Friday, May 29, 2009

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

update: the House of Horrors

So at last count this morning, there were 3 birds LOOSE IN MY WALLS

1) little dude, still going but getting quieter in the lower wall of my bedroom. He's behind the radiator to boot, there will be no happy ending to his story.
2) little dude #2 in my bedroom ceiling. Clearly this ho built her nest in a poor location. Her guys are all up and about, and in my shizz.

3) Ohhhhh, #3. I thought this was mom looking for the kids. I thought this because it sounded big and was screaming occasionally down through the light fixture in the kitchen. I called HN at work, because I deemed this an EMERGENCY, and also because I was freaking out because all of my f'ing walls were screaming. We discussed ways I might free at least bird #3, to give me some place where I could have peace but before I could act on anything I heard click click click whoosh bang over near the fridge. Some dumb ass birdhole had fallen down the wall behind the fridge. I prepared to write off bird #3 and move to the other part of the house for the rest of the week while it died when lo and behold doesn't come strolling out a juvenile Starling from behind my fridge. Disturbing both because it means there's a hole somewhere and because there's a bird in my kitchen. I am mildly (way) afraid of birds. It's a combination of things having to do with my mother being afraid of them and passing that on, as well as my complete and utter lack of any interaction with birds, other than soup. Anyhow, I was able to gather my faculties enough to trap him in a box. Granted, it was a 25 minute ordeal that involved both the bird and me running away at various intervals. Anyhow, that done, I put little dude aside to wait for HN, to whom I defer in all things live and captured but he was making a racket and I was feeling badly about the whole "tiny box" thing. So I set up the best I could do, which was a cat carrier, blanket, light in case he needs warmth and a towel for chilling. I think he's old enough for me to throw a worm at him, but I don't have the nerve to find out until after I eat my own lunch.

BIRDS FREAK ME OUT!

Hosta la Vista

Happy Memorial Day!

I hope everyone's long weekend was as sun filled and fun filled as mine. Upon my return from The Epic Trip to the Customer in Florida, I promptly flung myself down in the grass Friday to dry out. 17 inches of rain in the 4 days I was in FL. With NO RAINCOAT. I was basically totally unprepared and spent the entire 4 days soaking wet, shivering and cursing the gods because everything that could go wrong did. Surprisingly enough though, all's well that ended well and I think in the end the customer is happy. I'll take that.

So back to the good stuff: HN and I had not only a delightful weekend, but were very productive.

Friday we had a guest arriving, a friend who will be staying with us for a week, so we put it in high gear and got a couple of rooms that had fallen by the wayside straightened out; you know how you get a certain amount unpacked, then just decide to table the rest for a while, and never pick it back up ? That was us, so it was good that we had this friend coming in. He's a good friend, but not a good enough friend that you're ok leaving him in the room despite it's condition- that honor is reserved for family and college friends. So anyhoo, we decided something needed to be done to humanize the guest room and since he was arriving Sat, Friday was the time to do. We work well under pressure! And now we have an official guest room, though lacking a desk because we were completely unable to make it work. We haven't quite given up yet, but it doesn't look good.

Saturday morning we sat down, made a serious yard sale plan and went on our merry way. HN went totally Clark Griswald on this one. He was A Man With A Plan! He got the map, he combed Craigslist inside and out and then I found this little beauty which made things SO MUCH EASIER! So then HN went postal on his map, covering it with yellow sticky notes of doom, meant to indicate what we predicted would be the hotspots and best sales based on the ads. Once this was done, it was time for route planning( automated trip planning is for p*ssies!). Map in hand (and snacks and water, because it seemed like it could be kind of a long day, and I was picturing him yelling things like "NO we can't stop for water! The sale only goes until noon!)" we hit the road, and found...... nothing we wanted!! Kind of a bummer, but I am comforted by the knowledge that at least it's Yard Sale time of year. Kerry likes this! Since our travels had taken us into the city, we decided to hit up the Book Thing, where we both totally scored. Heading back to the county, Sat afternoon found us both lounging around the lawn in the sun and reading the day away. Some people might not consider this productive, but I take my relaxation seriously, and was glad to check a little R and R off the list. We capped the evening off by receiving our guest and getting him settled (offering him a beer) and settled in with books to make ready for Sunday.

For no good reason at all, I have no recollection of what we did Sunday morning. I do remember though that we found a baby bird who had fallen out of his nest. A couple of Starlings have nested in a hole in the roof right near our bedroom. We were too lazy to get them out before they made baby Starlings and now that they have, it's too late. So every morning we are awakened by the sounds of SCREAMING hungry baby birds making a racket so as to be fed some ripped up worm. Lucky us. So as I was saying, one of the little dudes got a little too curious and jumped out of the nest to see what there was too see on the other side. Unfortunately for him, it was air and next thing we knew he was on the ground. Unhurt, sitting in a stack of pine needles, but not where he should be. HN picked him up, put him back and we thought that was it. More on him later...

Sunday afternoon we headed to a party at the amazing home of the amazing artist David Hess. He is the mastermind behind the P.L.A.T.Y.P.U.S. sculpture in the Baltimore Kinetic Sculpture Race, and HN was lucky enough to fall in with this group a few years ago and become a platypus kinetonaut. David decided this year to host a party for those peeps, as well as friends, family and other people from "the baltimore scene" The attendees were a hysterical mix of totally random people and a who's who of the Baltimore Art scene. It was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. I don't even like kids and I was completely enamored of watching the children turn some of Hess' sculptures into jungle gyms. I also decided if I couldn't beat them to join them, and I became the ringleader for a game of wiffleball that will surely go down in the annals of history. The beer helped, although a couple of parents didn't think I was as funny as I did. The most striking example was some fat overanxious mom who stood behind the plate critiquing every pitch that came her son's way ("ooh Robbie, that was high and inside. Don't swing so early!") and eventually asking if we could get a new pitcher. I explained no Remy (she didn't get it), because this was a very informal wiffleball game and there was no need to get all stage mom-y about it, and furthermore I was in charge and she wasn't even playing. She eventually got offended and left and all was well again. Party wrapped around 11 and home we came, where I promptly chugged a couple of Emergen-C packets to ward off the hangover I deserved and passed out. I woke in the middle of the night to some weird knocking noise/screaming and my first thought was "there's bats in the room". I did the only sensible thing, and woke HN to deal with this. After wading through my beer breath and calming me down, he pointed out that there was no bat, it was more like a baby bird in the wall sound. Yep, little dude had gotten bored again and jumped for it, only this time he zigged when he should have zagged and landed inside the fricking wall. This isn't a TLC special, so there was no cutting open of walls to rescue him- little man is doomed. I went back to sleep, and when I woke in the morning he was still going. Kitty was going bananas, which was a little awesome to see, then I would remember little dude in there and feel very conflicted about it. Was it wrong that I hoped he would die before bedtime? I am so not down with the screaming baby thing while I'm trying to get some rest...

He did seem to have quieted down before bedtime, but then this morning I think his mother went looking for him. Some bird's busted ass in now in my kitchen ceiling. WTF! I'm about to get one of those expando-foam guns and fill some shit in, because I don't know what gives that everyone is suddenly exploring the eaves, but it's damn noisy and I'm over it.

Ugh. this is getting long. I still have to tell you about moving the pigs, cutting down trees, and my hosta transplant program but frankly I'm bored by now and I'm reasonably certain you are too. More on all this junk later. With pictures!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Spring has sprung

Remember this?


Or this maybe?
Me neither. all I know is this:

But maybe you recall this?

Or this:

I have no such memories. I know this:


Monday, May 11, 2009

Felix for President

HN: "what are you doing?"
me: "watching this chick pole dance. you have to see this"
HN: "move over"

But seriously. MUCH respect. and also, they have competitions? This chick I've seen at the Dollhouse is Raleigh needs to be alerted, because I believe her to be world class.


But here's felix for the people:

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Circulate darling, circulate!

tidbits of what the bats in my belfry are yamming about:

  • t minus 24 hours until Star Trek comes out! I'm so excited. Boss is out of town, there's a decent chance my lunch hour is being extended by 2 or 3 in order to make way. F fighting with all the other nerds late night. I've been watching the previews pretty much daily, and yelling things at HN like "fire everything!" He doesn't get it, but the best part about him is he doesn't have to.
  • I'm going into the OR today at NSI, they need to do an eye exam on a baby and want me around to show them the techno-ropes for the first time. If there be blood, there be fainting. I've explained this to them and been laughed at so fingers crossed! Other than that though, I'm excited about it. I do love my software, and I do love to exercise it and expand it's horizons.
  • Relations with FFFO (my landlord) continue to degenerate. Latest is a passiveaggressivenotes.com worthy memo tacked to the door about lawn length. I'd post a photo but I burned it, it was very cathartic. This is a test, and I aim to pass. There is a bad, antagonistic person inside of me dying to get out and become a statute quoting nightmare tenant (becuase NOWHERE in the lease does it say my busted ass will mow a lawn, nor does the county statute deal with lawn length, as in the city). I refuse to give in to that c*nt. being bitchy gives you wrinkles. Peach in, green out...
  • So I've been using olive oil and sugar for exfoliation/moisture, discussed in the past. Due to the fact that we have hard as hell well water my hair has taken to being McNasty and a pretty gross not-my-usual color. Remedy is to either pay 30 bucks a bottle for well water shampoo, which would take DAYS to deliver, or to rinse with vinegar after shampooing. Loving apple cider vinegar such as I do, I thought I'd give myself another reason to love it by having it save my hair. While rinsing yesterday, it occurred to me that I'm basically a human salad. If only, because salads don't have to work, and get to hang out with models and shit.
  • spring has sprung! I've got to get you some pictures of this place. FABULOUS! and GREEN!

Monday, May 4, 2009

It's easy to forget one's roots

when you are living like a star. Back from the villa in St John. having a hard time adjusting to rainy Baltimore life, nevermind the idea of going to work this morning. Good thing my email server is down, I didn't really want to know anyway.

More later, all this typing is exhausting and I have a blog roll as long as my arm to catch up on.