Friday, November 30, 2007

Right now

I am in a meeting with the "project manager" at NSI. I have time to blog about it because he doesn't have Microsoft Project on his computer so I am waiting for him to find a computer that does have it so we can print out the latest version of the plan and look it over. This problem originates in the fact that he has a Mac. I won't bore you with the details of the fact that he bought a Mac because he's an avid photographer and wanted the imaging stuff you can do on a Mac. I won't also bore you with how NOTHING in this place runs on the Mac and so as IT director, there were 0 actual justification in him choosing a Mac. I also won't tell you how many hours his team has spent on trying to get the Mac working for him. Or how when he wants to do anything actually work related (which, granted is not often) he goes to the room next door and uses a PC he made his staff set up for him.

He didn't just buy project for the Mac, he installed VMWare only he doesn't know how to set it up so his VMs are all junk. I just saw 2 of 4 BSOD.

He also has this chair in his office (among others. he has a catalog about "chairs with high backs that denote status")
How do you even pretend this chair is for working? I should also point out that he sleeps in his office all the time, even before this little beauty came along. He must have been getting neck cricks or something. I have on numerous occasions cameraphoned pics of him and sent back to my home office to try to explain why I have such a hard time with this guy. A picture is worth a thousand words (especially when 900 of the words are "fuck" and "idiot")

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Working hard or hardly working?

It's kind of the theme of my day. I have been working alot lately, so I have slacking to catch up on, for real. I'm working on it, and thought I would taunt all you people with what I've been doing instead of working today. (don't get me wrong, I am working too which is gross. but I start at 5, so I feel quite justified in spending a decent amount of time fucking off)

Anyhoo, today's break consisted of messing with the dog:

The poor thing; the couch has crap all over it and she doesn't deal well with that so she was forced to pile herself on top of the pile of pillows:
I found this hysterical.

She found my hysteria less than amusing:
You might not know her well enough to know, but I am getting dirty looks. Apparently this is not so funny.


I am finding this all much more funny than she is. And I'm totally sober!


I am a paparazzi/terrorist. Right up in there! The people have a right to know!

Completely having a blast with this harass the pet campaign (after all that's at least part of what they're for right?) I decide to break out this year's xmas card contender. I was afraid I would spoil it for people, but this isn't nearly the extent of it. You have no idea.


Pensive xmas doggy.


Eventually, as all things do, the novelty began to wear off of this. Especially when she went from looking horrified to just being resigned to the fact that I was in one of those moods. Heaving sighs have a limited laugh line for me, so I went off to work on other stuff like my KICK ASS QUILT! I am buzzing on this thing, mostly because 1) it's more fun that work 2) I need a blanket, and 3) Since I am unwilling to put things away and take them back out to work on them, there is quilting shit all over my house. The upstairs looks like a damn fabric store exploded. So I need to keep cracking and get it over with, and I've decided I'm going to spend at least an hour a day or so on it. I might finish this in record time for me, but we'll see. I usually stall out at the finishing touches stage of things.

Anyhoo, here is the updated pic after today's work session:


And here is a pic of it laying sort of on the bed, with kitty and stuff for scale. Pardon the horridly messy bed, getting up was a bit complicated today. I apparently turned sideways in my sleep and so when I went to get up to get my alarm, up and out were not really where I thought they were going to be. It was a kind of a scene.


I can not wait to sleep under this for the first time. It will be VICTORY!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Weekend

Sigh. It just goes by too fast, I really needed like an 11 day weekend or so.

I did however manage to cram a decent bit of fun into the little time I had and make it worth it. I've decided I'm going to become one of those people with the cameras all the time. I missed so many good photo ops over the weekend, I'm tired of it. Here and now I commit to being full time obnoxious with the camera in the name of never being sad about something I wish I could take a picture of again. This includes friends, so beware one and all.

I forget where I left off in my tales. Ah yes, the lament of the Goose which I do not care for...

Friday was apparently not remarkable because I don't remember what I did. I'm sure it will come to me, but most likely it was cleaning and stuff because my house is looking pretty good and I didn't do it Sat or Sun.

Saturday Catherine, Katie and I went for a gambol at Great Falls, which is a pretty lovely park not too far from here. it was awesome to get out, and reminded me that I have turned into a lazy ass since moving to MD. Seemingly, because the wilderness is not right outside my door I have abandoned all attempts to go get it. Well no more! I'm getting back on that train (I really need to for my own good and the good of those around me). And I'm bringing my camera with!



Saturday night I saw No Country for Old Men. I liked it; it was very suspenseful, gorgeously shot and full of hot manly men. Thumb up! I'm not sure it's a life changing movie, but I didn't want to storm out and ask for my money back so it was ok.

Sunday was spent working on my quilt. Granted, it's only about 2x3ft by now, but I think I might be ok with this quilting business. I'm pretty excited about it to be honest. This might be the one project I actually finish in any reasonable amount of time. This is motivated only very partially by the fact that it's getting cold, and more so by the fact that ITS THE BOMB! I'm very happy with how it looks so far, and although I am not sticking to any particular design -the attention span just does not allow for it- I have mixed up a couple of designs (crazy quilt and log cabin) and I'm making my own thing. Behold!
the unfinished product. you can't tell me it doesn't rule!

closeup: oh yeah. there are sequins involved!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Experiment

I am making a quilt. This should be interesting at least.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

I'm sorry, that's just wrong.

Thanksgiving: the bug report version

Scenario: I was extended, and accepted, the offer of spending Thanksgiving with HN and his family. This was fabulous because a)it negates the need for me to drive home, b)provides HN time, and c)his family has some pretty righteous cooks. I was excited
We were actually going to be the ones cooking dinner, but plans changed for many reasons and we were put on "just show up with some side dishes" patrol. It's cool ese, I was pretty much concerned with one and only one thing: delicious turkey dinner. I was even feeling so good I offered to be the one who ran to the grocery store for all the last minute stuff ON THE MORNING OF THANKSGIVING WHEN ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE ARE OUT. Because I was glowing with anticipation of the bountiful feast that accompanies this blessed day in our history when we honor the pilgrims (who were so crazy even the Quakers thought they were nuts) for bringing smallpox and alcoholism to the Indians (who are not really from India). So I do my thing, go to not one but TWO grocery stores, because Whole Foods is so cool they're closed on Thanksgiving. How progressive. Silly them though, they left all of their outside stuff outside. People were filling carts up, then trying to go inside to pay for it and being confronted by locked doors with "closed" signs on them. I didn't take anything, but this is Baltimore. Whole Foods totally got robbed at least a little on Thanksgiving (but seriously not by me. I have a karma fear and am sure someone would choke on any food I stole and I would feel like I brought it on).

So with WF closed, it was off to the neighborhood grocer, with a list that had been prepared with WF in mind. Which is to say, they wanted fancy organic stuff and some stuff that was just fancy. So it was like a SuperFresh scavenger hunt, where I try to figure out what is the ghetto mart equivalent of the schmancy goods on the list. One hour and 3 cart collisions later I make it out with 90% of the list contents. good enough for me!

Anyhoo, fast forward through the day. See me making pies, rolls, cranberry sauce. Picture a whirling dervish of domestic skill palpating around the kitchen and producing results and you pretty much have the picture.
HN is producing mulled wine (HOT!), which I sample a little of and look forward to more of. I'm hanging out in his house, thinking I'm ready to go.

EXPECTED: I would be considered acceptable and we would drive over to enjoy a delicious dinner.
I mean, seriously:
Loose fitting pants? CHECK
Comfy sweatshirt? CHECK
sensible shoes, so as to avoid any untoward events that might take place after a few drinks? CHECK.
Do I or do I not sound ready?

ENCOUNTERED: people start talking about how we should "dress" before we head out. My brain starts doing that thing where it knows something I don't want to know and is just going "shhh, don't listen to them. You look fine" and I blink once (handy trick when things that should not be happening ARE happening. It can actually make them go away) It doesn't *always* work though. So I blink again (which also sadly doesn't always work), and HN and his dad are putting stuff down and seriously leaving to go "dress" I finally manage to inquire as to the dress code for the evening, at which point I am informed that they are going to "dress a little nicer" oh. Well, I guess I better "go dress" as well. How civilized.
So I head back home, shove myself into a respectable outfit and console myself with the idea of turkey and booze, and gravy. Oh gravy, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... But I digress...

So we arrive safely at the outlaws' house (not in-laws but outlaws! get it? I kill me), and I immediately dive face first into the mulled wine and the cheese plate and life is not so bad, even with high heels and respectable not loose fitting pants. I might just make it after all. Only...

EXPECTED: I would walk into the kitchen and see the delicious TURKEY DAY Turkey in some state of undress (They don't do stuffing, I was warned. Traumatic, but minor in the end so I won't dwell. there are other things to put gravy on, I'll be ok) Anyhow, I walk in with my mind full of possibilities: maybe they are rubbing butter on the turkey like Martha Stewart does, or maybe they're salt rubbing it: maybe it's something I don't even know about that they do to their stuffingless bird... Who knows?!


ENCOUNTERED: There are 2 geese GEESE on the counter. I leave the room and come back, still geese. I blink once, twice, a third time and it is still f*cking geese! Canada geese, which are essentially like pigeons but bigger. I am being fed pigeon for Thanksgiving, aka TURKEY Day. THERE WILL BE NO TURKEY, TO GO WITH THE NO STUFFING.

I take a deep breath. I had turkey last weekend (but not enough! If I had known I would have had more!) and I will have turkey next weekend (and I will make up for this dark time). I am able (with the help of some mulled wine) to get my emotions under control, and come to terms with the fruit stuffed pigeon on the counter. This could be ok. I mean, I might like it right? I wasn't really believing that for a second but I said it to myself like 100 times, and by the last time it sounded so almost true. So I looked at the situation as a chance to try something new, which can be delicious sometimes, like feta cheese, or spinach. I mean sure, when I express my controlled surprise and tell them I've never had goose and they compare it to the dark meat of chicken, duck, and liver in turn, I felt a little ill, because I find all of these things to be gross and offensive and not things I want on TURKEY Day, but they could be wrong. This might just work out after all.

Alas, it did not. It did taste like dark meat of chicken, duck and liver. and I did find it didn't suit my palate, so I did the adult thing; I cut up my meat into little pieces, washed some down with mulled wine and then hid the rest under my salad pieces. I would have slipped it to the dog but she's old and I'd have to yell to get her attention.

It was not a total loss though, there was (in addition to delightful company) a number of delicious side dish options. I learned a new lovely cauliflower thing, I voluntarily ate squash with kale, I had rolls with BUTTER because there is a minimum fat/triglyceride count that is mandatory for the day and I was desperate, and I had a delicious red cabbage dish. And there were mashed potatoes, so I was able to gravify something, which helped. But I won't lie: when they all started going on about how awesome the goose was (I had until this point held out the hope that it was gross because something was wrong with it, but it turns out it's just gross), and how their new tradition should be to make goose instead of turkey, my first thought was that my new tradition was to go somewhere else.

I hope everyone else out there had delicious turkey filled days and nights.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Let's talk turkey

among other things. I am food obsessed this week, and looking back in the annals of blogdom I see it's almost that time of the month. Yes, I use my blog to track my period. I said that (Hi Dad! MENSTRUATION). So long lazy eggs, the big flush is a-coming!

Anyhow the turkey part of this story is more general poultry when I really think about it. But I get ahead of myself.


Let me take you back to the weekend just past. I flew into Boston (and boy were my arms tired HAAAAAA) for that annual festival of love, Smith Family Thanksgiving. It was actually pretty fun this year, which is a lot of a compliment from me since for about the past 5 years I've been on an internal boycott of the event. I don't really have an explanation for it, but I went home this time because this was the first one since my grandfather died and my grandmother explicitly asked me to. It's hard to say no to a widow, so up I went. In the end I'm glad I did. It was nice to see everyone, whatever issue I've been having seems to have passed and I genuinely enjoyed myself this year. So did everyone else, and I know the number of open and empty wine bottles in these pictures will resonate with everyone who knows me. Because if you can't relate, we probably don't hang out. ;o)



The weekend was also great because I finally got to meet baby Noby, who totally has his dad's eyebrow (heh). He is a gorgeous baby, as you can tell from his 1001 pictures online but he is hard to impress. I did that silly face/voice thing because I was determined to get a smile. It worked, but Becky caught it on film memory card and I've now been busted both holding a baby and talking to it funny. And he crapped on me, but apparently that's not that big a deal. So they say, but I think that's because "they" want to feel ok when they get pooped on.

(more pictures later. still lazy)


I also got to have brunch with some of my "lady friends" and I use the term lady loosely. I like other people's food better than my own, but luckily I hang out with sharers and someone's new man was eager to impress and gave me some of his pizza. Werd to the new guy!!

The ride home sucked, let's not talk about it. But I will say this: everytime I start to think PA is ok, it kicks me in the ass. PA SUCKS! and that is that.

I made it home, LATE and TIRED but managed to parlay sad face into a whole lot of attention from a certain HN who shall remain nameless and Monday wasn't totally wretched. I've been blessed with my boss' permission to stay home from NSI at least a couple of days a week. Can I get an AMEN!?

I did however have a fiber overdose related incident yesterday. I'm wondering if I talk about poo too much, so I'll spare you. Ok, I'm just too lazy to type it all out but I will share the lesson learned. 3 bowls of lentil soup are (is?) too many. If you're still hungry after 2, have some toast.
Recognize.

And now as we speak, for reasons unfathomable to the rational mind (who makes chicken on the week between the 1st and 2nd of 3 consecutive weeks of turkey, do you NEED more poultry) but explained in the first paragraph I am making a ridiculous roast chicken and vegetable dinner. It's going to be awesome! The smell is killing me, good thing I have this box of ginger snaps and block of cheese to tide me over for the next 3o minutes, or however long it takes. I think it's 30 minutes, that seems like a long time to me. I am horrible at the whole oven thing, I own this. I can do stovetop stuff and anything I can taste while cooking but when it comes to doing something by instructions and then putting it in the oven to sit and go, I don't seem to have the touch. This should be interesting.

And the kitchen buzzer buzzes and I'm out!

Friday, November 16, 2007

yyy am i not zzz....

doh! I have managed to totally jack my sleep schedule this week. I have somehow gotten to in the habit of going to be bed very early at night this week(and by going to bed I mean passing out in various locations around the home including the dog bed, I swear I only meant to lie there for a minute). Falling asleep this early means I keep waking up in the middle of the night, like right now, and am not able to sleep anymore for a while. Tonight it doesn't much matter, since tomorrow is Friiiday, and I will finally be having a slower day of work and working from home and eventually going home (Boston), so I can afford to be up in the middle of the night, no big whoop.

But this shit has been going on all week! I think I need to get back on a gym schedule and get over the fact that it's getting dark early now, since I am pretty sure that's a major part of my issue. Does this really happen every year? Do I get this weird every year or am I going nuts in my old age? This same "BS up all night" thing happened to me really bad on Tuesday night, but I had the Longest Day Ever on weds, and having only 3 hours of sleep, plus having to drive to PA to do an install then back to MD to work more, then to the airport to pick up someone who had decided instead to take a cab (don't get me started) pretty much resulted in my having yet another meltdown Weds night. It's apparently kind of what I do these days.

Hello my name is Kerry, and I melt down.
poor HN!

You know you're up too late when the dog won't even get up with you. She's all "beat it bitch. quit asking me why you can't sleep, you know I can't talk! and put that blanket back over me right now or I'll get up, go outside and step in more poo" She didn't get the memo about undying loyalty and affection. She goes off duty at midnight or something.

Monday, November 12, 2007

oh crap!

Well the rest of Saturday lived up to it's expectations and the evening was a ridiculous, relaxing blast of long neglected/overdue domestic activities. I was so productive it's not even funny. I might be good on housework for the next month, and my dirty laundry pile is not only small enough to fit into the hamper (there was a hamper under that pile!), it's almost nonexistent.

The fun was compounded by a well deserved night out. I capped off the evening with a very adult cocktail hour (attended in sweats: I love partying at home!) at my friend Jessie's new house, which she is in the middle of painting and needed some advice on. We were oh-so-chic sipping wine and discussing work, paint swatches, the difficulties of trying to find a well cut suit, etc. It was one of those nights where I'm sitting there enjoying myself immensely and then I flash back to 10 years ago and laugh at how much my definition of fun has evolved over time. Straight out of "you know you're old when..."

Anyhow, I was back home by 11, which was lovely as it gave me time to f*ck off for a while before getting ready for bed and you all know f*cking off is one of my favorite activities. I spent some time straightening out plants, finishing the tidying I had started that day, making sure new fish* is settling into his home ok- he's a little spastic but so pretty he has leeway. He's like the high strung sexy model of the fish world around here. And given that his freaking out results in the display of his gorgeous fingertippy fins (technical term = crown tail) , you really can't hate when the dude pitches a fit.

*new fish! HN, for reasons that would take a bit of describing has come into 11 Betta fish. I have been admiring/torturing them with mirrors for a bit and this little guy is supreme! He's gorgeous and f*cking nuts. And his fins aren't smooth ending, they look almost like vulture feathers or something, or fingers- all ripply. Anyhow, I knew if I tried hard enough I could sucker HN into making him mine, so all I had to do was get a place set up for new fish to live and talk about his new home incessantly and how all it was missing was him and then voila' doesn't HN show up with my fish Sat after work. It's like he read my mind or something: yet another testament to the power of positive thinking. HN also has some females and I'm thinking of trying to breed some Bettas just to see if I could. The females are ugly as hell and would likely be flushed as soon as the first eggs hatched, but my little guys build such nice bubble nests I feel like it would be nice to give them some use for a change.

So, Sunday began much the same way as Saturday. I woke up, began to make conspicuous noises and be otherwise bothersome until HN woke up too. I looked surprised to see him awake so early and then asked if he wanted to join me at the Sunday farmer's market. The Sunday market is actually my favorite one, I only hit the Saturday one because it's a nice walk and I love mundanity sometimes.

Anyhoo: to the market, back from the market and straight to work finishing out *still more* unfinished projects- I'm telling you this weekend I was on it! - and I'm upstairs working on a potential duvet cover or quilt or whatever for my bed, sewing and pinning and messing around on the bedroom floor with dog supervising from the bed, looking terribly cute as she was mashed up as small as possible so as to make her entire body mass fit in this tiny little sunspot that was at the foot of the bed. I had another little moment of "life is good", which have been scarce lately and I'm thinking about trying to see if I can also fit in the sunspot with Dog when I happen to look at the bed and notice something on my duvet free down comforter. Hmmm, methinks. The dog appears to have tracked mud in the house. And I'm looking at it and I realize something weird is happening, my brain appears to have completely paused. So I'm staring at the bed and my brain's doing that thing where it's just figured out something you don't want to know, so it isn't telling you just yet and I'm trying to pop the bubble and make the thought known because now I know it's there and all of a sudden a light dawns on Marblehead and I realize; it's not mud...all that brown crap smeared all over my bed, blankets, sheets and comforter is POO! My bed looks like something out of a poo horror movie! it's even on my pillows! noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

WTF?! I thought dogs had like poo radar so that they didn't step in poo. Don't they have like dog poo sense or whatever? Apparently my dog is broken because this is the 3rd time in a month she's done this. and my yard is not a poo land mine. In fact, I had cleaned it over the weekend so she actually probably had a harder time stepping in the poo than staying out of it.
Sigh.

So I finish up what I'm doing, run a nice tepid 1/4 tub full of water in my freshly cleaned bathroom (oh yeah, I was a madwoman this weekend!) and go scoop up one dozey dog and drop her in the tub to commence her mani and pedi, aka Operation Scrub the Poo Off Your Feet. She's a little bent at the rude awakening and also not quite understanding of what is actually happening to her but we managed to get 'er done and then I drop her off -in her bed this time - so I can begin Operation Boil the Sheets and Blankets the Dog Tracked Poo on. She's doing the "please lady whatever I did I'm sorry but quit it with the water torture" belly up sad face thing, when I notice her 9th nipple looks a little weird. Doing some quick mental math I realize she doesn't have a 9th nipple so I look a little closer. She has not grown a 9th nipple she has a GIANT FAT TICK hanging off her belly. Sigh. I go get my tweezers, and while explaining to the dog cost/value proposition and my happiness as it relates directly to hers and does she get what I'm saying, I extract most of the fucker. The front legs will be with us shortly I'm sure.

Anyhoo, not too much happened for the rest of the day. More cleaning, arranging, and getting stuff done! which I just love. There are a number of things and rooms that are almost done now and I shall be posting pictures of the new way my house looks soon. But the past 2 months have been so ridiculous, the past month has been disgusting with work and I missed just kicking back and doing nothing really/whatever I wanted. Sorry for all the words, but I had to get the people caught up with my life.

I do have some pictures to show you though. The animals were hysterical this weekend- or perhaps I am just easily amused. It matters not, I have taken some pictures of them and here you go:


Saturday, November 10, 2007

so far, so good, and so much more left!

Today is the first day I have *nothing* that I have to do. I love it. For 19 days straight I have either worked, traveled, or attended a funeral service. 19 days turns out to be a really long time to go full steam ahead with no break and I am fucking tired!

I was excited to go to bed last night- I knew waking up today was going to be awesome because I would have nothing to do, and I would finally get to relax. So far it has lived up to it's potential.

I woke up early and crept out on HN to enjoy some quality alone time- I've had about 100 people in my face all day every forever now and I needed some air. I hit up one of my fave coffee shops and ordered a decadent sweet coffee treat/sugary pastry combo and did some serious people watching while I enjoyed them. I then walked over to and shopped at the farmer's market, making sure to hit up my favorite hot beverage for the weekend vendor Gracie, kicked it while I listened to guitar man for a while, stocked up on fresh local veggies then wandered home the long way and promptly started making the sponge for a HOMEMADE loaf of bread to go with the kick ass stew I'm making later. Then in a burst of motivation gone wrong, I locked Star and myself out of the house, which resulted in a 2 hour walk while we waited for someone with a key to come rescue us. After 2 hours I was ready to be indoors again, so broke into my own house because I got tired of waiting to being rescued, had a leisurely lunch, listened to some Stern (thanks ich!) and it's only 3pm! I OWN THIS DAY!

What will I do tonight? whatever the fuck I want to, but you can bet your ass it's going to be fun

. that's right bitches. Today it's all about me! FINALLY!

Monday, November 5, 2007

wtf??

As in Where The Fuck have I been? Short answer: working and attending funereal services. Long answer = too exhausting to describe. It wasn't a good couple of weeks and it's hopefully over for a bit.

as in What The Fuck??? How is the Hollywood writers' strike the number 2 story in the news???
With all the wars and other shit going on, this is seriously the SECOND MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER right now?
that's whack yo.

Not.
Right.




I should be making a triumphant return to less pointed blathering soon.