Do you use your powers for good, or for awesome?

Dog park hotness

2011-08-02T15:52:00.000-05:00

check mah large tongue!

2011-07-28T07:16:00.001-05:00

Tiny butternut!

2011-07-11T16:56:00.001-05:00

FYI

2011-06-30T18:33:00.001-05:00

What's behind door number 1?

Summer project!

2011-06-15T11:10:00.004-05:00

I have found a purpose in life: my front porch. The other day, while horribly nesting and PMSing I decided I hated our front porch. It is grody, the paint is ugly and it looks like noone loves it. There's also a substantial amount of lead paint chipping off and falling down. It makes me ill.

It's also not a very pretty place to hang out, and quite frankly that is the whole purpose of a porch in my eyes, so WTF?
I aim to change all of these things this summer.

I forgot to take a before picture because I literally freaked out and started painting all within 10 minutes.

Before from Google Maps:

See how it's all white and gray? You know what shows footprints and mud and crap and cracks? You guessed it, white and gray. also, the flowerbox was only coated once so it looked awful, parts of it were rotting off, and most of the paint on the steps had flaked off because they didn't use exterior paint.

Here is a shot of my work in progress (sunday am)

As of last night:

You can't see it, but HN did a bunch of magical stuff to the flowerbox and he replaced the rotted parts with new wood, then I sealed, primed and painted it. We also decided to paint the long board up top red, because as HN says "it's the right thing to do" and you know I'm about doing the right thing.

Next up is me looking into safe paint stripping for lead paint. There's babies a million on this block, so no sanding or chipping and there's cheap people in this house so no paying lead abatement people to sand or strip. I think I'm just going to get out my hazmat suit, throw and overnight coat of Removall on that bitch and go get 'er some morning. Supposedly it binds everything into a crazy jelly mess that you just scrape off and dispose of properly, without anyone having to breathe it or eat it or get developmentally sad.

Then I'm thinking a darker, brownish grey for the stair tops, sides and porch. Something a little lighter for the banister (we're currently undecided as to whether to paint it or get a whole new one) and then something super cool on the ceiling (but that's way low on my list)

The columns will be painted something light to match the banister, with perhaps a little "painted lady" action on the top.

All this while training a puppy and saving a neighborhood kid from teenage motherhood. This is going to be the best summer ever!

2011-06-06T09:36:00.001-05:00

Lucy doing her best impression of Towely

2011-05-17T09:01:00.002-05:00

"I have no idea what's going on!"

Your bike lock ain't shit

2011-04-24T14:36:00.002-05:00

*every* removable piece has been removed. Take that!

Tulips!

2011-04-13T15:46:00.002-05:00

Picture taken through the screen. Easy ? Yes. Effective? not so much.

Good news

2011-04-05T17:22:00.002-05:00

I found a tunnel of cherry trees!

the hi-techening of kerry

2011-03-07T06:31:00.002-05:00

I am officially google voice for my work phone. I got tired of carrying 2 phones around, but I needed the option of being able to turn my work phone off when I wanted so I ported my work cell to GV, which forwards to computer and other cell phone, and my cisco office line forwards any where I want. I'm going to learn all about the DND setting on google voice!

RIP Star Smith

2011-02-27T11:57:00.005-05:00

I don't particularly want to do the big super maudlin post about it, but it seems like she deserves some words.

For 12 years she trooped around with me, enthusiastically* embracing any suggestion for an adventure I had- no matter how dumb an idea it would turn out to be. There are lots of things I did and trips I made that I just don't think I would have done if I didn't always have her at the ready to go with me, no questions asked.

She cheered me up when I was sad, cuddled with me when I felt lonely, kept me warm when I was cold, accompanied me into rest stops at odd hours, and made me laugh on a daily basis. It's impossible to list every great time we had together; we slept in awful motels all around the country, camped in beautiful places, made trips by foot, boat, car, train, bus and one time a rickshaw, and if the trip wasn't always awesome, it was at least less sucky because I had my dog with me.

There are few people whose company gave me as much enjoyment as hers did, and every day since she has been gone has been quiet in a way that I feel profoundly.

*level of enthusiasm was often weather dependent, but honestly she was right; walking around in the rain is stupid.

Where have I been?

2011-02-20T17:00:00.002-05:00

All over, nowhere terribly exciting. Until today...

Screenprinting class!!

Dodo birds for everyone!

How you living? (large!)

2011-01-31T20:56:00.002-05:00

Free shampoo and beer on ice. I pretty much travel like Beyonce.

You think you know it all and then WHAM

2011-01-31T07:07:00.004-05:00

Yeah, that's right.

So I spent a fair bit of time last week working on a batik tablecloth. Because of the limited selection of dye colors available to me at 11pm on Friday night, and my unwillingness to wait until the next day to get a better dye, it looks alot like this bit:

Only bigger and wider. Table sized y'all

I had a bit of trouble with the wax and so I set out to do more research Saturday morning, only to discover that doh! (slaps forehead) my batik thing isn't a batik thing (correct word: tjap) at all. It's for woodblock printing.

Luckily, I happened to have supplies on hand for that, supplies consisting of 1) a wood block stamp (who knew!) 2) textile paints from the gift we made HNs dad for xmas and 3) stuff to print on (anything not nailed down or meowing)

NOTE: camera still in shop, so all pics taken with white balance challenged camera phone.

Test print 90 million. After printing solidly on some yardage, HN and I decided some negative space was in order. I had some rucksack canvas kicking around and thought I might make a mega bag...unfortunately for me I refused HN's offer to draw me some straight lines (registers or something in block print speak) so it came out crooked.

Ah well, it will be something!

Angle from which you can not see my mistakes:

Then I decided too much black, so I tried painting it in in various ways:

I like it, although it makes the whole thing a little cartoony looking in a way I'm sure I can use somewhat but not what I was thinking for the tablecloth in my head.

Then I tried just painting the flowers, which I think I like a bit. Not sure if this is the color I would use for an actual tablecloth, but I think I can trim the crooked parts off and make a sweet pillow for the living room.

More to come, for sure like. I've already collected 2 sheets and several pillowcases that I didn't like that much anyway and HN has gotten into the game by bringing me other candidates. It's about to get arts and crafts up in here!

Right now!

2011-01-29T12:48:00.002-05:00

Chilling on the steps of the bma. On my ipod right now: the roof is on fire by the Bloodhound Gang. Yes indeedy...

30 seconds of human interest

2011-01-27T11:55:00.003-05:00

Don't even ask why I'm watching this drivel . Ok, it's because I'm bored. I hope you're happy.

anyhow

1) "I'm Jennifer Lopez" I'm sorry, shut up. Or at the very least be kind enough to also introduce your ego. But I guess she didn't ask the brain damaged girl "do you know who I am" which is probably a step up from her usual.
2) Steven Tyler get off her! Yes, it's all very nice to play well with others but if a stranger came up on me all smothering with their fake love and hugging on me from above I would push them off and back up. Only she can't do either and I find this very disturbing. Let's all do the Hello from a respectful distance. blech.
3) At the end of the video they're all walking out in the cold with coats and sweaters...except the girl in the chair. Mental note: please dress your invalids in weather appropriate clothing before parading them to the unsuspecting. I think this is where the Snuggie could really shine.

gah. That's enough human interest for one day. I feel dirty.

What in the ..... ?? DAZZLE!!

2011-01-25T22:42:00.002-05:00

Speechless

shut up it fits...

2011-01-18T12:34:00.003-05:00

I don't know why this says cat bed...

Chai Latte ART!

2011-01-17T15:53:00.002-05:00

Holy crap, this works.

What was fun about December in pictures

2011-01-10T07:51:00.002-05:00

ok, so it's really just "How was Christmas and New Year's" since I've covered anything else but here goes

Another shot of our awesome free homemade xmas tree

JJ proposed at this place, which is one of my favorite places we go to walk the dog when in NY.

Went to Boston and had a kick ass Christmas breakfast with the Glennon Garons. I had heard about the wonder of Williams Sonoma croissants before, but now I believe.

New Year's eve was a smashing good time spent in our neighborhood, with our neighbors. And Champagne.

The Miracle of 34th St did not let me down yet again!

Just tell me why

2011-01-04T07:59:00.002-05:00

beans and pork and kale make soup SO GOOD. It doesn't even particularly matter which pork product you use, so long as the bean(s) coordinate.

Last night I finished a vat of sausage, white bean and kale soup and am now cooking up beans for a bacon and 5 bean medley -with kale. Kale was on sale this week so I bought a metric ton and now I'm shoving it into everything I make, which luckily this week seems only to consist of soup with some sort of pork product. Kale hearts pork and beans 4 EVA!

oh right, happy new year.

2011-01-03T08:18:00.004-05:00

yay, happy new year! HN and I rang it in with style, with champagne, and with an adult man in nothing but a bonnet and a diaper. He (the baby not HN) was hairy, smoking a cigarette and wearing a facial expression of being so over it a la mall santa but he definitely still has to do this because what started out as a joke one year got around and now LOTS of people from the neighborhood come looking for him so he can't not do it. I don't care what the internet says, YOU sir are the miracle of 34th st! He shuffled out of the house in the diaper, cigarette in lip, dropped the ball and then shook and sprayed a bottle of champagne over the crowd. Did the Rocky cheer and went back in the house.

AND THEN!!- HN and I both got accidentally bombed off champagne which we haven't both done at the same time for a while so that was fun too. HN dressed to the 9s in a suit and I in jeans and many coats (too cold for a dress) cruised around the streets until 1am. It was very first date in a romantic comedy without the awkward should we or shouldn't we kiss part at the end.
So that was pretty fun.

Also cool: my dad got me a Kindle. Yay! and a nice leather case too! It's the perfect combination of pricey and thoughtful that just makes you feel like a present is special. and it's not even just because I'm his favorite, he got the same thing for my sister. Homeboy was straight up expansive this year! Made me glad I'm making him a quilt. Will trade labors of love for expensive presents? Wait, not like that...

Anyway I dig the Kindle. I wasn't sure I would as I am very attached to the physical page, and I don't think I will ever not need a paper copy in hand to follow instructions, so to motivate myself to really give it the old college try I decided that I would purchase a book I knew would be gripping enough to keep me interested. I had an Amazon gift certificate so I spent 15 dollars* and downloaded a cheesy police mystery which is my guilty secret of reading material. I Love The Kindle!

It's just like reading a small paperback and with the case I can keep my hand inside like I like to do with books so I was able to forget it wasn't an actual book in relatively short order. The only downside is sometimes I like to refer to a previous page and that's a pain, although my dad says I can set bookmarks. It's just that with cheesy police books especially, you never know what might turn out to be significant and I like to look back and see how the clues line up once you know the answer. But you can't really do that because you don't necessarily know at the time. Whatever. I still really like it and I also downloaded the entire Sherlock Holmes, which is another must, and if nothing else will make the Kindle worth itself when I travel. Pretty much every night before I go to bed I read a little Sherlock Holmes, and I have it in 2 huge volumes which are heavy. I always bring one of them when I travel, and that shit is fat and heavy and the Kindle would be a knockout on that alone. It just sets me up right for success. Sherlock Holmes is like a blanky to me and when I'm on the road and want to chill out it's the business.

Someday I'm going to be playing bar trivia in England and answer the winning question for my team with an obscure Sherlock Holmes answer and be the wonder and hero of all who are present! It's going to be awesome.

* -which is RIDICULOUS for a book with no overhead, and I will be seeking out cheap and free content in the very near future. Just as soon as I finish this stack of actual books I stole from my dad to read. For as much as I love reading, I struggle with paying 30 bucks for a book. Or even 10.

I think Thanksgiving should be after Christmas, so I could devote more energy to being thankful for those people who are thoughtful that you might not realize are thoughtful. For a holiday I don't generally love a ton, I got some sweet stuff this year. I don't get many presents but the ones I got were all spot on and I like that.

:)

As an added bonus to all of this awesome, my work is closed today. They had us open on Friday and closed today and all of our customers were closed on Friday so there were 0 phone calls and it's basically like a free 4 day weekend. sweeeeeeeet!

And I made meatballs last night so I'm going to spend the day with the leftovers and my sewing machine. It's like a Sunday replay in here!

2011 is off to a great start so far and I will have some pictures of December's installment of the great adventure once I get around to uploading them. I think I'm going to do a long picture-y post of my favorite moments because I haven't posted some pics from a bunch of fun stuff and I should. So check later, and bring comfy shoes and a hot drink because it's going to be epic.

Is that even a question?

2011-01-03T08:16:00.003-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/01/02/new.york.snow/index.html?hpt=T1

Yes, they did. I dated a plow dude once. This is exactly what they do.

ner ner

2010-12-30T17:27:00.003-05:00

My street is cooler than your street!!

AND we have an old man in a diaper who drops a tin foil ball at midnight. Pictures to come!!

Question...

2010-12-30T08:08:00.002-05:00

What exactly do men *do* in the bathroom for 35 minutes and counting ?

Let's take a ride in the way back machine

2010-12-29T10:00:00.002-05:00

Circa 2003, a gift from an old friend.

Star and I "hiking". I don't know if it counts as hiking if your dog has to go first so you can go under her with your shoulder on her ass and push her up the vertical sections. I just remember it was fun and she was game. Pictures like this always make me sad about the shit we did where noone had a camera. Although my parents are probably grateful not to know...

also circa 2003. I distinctly remember people calling my dog fat and my arguing that she was just big boned. Umm, you were all right!

Storm ready- Christmas blizzard of 2010

2010-12-26T12:27:00.002-05:00

Meet mega bed...Mega bed is an air matress inflated and moved into the L between the sofa and loveseat, so that anyone on either of those pieces of furniture can expand their slouch without fear of running out of space. Megabed also allows for anyone dozing off mid football game to slide right down and go to sleep in total comfort and without risk of a sore neck in the morning.

Megabed rules!

oh xmas tree...oh xmas tree...

2010-12-23T11:35:00.002-05:00

Oh Xmas tree...made out of reclaimed branches jj and kj found in somesone's trash...

Direct quote "can you believe they were just going to throw this stuff away!?"

Good morning Thursday!!

2010-12-16T08:21:00.002-05:00

Today is...

2010-12-15T10:17:00.002-05:00

Practicing something new...

2010-12-12T16:27:00.002-05:00

Sads

2010-12-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

My bsod is the strong silent type.

home again home again

2010-12-07T07:16:00.000-05:00

A pictorial overview of my UK insertion mission last week. The verbal version would be decidedly uninteresting, as the main purpose was work and we arrived Weds morning and went straight to the office, then worked Thurs and had meetings and the party friday. The basic purpose of the trip was team building between the 2 offices and going to the company xmas party.

I shared an apt with 2 male coworkers, near my apt from last time. Here are their beds in the boys room. I thought it was nice that they could have spooned without having to get up. I tried my best to catch them in the act, but they appear to have kept quite separate. BORING!

foot for scale. cuddle up kids!

My bed. Quite large enough for me to sleep sideways, which is something I do love to do whenever possible. It just feels so rebellious!

View from the restaurant where the party kicked off under the guise of a respectable dinner. Lovely isn't it ?

2 bars later there were balloon animals. I have many many photos of people inflating and waving the long balloons around. Sadly they all have faces and I don't know how many of them would appreciate my posting. FYI, the beginning stages of a balloon animal looks JUST LIKE meat and 2 veg, if you hear me.

12 hours later: uh oh, is someone drunky?

Hangover interception/mitigation that night came in the form of 2 gas station frozen pizzas and a cream soda. Salvation the next morning came in the form of guinness and shepherd's pie. IT WILL CURE WHAT AILS YOU! Also, french fries+ Gravy = heaven! Always!

these boots were made for .....erm. Snow :o(

2010-11-30T11:03:00.002-05:00

2010-11-25T13:42:00.001-05:00

Screen in the sink

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

All the time in the world....and I did it to myself!

2010-11-25T11:01:00.005-05:00

So, I won't go into the details but growing up in my house Thanksgiving was always greeted with trepidation. Something ALWAYS went tits up. Illness, broken bones, fires, mental breakdowns and subsequent removal of breaking down party by the police: you could always count on at least one of the above, and in many cases several of the above concurrently. I'm not even exaggerating.

Anyhoo, it's a bit of a running joke in our family. "watch out, Thanksgiving's coming" Gobble gobble has an entirely sinister connotation in our family. Like make a dracula/giant monster "I'm coming to kill you" motion and say "Gobble gobble" Welcome to my family.

So this year my sister is talking about her grand plans. She's having the outlaws over for dinner, got a giant bird, blah blah blah.

Me? I have no plans. I am PLANNING to have NO PLANS, which may or may not consist of awesome spontaneous things like not leaving the house, eating mac and cheese, sewing, walking dog and not showering- all to be done in due course if/when I feel like doing them. HN is planning to go home to his family, I opted for staying home alone with my sewing machine, a pile of projects and a spinning head full of ideas. Yahoo right?!

My sister calls me last night to tell me her oven just broke. They ordered a new one, and it will be in Monday. We have a good, relieved laugh. When you know the shoe is going to drop, it can all get a bit tense waiting to see who will get hit with the shrapnel and I was glad it was her and she was glad it was not involving safety of loved ones (seriously. this is how we roll. Pack of hot, neurotic messes we are). She can use her neighbor's oven and so keep on keeping on while at the same time maintaining the family curse. MULTI-TASKER!

So then (and this is the part where it's my fault), at about 9pm I see HN off onto the road, take a deep breath and sit down very well pleased with myself to begin to sew. Let me back up. I do a little dance about me being home alone with all my sewing, and the twilight zone episode from whence my title comes pops into my head. I even do a little "I have all the time in the world" dance and then I immediately clap my hand over my mouth because I HAVE JUST TEMPTED FATE. F! I know this rule!! This is another big one in my family, indirectly related to when people say things like "What else could go wrong?" and then Bad Things Happen. I think we have a direct pipeline to the ears of the fates because whenever someone says it, they inevitably find out in rather short order so as a general rule noone says it, and when someone does everyone yells at them and takes 5 steps back until we see what the damage will look like. (this is actually most excellent when done in my sister's presence. She gets angry, bonafide.)

I digress. Back to me babbling about all the time in the world. I immediately regretted my error, but it was too late so I began to think about what might go wrong. I do a little sewing, hit upon the idea I was looking for and forget my sorrows. I prepare a few pieces of fabric, so I can increase productivity and do my night's work assembly line style. I line everything up, insert a test swatch into my machine to check thread tension and KABOOM! The worst noise I've ever heard my sewing machine make, followed by a little rain of metal from above. NOT GOOD.

Now it's just me, my busted glasses and a back up plan.

Backup plans. That's what I'm thankful for this year.

Gosh! are you all dumb! MOM!!!

2010-11-19T14:29:00.004-05:00

I have a new hero. See below, I copied this from a tech forum. Background unnecessary, this cheese stands alone.

JW has asked that NT Batch questions are not asked in an inappropiate forum.

You can not use the MSDOS in XP as it does not have any, will never have any and I would be pleased if everybody got this into their skulls. XP is based on IBM OS/2, NT3, NT4, W2K and therefore a 32bit O/S with an intergrated GUI, totally unlike MSDOS

Even Linux in command line looks similar to MSDOS, but it is Linix, please will all you NT users please read and digest the following article as it explains why NT is not MSDOS and MSDOS is an emulation:

http://www.computing.net/windowsxp/wwwboard/forum/103161.html

So would you do this guy a favor and just get this into your skulls???

Adventures in awkward

2010-11-17T09:24:00.002-05:00

Schematic of the incident

I don't know how I forgot to tell this story.

HN's mother and her husband were in town for a week or so and I took an afternoon to take them to the mall to pick up some ipods for their grandchildren blah blah blah. Anyhow, it was raining, and we're driving home, down a road that has 2 lanes in either direction. The car in front of me moves over to avoid a large puddle and I consider doing the same, but then somehow I'm all super smart and smarmy and thinking "I have all wheel drive, I won't hydroplane. That dude is a p*ssy" so I keep on in the same lane, and just as I'm about to hit the puddle I see this little old lady, more specifically I see her huge eyes and her big "O" of a mouth as she and I both realize she is about to get the puddling of her lifetime. I didn't at this point have time to switch lanes and hitting the brakes on water is just not good, so I just went for it and *really* hoped that on top of it I wouldn't hydroplane, because really, how embarrassing would that be. The speed limit on this road is like 45, really I had no time to do anything safely. So I did it. I hosed this lady down for DAYS.

Then I bit my lip, then I burst out laughing because HONESTLY 1) that's bad karma and now I know I have a puddling or something coming my way 2) I was so smug in my all wheel drive-ness and 3) your boyfriends PARENTS in the car when you pull shit like that? That's going to go far....

So I proceed to laugh somewhat hysterically, because it's all so weird and I'm so uncomfortable right now, only it's that crazy laugh where your eyes are telling the story of how weird you feel while your mouth kicks it up a notch by opening wider and being louder. So that goes on for a few minutes, with HN's mother just staring at me and my brain rapidly trying to close down everything that I am doing right now. I finally get myself under control, ensue awkward 5 minutes of silence and then HN's mother ends it all with. "Well. Shall we go somewhere and get some lunch. Perhaps you would have a glass of wine."

Indeed.

what is is

2010-11-15T12:59:00.001-05:00

I have finally accepted that my bonsai tree is gone.

Making a quilt for my dad. Too busy?

Kitty is feeling better.

The good, the bad and the not very flattering

2010-11-02T07:34:00.004-05:00

So the good is that I have a reasonably normal week ahoy. By that I mean I am not traveling this week, there are no out-of-towners to entertain and there is also something else that provides relief that I am currently unable to think of, but I'll let you know. But I know there were 3 things.

The bad is that I am still sick-ish. I can't even actually decide if I'm sick or if it really is allergies like I keep telling people - if I say it enough will it become true? Please? And if so, what am I allergic to exactly that has lasted this long? Fall? Baltimore? Wine? MYSELF???!

I guess if you look at me (this is where the not so flattering (but ugly would be a stretch) comes in) I might appear to be sick. At least this is the message I'm getting based on the fact that HN keeps looking at me and knotting his eyebrows together in concern and going "awwww". Whatever, we all express desire in different ways and I'm not here to judge. My chapped nose is quite probably considered sexy in many cultures, and I know women who sleep in wool hats and sweaters and cotton sweat pants with their faces buried in a handkerchief are also quite the turn on (although, I don't think if I were to wave and drop this particular handkerchief that HN would gallantly race to pick it up without a biohazard suit on).

Essentially this is what HN has been coming home to every day: Wild hair, because I can get through the shower part but I really just don't have blowdrying/styling in me right now so I pretty much trade in my hair towel for a hat and praise the fact that wool keeps you warm even when wet, bloodshot eyes with big sexy bags under them and a nose area which is just a hot mess of chapped skin/mucosal egress right now. Fuck, I think I've turned into my mother.

But I can still cook. Or at least I could 3 days ago and for now, we're still living large on leftovers.

Saturday HN's mother made this, which he seemed to like so I then duplicated it on Sunday because I had a pound of shredded chicken going nowhere fast in the fridge due to a slight miscalculation in whether I was making soup for 2 people or 10 last week. It turned out to be 2 and I was left with a ton of shredded chicken just waiting for me to do something with it. I had already made empanadas last week for company (empanadas de pino, using the recipe from cook's illustrated;big hit) and then used the leftover dough from that venture to make Moroccan spiced butternut squash empanaditas (fucking good) the next day. Anyhoo, I made the aji de gallina sunday, adding some Jalapeno powder and cumin but otherwise sticking mostly to the recipe. Solid dish, good use for the meat but I don't know that it's going into heavy rotation as a destination. I'm not a huge fan of chicken and cream based things. Meh.

Anyhow, I had a long solid day of doing nothing yesterday and am feeling like I could almost be on the mend. For dinner last night I ate a bowl of shredded beets and carrots as big as my head with some vinegar for good measure, and today I'm on a program of even more veggies (stuff is starting to go soft in the fridge while I convalesce) plus a shit ton of pickled hot peppers; vitamin C plus hellfire and brimstone and this cold/allergy/parasite doesn't stand a chance. I'm supposed to have an onsite meeting today and I'm on the fence. On the one hand, it would be nice to get out of the house and perhaps even to see people but on the other, the novelty of those things tends to wear off after 10 minutes or so, and then the actual meeting continues on for another hour, so this could backfire. I have 4 hours and a jar of hot peppers between me and the time of decision. I'm also contemplating in some area of my brain getting exercise, thinking that if I just start acting like I'm fine and everything is good then my body will fall in line.

Being sick is boring I guess is the bottom line. BO-RING. and also, I'm lazy, so I can never decide if I want to stay in bed/dog bed/house because I'm lazy or legit tired. Then I think of those germy posters on the subway, you know the ones: "If you're sick keep your broke ass at home" or whatever they say and I try to compare myself to the dude in the picture and wonder if they're talking to me. Maybe I'll call the person with whom I was supposed to meet and cough for her, let her decide if she's up to the risk. Caveat emptor and all that...

the problem with working from home

2010-10-30T08:20:00.002-05:00

is that when you wake up feeling crap on a saturday, you still really have to leave the house for a while.

Also, I might firebomb my neighbors today. I'll let you know if it works out.

A case of the Fridays

2010-10-29T06:21:00.002-05:00

All week long I've been sitting back, smugly eyeing HN over the rim of my coffee cup because he was sick. "See?" I said, "You need to sleep more, and be serious about vitamins and water and stuff. Look at me, I've been traveling for weeks and am healthy as a horse. Here, have a tissue"

So naturally this morning I woke up for my 6am post upgrade systems test with a sore throat and stuffy head and all those other things I was being smug at HN for having. Serves me right-ish, but luckily I have soup and tons of orange veggies on hand because I was cooking them for HN all week. Sick people food, I can do. (and honestly I think my main problem is allergies. There is a cold front blowing in and the trees are being divested of their leaves and I'm pretty much allergic to like, everything in it's dusty form)

and now, post upgrade systems having passed all checks I am going to climb into the dog's bed and wait for my coffee/dayquil/sunrise to kick in and make me human again.

Monday, so far

2010-10-11T04:10:00.003-05:00

1) wait at bus stop for 35 minutes. Finally some woman tells me "you waiting for the number 4? me too, it's not coming. Let's go" and leads me to another stop where we catch it and she rips the bus driver a new one for the lack of signage at the normal stop.

2) my 1000 bead necklace breaks and I leave a little trail of orange beads behind me as I walk. At least I can find my way home now!

Make a note; things I am learning in the UK

2010-10-09T15:45:00.004-05:00

Educational trip this one!

Monday I learned that looking up the bus route on the internet is not the best way to figure out your bus route. Not when you're me anyway, I confuse easily. I know that I know this, but I keep forgetting and thinking that I can do it and then I'm all going out into the world and getting on weird buses. I also learned that I'm apparently kind of annoying. When I got on I asked the bus driver to take me to where I thought I wanted to go, and paid my fare. At some point I asked him again about where I was going and he got all pissy and pulled over and let me/told me to get off. I was all "whatever dude" and then I was all "hmm. where am I? I wonder if they will find me. Perhaps I should have gotten that mobile phone I thought about" I started walking in the direction the bus had left in, thinking that I must be close, and then I saw a sign for the American Cemetery which confirmed it. 2 RAINY miles later, I arrived at work, really REALLY glad I had bought a new raincoat right before I left home. It was a whim, and I'm glad I went with it.

Tuesday I learned that I apparently shout when I drink. I learned this when I went drinking with my coworkers and at one point there was one on either side, each patting me on the arm saying "calm down, it's fine". I thought in my head "Hmm, I must be shouting" I think it might be a Boston thing, because my college friends never placate, they just yell back.
I also learned that I had actually been thrown off the bus yesterday, not let off. My fare the second day was more expensive than Monday, and then it occurred to me that the bus driver Monday might have been so angry because when I showed him my ticket to ask him if we were there yet, he noticed I had gone past the stop I had paid for. I told my coworkers what I had said getting on and they said "yeah, no. that's not right" oops. Whatever. Then they told me what I *should* be saying to the bus driver, and then I also learned that sometimes asking people who know is the best way to figure stuff out.

Wednesday I learned that there are two #4 buses in Cambridge. Both are lovely, but not the same. I also learned that hangovers are totally ok at the office, and that when people say "Are you all right?" the WRONG answer is "yeah, why?" What they mean is "how are you?" and saying yeah why is weird and kind of rude.

Thursday I learned the american cemetery is awesome and immaculate, pictures to follow. I also learned that take out is not the norm. I went to a pub after work because I was starving and it was late and I was hungry and didn't want to cook but I really just needed to get home, so I asked for take out. The dude said "Ok" so I thought it was ok, but then he came out with a packet of tin foil, said "careful that's hot" and sent me on my way. Walking home with a hot packet of macaroni and cheese can be awkward, but I can do it.

Friday I learned we go to the pub for lunch! Yay!!!

TODAY I learned that that when they say "Next train leaving the platform is going to blah blah blah", they mean the NEXT NEXT train, not the one actually on the platform right now that you have boarded.

omfg

2010-09-28T12:05:00.002-05:00

I want to thank Jesus for bringing leggings back into style. It's like being in my PJs all day long without the judgment.

Look out world.

Thanks Hunt Valley Animal Hospital, for re-affirming my original fuck you assessment

2010-09-27T07:10:00.005-05:00

Phone call # 1: Hunt Valley Animal Hospital

me: Hi, my cat used to be a patient there but isn't anymore because I live in the city. My new vet just told me he needs to be on a renal failure diet* but that this clinic doesn't have the capacity for that so I need to switch vets. She said that she would provide all his records and labwork for me to give you. Can I switch back to you and make you my vet for future visits and come get the food?

Receptionist: If he's not a patient anymore, we don't really do that. You'd need to make him a patient again and come have an exam and labs.

me: This exam was done Friday by a vet. I'll bring him for an exam but I don't think he needs new labs. (read: you're not stabbing my old sick cat again)

Receptionist: Yeah, we don't really do that.

me: So you won't give me the food my sick cat needs because the exam was done by someone else?

Receptionist: Yep. Did you want to make an appointment?

me: No, I think not. I can order the food online with vet verification, I just thought, you know, since you are theoretically in the PET WELLNESS business you might want to like, help keep my cat alive and comfortable for a while.

Receptionist: Well, good luck. Online sounds like the way to go.

me: indeed.

Phone call # 2 (Light St Animal Hospital)

me: Hi, my cat is not a patient there. My current vet just told me he needs to be on a renal failure diet but that this clinic doesn't have the capacity for that so I need to switch vets. She said that she would provide all his records and labwork for me to give you. Can I become a patient there and make you my vet for future visits and come get the food?

Receptionist: Yep. I'll go through and see what brands we have and have the Dr here give you a call back.

me: Do I need to bring the cat down for an exam or something?

Receptionist: No, we don't need to do that to him. Just talk to our Dr when he calls you - which will be today - and then bring down the paperwork and stuff from your other vet. You might call your current vet and see if she recommends a specific brand, but I know we have all that stuff on hand.

me: see you later.

I fucking hate Hunt Valley. The reason I stopped going there in the first place is that they are fucking money machines with no real regard for the comfort of the dog. Their MO as far as I can tell is to stretch the pets life out without regard for comfort, for as long and as much money as possible. When Star was diagnosed with her thyroid tumor, their immediate recommendation was a $3k surgery to remove her thyroid, then potential radiation something or other to treat what might be left. "BTW, she might die on the table since the tumor is enmeshed in her jugular vein and trachea and also, she won't really probably live any longer than she will WITH the tumor, and if we nick her trachea nerves she'll cough and gag for the rest of her life. Also also the whole rest of whatever time she is alive she will be uncontrollably hungry and thirsty all the time because she won't have any thyroid at all to regulate metabolism. But I think it's worth it, here's a pamphlet, call to schedule surgery. Also, she has some tartar, so I think you should schedule a second anesthetic session and have her teeth cleaned. That would be $700 but dog tooth hygiene is really really important".

I made that "am I confused or are you an asshole or am I missing something?" face, mentioned that I thought tartar was lower on my list of priorities than cancer, confirmed that life span with or without the tumor was looking like roughly the same, the only differences being that with the tumor, she just has a tumor (gross and sucky, yes) but that in order to be without the tumor (with the surgery) she would be miserable and possibly paralyzed in her windpipe, and also as a geriatric dog, probably have some issues recovering from the surgery. All of my suspicions confirmed, I informed the vet that we were going to go for a "quality of life" treatment route and that I would call her when I thought the quality was lacking, gathered my dog while she protested, paid the exorbitant bill and left. For good.

And as of this morning, I remember why.

*I am anti "keep the animal alive at all costs to make yourself feel better". I will however spring for some boku food if it means another year of little dude being comfortable and healthy, screaming all night and purring all day. For that, I can give up Starbucks for a while.

After all, Star needs someone to keep her warm in winter...

Irony thy name is illness!!

2010-09-22T16:29:00.005-05:00

Today, to me, irony is when the sister of your boyfriend, an epidemiologist by trade, brings her typhoid ridden child to dinner and sits it next to you. Not ironic (ironic being that which is unexpected) is when the kid coughs all over your 30 dollar plate of food*. Even LESS unexpected is the fact that I am now nursing a case of the plague.

I want to say I don't even like kids, but Barbara Kingsolver made me feel bad about saying that out loud. blah blah future of our world, blah blah blah. I hate Barbara Kingsolver. That helped a little.

*yes, I still ate it. HN convinced me nothing got on my food and the restaurant didn't have a "my boyfriend's sister's sick kid just booged on my shit" refund policy. It was good too.

2010-09-19T10:24:00.001-05:00

Beety yummy goodness

2010-09-18T09:58:00.001-05:00

See??

Every day

2010-09-17T09:17:00.004-05:00

I have been a food preserving maniac this past 2 weeks. Upcoming trip notwithstanding, it's the final weeks of summer and that means the end is in sight. The end of my shelf thing on top of my counter to stop being covered with produce and fruit flies, mocking me.

I love summer for all the veggies and stuff. Now that I'm all weird and label read-y and also all "I can cook", I totally dig knowing where my stuff comes from and putting it up for the winter so I can open a jar of summer anytime I want. But summer produce-a-palooza also makes me crazy. 1) produce attracts flies. ick. fucking blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh on bugs. Seriously. I hate bugs. 2) I feel pressure to do something with it all so it doesn't get wasted. Only after like a month, I'm tired and about out of ideas, and yet there it all still is; watching me, mocking me lookatthebaby lookatthebaby. Or worse, going bad, which makes me the craziest of all. Because I'm crazy-prone.

Anyhow. The every day referred to above is the at least once a day, my kitchen gets douched and taken to a state of grace. Dishes dealt with, produce dealt with, everything put away where it belongs and stuff wiped down. Like a nice kitchen. Inevitably within 12 hours, it will look like a play-doh factory exploded. There will be food splattered all over my oven and counter, a sink full of dishes, water everywhere, and probably still more fucking produce, with the dirt that accompanies it as it's dumped out of it's garden bag onto my formerly clean counter top.

So, a nice thing about fall is that this will slow down. Then it will be back to once a week produce explosions, on market day.

Pictorial essay of the mess in my kitchen over the course of a week to follow.

It's always when you forget that you remember how important remembering can be

2010-09-08T14:09:00.003-05:00

Like bringing your camera when you go on a bike ride, because you're going somewhere specifically to look at the prettiness. Yesterday I took a sunset bike ride through Druid Lake Park and to the Rawlings Conservatory because their outdoor garden is amazing and inspiring. I went without my camera, so of course the light was just right, all the plants were blooming and I passed a solitary handsome man practicing his trumpet in the park. Because pictures of all of that would have sucked right? Said man was my favorite part, I think because I'm not sure he will be there next time while all the other stuff should be. I noticed him at first because he was looking around to make sure noone was looking, which is always a flag for me that something awesome is about to go down, so I parked my bike and took a water break to hang out and see what was doing. Imagine my surprise when he started busting out trumpet scales. That was sooooooo not what I thought he was getting out of the trunk! After a while he noticed I was there and was all "I'm struggling a little today", which I think was meant to encourage me to leave, but really only served to put me in automatic cheerleader mode. I heart underdogs and sad people; they are my kryptonite, at least the first few times. Every time he made a mistake he would look to see if I was there and I would give a big smile and wave and yell something encouraging. Eventually he stopped looking, but I kept yelling. My top 3 lines (IMHO) were:

"that one wasn't even that bad, I wouldn't even have noticed if you didn't stop"
"It will get easier the more you do it"
"ok, ouch that one was bad. But that's why you're out here practicing right? RIGHT?!"

I like to think I'll be seeing more of him, and he'll be thanking me from stage when he gets there.

Also like: If you have a fibertastic menu for a full day because you feel bloated and want to get the (other) poison out, then it's a good idea to stay near the house the next morning when you have your coffee. Specifically, don't go for a walk with your old lazy farty dog who doesn't understand about emergencies and won't jog home with you (not that jogging was that great an idea anyway).

That's really all I have right now. I haven't yet remembered what else I forgot.

Question...

2010-09-05T20:16:00.002-05:00

Why are shadow pictures so awesome??

2010-09-04T13:47:00.001-05:00

Thank you earl indeed. Balmy 76 degrees in mobtown today.

Expect prolificity

2010-09-02T10:12:00.003-05:00

Lots of work to do today. That means blogging is more fun!

LIFESAVER. or AGGRAVATIONSAVER anyway

squee!

Oh, I feels you

2010-09-02T06:48:00.003-05:00

Man, it's like this chick is talking to my heart!!

and i haven't even been drinking!

* She just doesn't know it yet!

Random pictures

2010-08-25T05:22:00.005-05:00

Because it's better than working and I have nothing to say.

Except that I'm so excited for my trip to UK and Amsterdam that I pee a little every time I think about it.

First up, some shots from a lovely canoe paddle HN, his dad and I went on. In Long Island of all places. This is the upside of living with the dude who looks at maps, finds green spots and says "let's go find this". The downside is that he does shit like that year round, like December. And doesn't take "no thanks, I don't really "do" cold" for an answer.

This is Star contemplating the fact the Murman (HN's dad) has broken off of the caravan. She was whining and debating a rescue attempt. She does not recognize that she is never actually able to rescue anyone, and more often tips boats over trying to do so.

This is dog giving me her best "whatchoo talking bout Willis?" If she knew swear words, I bet it would be more colorful.

Is this not lovely? and seriously. It's in Loongeyeland.

Birds on a wire. A lot of birds. It's like the Niagara Falls of crap.

I took this picture because I thought it was the home stretch. It was not. Now I use it to bring the pain back to life...
Peter Piper didn't have shit on my pickled peppers!

'Sup lady?

From the plane on my way back from Portland. oooh, mountains!

Right now

2010-08-18T22:38:00.003-05:00

HN is sitting next to me watching video after video on bow action. Like bows that you kill things with. It's a new thing he's doing, planning to kill things. I'm a little excited, because if he kills things, I will cook them which surely justifies all manner of new kitchen tools. Homemade sausage, coming right up, I just need to buy this handy dandy sausage stuffer (once I decide whether I'm "real" enough to handle natural casing). Otherwise, I'm a bit neutral on it. I don't ever want to meet my food, and I sure as shit would be a vegetarian if I had to kill meat to eat it, but I respect the hell out of the fact that he's taking this on for the house. Go hunter-gatherer, go! So long as he never brings home the face or the guts I think we're good.

The production quality on the video is actually quite good, which frightens me (though it only frightens me slightly more than the fact that he's watching them) THREE POUNDS OF TRIGGER WEIGHT!!

Between videos he's playing with his new chop saw. I don't know what's happening here, he's like turning into Rambo or something.

HN is ALL MAN!

and I am all wimp. Pictures to follow but my neck is all jacked up (again) The dude today actually took 5 minutes to listen to my story instead of the usual "here's some Flexeril go away" He asked me what was wrong and I said "I feel like my muscles are so tight they're pulling my bones out of whack" which is what I always say when this happens, because that's always what it feels like. So he did some cervical spine x-rays and guess what? The muscles in my back and shoulders are so tight they are pulling my neck bones out of whack. Specifically I have "artificial compression of cervical vertebrae due to muscle spasms" or something like that. I pretty much stopped listening after he said "you were right". OMG, it's almost like it's my body and I'm aware of what's doing with it right? I don't feel as bitter as I think I sound. I'm psyched he listened. I'm more pysched he sent me home with a bag o pills, because I think I might finally get some sleep in this joint. Thank you Dr Hero, I will do my best to dream of you in flattering circumstances.
I will try to keep this separate from the killing things/bow dreams I'm also sure to have.

so much to say, so little sense with which to say it

2010-08-18T09:37:00.003-05:00

We went to NY for the weekend/Mon/Tues to help HN's dad around the house and stuff. I drove the last leg home, since HN had done it on the way up. We rolled in around 1am, and I kicked around the house until 4:00 IN THE MORNING because I was all hopped up on iced coffee and Skittles. Mental note: you are too old to drink coffee at 9pm. and Skittles? Just no. I can't help it though, driving is like license to chill in the food dept. Potato chips and Skittles = POWAH!

I did get a ton of stuff done though, my unpacking and crap, and cleaned the kitchen (dishwasher notwithstanding. We have GOT to remember not to go away with dirty stuff in there. Seriously.)

On a more exciting -because it doesn't take much- note, this morning while reheating some carrot/sweet potato soup I found in the freezer I discovered that that gross textural thing that happens to potato soup when you freeze it and reheat can be undone with a quick blast of the immersion blender- I'm talking velvet soup where once there was weird chunky/watery stuff (that still tasted fine so I was going to eat it no matter what because there really are very few options available to me right now).

Praise be! Go forth and re-liquefy.

2010-08-07T09:14:00.001-05:00

Yard sale treasure hunt score!!

This week's secret ingredient

2010-08-06T09:03:00.002-05:00

It's spinach dude. As in, I am putting so much spinach in everything that I am about to scream maniacally like they do on PeeWee's playhouse when someone says the secret word. But overall it's a bit more nutritious.

When I came home last weekend after forever away, there was nothing to eat in the house that wasn't in a can or made of cheese. ~~Bachelor Bob~~ HN had been living almost exclusively off of corn, tomatoes and cheese. For reals, our cheese drawer is crazy right now. I think he bought a new one for every day I was gone.

Anyway, first order of business Sunday morning I went to Whole Foods and had a breakdown in the produce aisle and bought like a metric ton of spinach. Don't ask why. I don't know why, I barely remember doing it. And now, because I'm back on my "food waste = death" movement, I am determined to eat it all. The thing is, I really don't like spinach cooked all that much. Again, I don't even know why I needed a ton of it. I love it raw, in salad or whatever but there's really only so much of that one can do right? Normally I would agree, but I'm just going to have to see what I'm really capable of... This is going to make me a better person right?

Yesterday I made a reasonably bomb ass tuna salad (added onions from our garden, local beets grated up, chopped up one of my way too salty to live birthday pickles from last year, and a grated carrot. A little mayo, some balsamic and Bobsyeruncle) and ate it on top of a mile high pile of spinach. It barely dented what I bought. The day before, I had shoved as much spinach as I could into a veggie sandwich with swiss. Delightful, but it wasn't enough. You wouldn't even have noticed I was in there.

Today, the spinach is looking like it will soon be sad, so I estimate I have until tomorrow to eat it all. It's a tall order, and it means spinach is now on 3 meals a day detail but I'm feeling strong. (Probably because I've eaten so much fucking spinach that I'm all Popeye-ing)

This morning I wilted a pile and hid it on top of a seriously buttered slice of toast, sprinkled some cayenne in there and then topped with a scrambled egg and more swiss cheese. If I can keep this up I think I can make it.

Last night I ate a pile of spinach in between rounds of canning, freezing and food processing. I really needed that though, because it was hot like AFRICA and I spent 4 hours standing over vats of boiling water.

I did the tomatoes, ALL the tomatoes in sight; We have tomatoes coming out our ass- I've canned them, dried them, frozen them, eaten them raw by the bucket loads just to get rid of them and given so many away that people now avert their eyes when I say Hi just in case it's a prelude to foisting more off on them. There's a new shit ton of those fuckers in the yard waiting to be picked.

I pickled 4 pints of Jalapenos. Taco night is about to get real everyone! Well, in 6 weeks.

I blended and froze half a watermelon for smoothies. Mental note: 2 people do not need a 20 lb watermelon, no matter how thirsty you are when you see it.

I made (more) blackberry jam, froze some blackberries and made sauce when I ran out of pectin.

I picked cleaned and dehydrated another bushel of cayennes. Ground cayenne for all my friends!

Waste = death! Spinach = life. or at least my life. until the zucchini come in, and then I fear things will change.

Stakeout, pt 2. The lameness

2010-08-05T10:24:00.004-05:00

So dude never came back around for his bits yesterday. However, last night while all the neighbors were gathered around out front watching the 4 car 8 patrolman's worth of police mayhem (crazy neighbor off her meds, whoooooooole other story) we talked to a few of our neighbors who gave us a name (George) and assured us he would be back. They figured he got what he needed to get his fix for the day and he'll be back looking for more stuff to sell when he's out.

I've left him a nice little note, using his name, which if he's any sort of a crackhead should have him shitting his dirty little pants and hopefully bringing back HN's pump (if it hasn't been sold)
Contents:

George,
The things on this porch are ours.
Taking them is stealing.
Bring back the bike pump or we will report you. Everyone around here knows you and knows where you live.

When we don't want something we will put it on the curb.

Stay off the porch.

I'm working in the living room today anyway "just in case"

Camera at the ready, big stick near the door. I feel like I'm about to be a character in Thursday, the less glamorous and more boring prequel to Friday.

STAKEOUT - live blogging...

2010-08-04T11:58:00.004-05:00

That's pretty much me right now. Also, this is also accurate:

One of our neighbors just informed us that some crazy people came and carted off a bunch of stuff we had on the front porch. HN is NOT HAVING this (even though most of it was in fact garbage) and so he's nonchalantly sitting on another neighbor's porch waiting for them to come back, and he has a giant beat your ass stick with him just in case. I'm "working" but also hidden right inside of our door so that when they show up I can take some pictures of them to help return them to the straight and narrow should they kick up a fuss.

This is going to be awesome.

1;17PM UPdate: HN has now switched porches. Not sure if he was feeling conspicuous or what but he's moved a house down. He's also now doing his dailies (pushups, situps, etc) It's all very prison yard "give me back my shit or else" We've also gotten word from another neighbor that it's an older junky couple. HN thinks this means he won't need the stick, I think it means they'll remember that much better.

2:20PM Ok the excitement has worn off. I am sure they will be back, but I'd be willing to bet in the meantime that they have either forgotten where we are, or sold the bike pump and gotten what they wanted and are now nodding off on some other lucky soul's porch. HN is ever vigilant though.

2010-08-02T18:46:00.001-05:00

Tell me how you really feel...

2010-07-11T09:44:00.001-05:00

Jack Johnson show last night. Good times.

Update in pictures

2010-07-08T07:31:00.004-05:00

Sensing a theme here?

This is what I do when I should be working. Today I should be working working and packing if not that.

So anyway, you've seen the domestic bliss that was created when JG stormed the castle. In the aftermath, a Williams-Sonoma housewarming package showed up, and inside was this completely gratuitous yet necessary Tarte Tatin pan. I didn't have any apples, but what I did have was 4 lbs of Raspberries because HN's sister and I snuck out of work early and went berry picking.

I decided in the name of science that raspberry buttermilk upside down cake was in order.

I was so right.

Here are the berries simmering on the stove in the top of the pan.

This is a fancy clay pan and goes right on the flame.

Then once berries are done, pour cake batter on top and pop the whole thing into the oven. This is a big part of the appeal.

Flip, take a piece as big as my head, et voila!

Black raspberries might not photograph well but they ROCK MY WORLD.

THEN, JH#1 rolled on up and as we were trolling antique and junk stores on the avenue I tripped over this little beauty. It's a batik stamp, and I had JUST given up the dream when I found a small stash of them in Charlotte Elliot. I should have known.

Being a creature of impulse, and also having moral support to try something new in town I grabbed some rags, a couple of easy dye packets and got to it. Having JH#1 manning the google to counter any problems and egg me on was clutch.

Boiling out the wax kind of sucked it, but I used my giant canning pan, which doesnt have to be soo clean. HN's dad has a HUGE one at home that I have my eye on. His mom used to dye stuff and this is leftover of her supplies.

It came out nice, I wish I had done it on something other than a rag now. Oh well, I will. I have a big idea for this, but it will have to wait for my trip to pass.

My porch has been invaded by praying manti. I believe HN may have done this deliberately, but it's ok as you can see they are making themselves useful.

THEN JH#1 and I (and this is why she's #1) channeled my anxiety, pulled the cord and made a decision. We got some take out pottery from the paint your own place and I supervised while she did the dirty work.

They match one of my Chile mugs, and they please me immensely. I hope to be able to post a link to Lise soon. She made the original mug, and my birds are blatant ripoffs and copies of hers.

Giant sunflowers! Blooming! and facing east, which is the opposite way of the house. Doh! I had heard they faced east but the leaves follow the sun and I figured the flower would too. Nope. The flower sets up and stays facing east. It's pretty neat to see, if not a bit of a bummer since I only see sunflower ass from my house. now we know!

And tomatoes bloom. and bloom. and bloom some more. All sizes, all shapes, all AWESOME.

So that's what's new in my neck of the woods. I'll be wordier later, but I'm meant to pack for Portland etc today. Gah.

2010-07-07T08:32:00.001-05:00

Too hot...

And Australia and Kerry were like "WTF?"

2010-07-01T20:02:00.010-05:00

Honestly.

I'm telling the story of my evening in pictures. Words exhaust me. So this will be like interpretive dance, but with a camera. Picture cool indie music here ?

I decided to go upstairs to see my view from the roofdeck.

Sweet right? Well it was for a minute. Check out mah tobago hot peppers paw!

They are going to be so good.

And yes, there are cayennes in there as well. They are leaning over from the cayenne plant next door. Even though it looks like 2 kinds of peppers on the same plant, "that is highly unlikely" according to HN. We discussed it at length on his last weekly call from Alaska, mostly because I was convinced and wouldn't drop it. Oh yeah, HN is fishing again. I'm seriously considering trying fish again, just because it seems like I should.

Anyway, the roof garden.

I take a big puff of pride in the peppers, and then I pan left to gaze admiringly at my super lush tomato plant and I see this shizz.

It was definitely not like that this morning. I feel sure I would have noticed.

This much damage can only be done by a real asshole, so I knew there was an asshole around somewhere and I went looking for just that very asshole. It was this dude. Well, these dudes. 2 hornworms, which I had been reading about JUST THIS MORNING while I was surfing the web instead of working.

I'm sorry but that shit is from space.

It's like Jabba the Hut with 100 eyes. Retch. And I'm pretty sure this is his ass, but the other end was just grossing me out. It was like foreskin. Sorry dude, but it was.

And they're huge. and pretty strong too, it's gross.

Here they are being all Swedish painted gold men gymnast act at Canobie Lake and holding a cherry tomato suspended in midair. And sort of maybe doing worm sexy times, I couldn't tell. Notice how they're on a tomato plant branch. They were really unwilling to concede, which is kind of respectable. I had to take the branch off to get them off.

They would not let go. It was fucking SKETCH dude, and awfully creepy too. I mean honestly. And on America's birthday weekend no less. RUDE.

and then I put them down the garbage disposal and went to make faces at myself in the mirror since I went black raspberry picking today and am all dirty lipped:

and happy.

So much to tell

2010-07-01T09:39:00.005-05:00

which inevitably means I won't bother to try right? Here's a brief summary of what's shaking here at casa la vista.

1) My sunflowers continue to be ridiculous. 9 ft tall, no flowers in sight yet.

Cool puffy butterfly plants thrive in HN's other garden. I like to go hang out in his other garden while he's away.

JG came to visit and we rocked the ASS off of lunch. We also rocked the ass off some beer, a bottle of Prosecco, and a couple of bottles of wine, but I digress. Back to The Great American Summer Lunch of 2010. Amazing BLT's (Bacon, L, T and bread from the farmer's market), homemade lemonade and cheery cobbler (local cherries) from the hallowed pages of Cook's Illustrated. It turns out we both like cherry, and also that being able to read and following instructions is very important to baking. This explains why I fail at it and why JG excels.

This could be from the show, but it's not. Notice the pinky, that's how you can tell this dessert is highbrow. And she ain't fooling. Those dumplings were homemade too.

Tomatoes and peppers are shuffling along, and I still expect big things. I made ratatouille yesterday with only things from the garden. A zucchini, a green squash, tomatoes, onions and an eggplant. I ate the whole pan too.

Then this morning I went to check on my prize BLT tomato, who I have been eyeballing since it's debut last month. It was all yellow and sad and I spent a few minutes wondering why until I remember I planted Lemon Boys. Which makes it not sad, but ripe. BLTs again!

Fist for scale. And demonstration of raw power.

Flickr for more

What's new pillowface

2010-06-22T15:56:00.002-05:00

Good nap?

Things I'm about to be awesome at

2010-06-20T08:20:00.004-05:00

-replacing chipped or broken grout. I'm going with this dude's answer, simply because I like his style. Yes, I will go have a beer. "honey, I know it's early, but look he says it right here!"

-being a co-homeowner. Yes, HN and I bought the house. The deal is DUN. No, we are still not talking about getting married. You're welcome.

-being better about talking to my asian contingent. Seriously, I had no idea I was so big in Japan, but every day I get like 20 comments in Japanese. Now I know how David Hasselhoff must feel in Europe. It must be because I have a Japanese best friend. Don't all Japanese people know each other? He was probably bragging about me to his parents again.
konnichiha bitches!

-cooking with tomatoes and hot ass peppers. The garden is out of control. Here's a before and after just to remind you all. These pictures are about 2 weeks old, so there's more craziness going on but I can't keep up. Use your imagination and know that I've already picked several tomatoes and stolen a smallish eggplant. Better yet, here's a link, go see it for yourself. The first comment on both will take you back to the before pictures. I can't find the original files and I don't feel like downloading and re-uploading.

Here's a picture of Kitty, overseeing the madness of J&T from a safe place instead. This corner is now his new favorite place to sleep:

Overheard in Hampden

2010-06-03T16:07:00.002-05:00

Girl 1: you whore! I can't believe you slept with my boyfriend! I hate you!

Girl 2: I hate you too. I know you've been stealing my weed. I'm calling the police!

Me: oh please, please call them from right here!

Breaking the seal

2010-06-01T07:58:00.003-05:00

Oh man. The past 2-3 weeks my life has been consumed with receiving house guests from all parts, partaking in all manner of touristy activities and random outings, readying the house for social gatherings, and naps when I can get them. It's all a bit like living in the Great Gatsby, except that I have to do the cleanup too. And I don't live in a mansion.

It went to the point where I should tell you enough to catch you up, and then right past it to "forget it, there's just too much". Let's just pick up and carry on shall we?

I have some pictures to show, but should check in with work after the long weekend and make sure nothing's going crazy. Check back later.

My garden is awesome out of control huge, on all fronts. The roof garden is the p double o! My Jalapeno plant in shitting peppers, my first Cayenne busted out today and the remaining 4 plants have enough blooms to make me laugh when I think of how much I'm going to get from them all. I think beets and carrots are going to eek by, but I'm mentally writing them off so anything I get is a bonus. I blame it on soil conditions and vow to do better next year.

The tomatoes are going to be ridiculous. Everyone (HN) scoffed when I threw caution to the wind and planted them outside in March, but who's laughing now? Me, that's who because all 4 plants are producing fruit already, at least a month ahead of everyone else around here. The earthbox tomatoes continue to make a compelling argument for chemical fertilizer, while the organic plants do their best to impress not with foliage or size but with the clusters of tomatoes already showing up. I've just made a couple of small changes in placement today that I think are going to improve sun conditions for everyone. I'm obsessed and it's awesome.

HN has been slaving away like a madman on the backyard and it shows, and our ancillary garden has caught and things are on the way there as well. Later I'll put together a bunch of then/now pics. For now, to work.

Speaking of incredible...

2010-05-26T06:21:00.002-05:00

It's that time of year...

2010-05-25T06:21:00.002-05:00

Return of the tomato thief

It's not a tumor!

2010-05-17T20:47:00.001-05:00

oh if I had a dollar for everytime I stuck a needle into myself in the name of draining the abcess looking thing that's taking hold on my nose right where the cat almost killed me and nothing came out, I'd have one american dollar.

And a really sore f*cking nose. ouch. :o(

Do not hate when you see what I create...

2010-05-14T10:04:00.002-05:00

I have been hit by a veritable thunderbolt of inspiration from ~~the heavens~~ some dude's shop I was walking by. It was like the perfect storm of me deciding just this week that I wanted to cultivate a mint sampler, me coming into a bunch of different types of mint (some ridonkulous lemon balm I found in my neighbor's yard and snuck in and stole a big clump of while she was at work and my other neighbors egged me on, spearmint from HN in the form of a mega rhizome from his stash at school, peppermint from my neighbors yard snaking under my fence), my new book saying I should, and me walking by this dude's awesome thing while thinking to myself "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere I am going to put my mint? How do I do this?"

Mint is not the kind of thing you plant on purpose in your yard unless you plan on going into the tea business, or you were looking for some fieldy type groundcover because your ivy just isn't pernicious enough, or you just love the thrill of a constant battle for containment. I don't have any of those things going on right now, so I don't want mint in the yard.

I don't want mint on the roof garden. Because I said so, that's why.

So anyhow I'm ambling down the street yesterday drinking my coffee and pondering when don't I just about trip over this thing and knock it over.

I'm not going to describe it because when I tried telling people about it last night at this party we went to I got some serious side eye and one dude made the crazy sign when he thought I wasn't looking, so clearly I am not painting an adequate picture with my words, but it is going to be flipping sweet. I'm absolutely on fire about this, so there's every chance my lunch break is going to involve a Home Depot run, you won't even have to wait that long. But know ahead of time, it's going to rule. And it is going to be made out of $12 ducting.

Witness.

Getting his snuggle on...

2010-05-13T10:31:00.002-05:00

it's that kind of day in the hood...

On organic farms they till it like it is.

2010-05-06T07:26:00.010-05:00

Or like it was brought in in bags that said organic, whatever works for an individual.

Behold my hearty specimen!!!

This year I threw caution to the wind and planted my garden in late March. I am a rebel, but don't be frightened. The total upside to living with the gardening teacher is that if any of the bad ass heirloom plants he brought you home and told you not to put out yet die because you didn't listen, there's a decent chance he has more to bring you.

So anyway, I had green fever and planted everything outside over a month ago and shit is happening around these parts!

First the old:

First pepper bloom!

Pepper patch a la Earthbox

When I grow up, I want to be a Kohlrabi!

Tomato plant is strong like bull!

Group photo. From near to far: Spice bucket (lemon verbena, african blue basil, rosemary, oregano, sage), Flower bucket, beet bucket (not shown), pepper box (3x hot and 3x sweet), tomato bucket, tomato bucket, tomato earth box, carrot bucket, kohlrabi bucket. Hoo-ah!

But wait there's more! well, there will be anyway. So the house next to us is vacant. It's on the market but they're asking some crazy amount for it and I don't see it going anytime soon. they don't need to sell it, so they're unwilling to move on the price for a while. They have a nice yard in the sense of getting light and stuff and being flat and kind of a shitty yard in the sense that yesterday it looked like this (but worse because I didn't start out with the camera)

The only thing you missed is a few saplings I cut down. I dont know if you can tell, but it was roughly knee high all around.

After an hour or 2 it looked like this:

And I felt totally spent and calm in the way that one can after a solid 2 hours with a machete and a rake. Yes machete, I went old school and I liked it. Some of the plants got whacked when they weren't looking, some were warned: There can be only one! and then beheaded.

Let's get some perspective on this, from the vantage of my rooftop garden paradise:

Oh how I wish I'd gotten the before from this angle!

Off topic: that's my yard on the right. Don't mind it's lack of luster, there are big ideas afoot for that this weekend.

Anyhow, HN and I and one neighbor on the other side of this patch of weeds have decided we're going to put a garden in there. Using more of HN's badass heirloom strains because he has extras we're going to go large scale tomato and pepper (always with basil to keep the tomat-hos happy) and 1-2 zucchini plants. This weekend we get the tiller and take it all from drab to fab so stay tuned.

Hopefully soon I'll have better pics of my rooftop paradise as well. It's not very paradise-y right now, but that should also change this weekend.

Viva le DIY!!

I don't know where that pile of grass clippings went...

The short version

2010-05-03T07:15:00.010-05:00

Tuesday I flew to MS drove to LA to pick up some equipment, drove back to MS, north north ever northwards, through a tornado alley where only 3 days before a tornado had crossed the highway, sweeping cars out of it's way

Trust me, it's very dramatic in person. Just hard to get while beebopping, talking on the phone and cruising in my sweet minivan (which DID turn out to be mad comfy for the long haul. I love captain's chairs!)

Weds, do my business then onto OKC at night where I had wrangled a decent room, although I spent only 10 hours in it so I didn't get to enjoy the way I might have. I did however sit in every sweet chair and play with all the buttons on the fancy shower nozzle just so I could say I had.

It's not the Ritz, but there was no blood that I could see!

Near the office where I was working, there was a development named Gaillardia. Houses like castles!

And when I was done working for the day I had some time before my flight, so I went and kicked around this nature preserve I found. I decided getting some walking in took precedence over exploring downtown OKC.

Hello from the wilds of Oklahoma!

A little moment of serenity before the clusterf*ck that was my travel home

Friday consisted of doing some work (gross! and tired!) and SIGNING THE CONTRACT ON THE HOUSE! Yay!

and then Saturday. Well since this is the quick version, I'll summarize with a couple of pictures.

Saturday featured...

A behatted 4,000 lb Platypus full of drums and didgeridoos

A large scary fish (with schoolbus for scale)

Who made not so veiled threats at an AVAM bigshot

A day of the dead couple of newlyweds

And their bad ass Day of the Dead horse drawn carriage

a Hookah smoking caterpillar

A big lie and a 50 lb trunk attached to the front of a vehicle I shouldn't have been pedaling

A smooth water entry and paddle and a not so smooth exit:

The view from the top. Of the Platypus, that is. Where I belong!

a real live pagoda:

more pedaling I shouldn't have been doing, this time on the Platypus and also inexplicably, fried chicken urgently delivered by an elderly woman who so believed in her duties that she ran in front of us while we were doing about 25mph downhill:

Other than the part where we almost killed her, because really it's kind of hard to stop a 2ton monotreme when he gets his momentum up, HN was psyched to see her. He loves his fried chicken!

and a sunset as pretty as any I can remember

Followed by a night's sleep that was for reals the highlight of my week. I slept the sleep of the physically beaten and righteously exhausted. and I loved it! Sitting down on Sunday, not so fun owing to the BIG LIE and the associated lack of cycling shorts.

90 and Sunny sound PERFECT

2010-05-01T07:38:00.002-05:00

And so it begins. kinetic baltimore 2010

Jetsetting

2010-04-26T10:08:00.002-05:00

So I'm on the road this week. Jackson, MS to Backwoods LA to somewhat less backwoods MS, back to Jackson then to OKC and then home. Should be a whirlwind of travelly goodness, and I sustain myself with the thoughts that:
1) I'm renting a minivan for the first leg (JAN -> LA -> MS -> JAN). Laugh all you want, but those things are sweet rides and have all the amenities. Since I will be driving many boxes and 8+ hours that day, it is what it is and I choose to see the positives.
2)I am earning mad Rapid Rewards beeatch! Maybe I'll use one to come see you some time.
3)I am staying in nicer hotels this time. I talked to my boss about the "dead hooker truck stop specials" that I've booked myself into the past few trips and decided I need to stop doing that. I also worked out the logistics to knock one night off the travel by having 3 rough days, which I think calls for 2 nice hotel rooms. Since I book my own travel, that went unopposed and has been implemented.

More later, I'm going to do some work because it's been raining for so long that I'm *that* bored

Stifling one's natural urges

2010-04-24T07:06:00.000-05:00

The Sun and I: We are best friends!

So here I am, feeling a bit like Milton the Early Riser. I remember checking that book out from the library every week for like a year when I was little- my mother thought it would give me ideas for something to do in the 3 hours between when I woke up and when the rest of the world started moving (I was banned BANNED I say from using the phone before 9 due to a number of complaints from friend's parents because NO SUSIE IS NOT AWAKE YET IT IS 7AM AND CAN I SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER? "Sure, I'll go wake her up!"). I also remember memorizing it, then checking out the copy with the Braille page overlays and convincing household visitors that I had learned to read Braille (hint: throw in a couple of mistakes, but catch yourself before you go on). I further remember being late on returning it to the library and getting a stern letter about fines and such and freaking out that I was going to get arrested and spend my life in jail and not being able to sleep until my mother took me to the library to return it.

But I digress. I've been up for almost 2 hours now, even the dog won't get up. I spent some time staring hard at HN to see if I could will him awake, but he's had a long week and is sleeping like John f'ing Henry this morning. I made a serious production about getting up- shades pulled up, windows opened, loud stretching bedside. No luck. I made coffee and banged around, cleaned the kitchen, got our morning plans ready and have organized my thoughts and my day, set my intentions and made lists of what I need to buy to fulfill those. and still everyone sleeps. Cat got up with me for a bit but went back downstairs. On a normal day, I'd just be out and about already, making shit happen. Well, except that nothing is open yet, but I can do a mean window shop in this joint. I could walk down the street to an awesome threepeat yard sale, because that dude gets up at like 6 but that would be rude, since HN and I have planned some things for today and that being one of them it just seems rude to go without.

but sitting at the computer is for p*ssies. I'm going to dig something up in the garden methinks!

After

2010-04-23T13:11:00.003-05:00

Notice the shiny new white pipe. It is not old cast iron, it is not broken and there is no more pee on the basement floor. What is it with me and excretions all over the basement ?

During

2010-04-22T21:16:00.002-05:00

Before

2010-04-22T20:46:00.002-05:00

Gift from a tiny stranger

2010-04-21T18:26:00.002-05:00

Best part of my day.

She knew what I needed even if I didn't myself at the time.

Sweet nectar

2010-04-20T07:08:00.002-05:00

Aar!

2010-04-10T21:11:00.002-05:00

It's a bird house! Handpainted, one of a kind. Yes, sir. She's authentic.

omen

2010-03-19T11:04:00.002-05:00

it says "may the hat be with you". so appropriate. Ill explain later.

expect to see lots of interesting barrettes from me in the coming days...

Question:

2010-03-19T08:44:00.002-05:00

How many days in a row can I eat homemade falafel while on a quest to perfect my recipe.

Answer: at least 4 so

Falafel; it's what's for breakfast. and probably lunch.

Assuming the summer position

2010-03-18T09:13:00.001-05:00

Travel Advisory from the big skeezy

2010-03-10T06:38:00.000-05:00

Before I start, let me tell you that today is going to be much better, I just know it. I'm conscious of whinging a lot lately, and I have no doubt that today or tomorrow I'm going to have a mad cool peace love and happy post for you. Bear with me. Biegnets and chickory coffee are first on the list, followed by some probably really cool stuff, and some definitely cool walking around. Oh yeah, I'm in New Orleans.

Anyway, I booked in LA for 2 nights and 2 days because I was supposed to have 2 installs, only the second one canceled and it was really expensive to come home early so here I am. The first night of my trip I spent in a town called Thibodaux, which is a small town an hour away from NoLa and had limited options for lodging, but when I checked the pictures on various websites (why do I fall for this every time!?) I decided that hotel B looked like the best bet so I booked it.

I was set to be arriving in Thibodaux at 8 pm or so airport time and transport calculated in as part of the equation, and I figured even if the hotel was bad, it wouldn't be the worst place I've ever stayed (see last trip to LA, which still wasn't the worst I've seen), and anyway the pics on the website looked kind of cute. It was a little weird when I got there, which took longer than planned because in the Bayou the streetlights are not so much, and turns you're meant to take aren't necessarily all marked (which reminds me belatedly that every time I get a rental car, I think "Gee, I get lost a lot. I should get the GPS next time" and yet next time comes and I never do. Huh.)

So I arrive into the lobby, where some dude is hanging out with the desk girl, sees me and leaves and she thanks me because he was creeping her out. You're welcome Little Lady, I do what I can. She's checking me in and creepy guy comes back and she's all (loudly and super helpful) "ok miss. Just one guest, you'll be in room 123" and I'm all "Did you just announce to the creepy dude that I'm here alone and tell him my room number? Did you, Judas? Did you just do that? Really? I'm going to tell him you think he's cute when he comes to kill me." and I take my stupid key and run away, because for real, homeboy was a creep. If he worked there, I would have been very outwardly virtuous and respectful and inwardly waiting for him to start talking to his dead mother.

The hotel helpfully doesn't number the room doors, so you just have to drive around sort of guessing where you're at and getting out every 10 ft or so to check the 2x2 inch sticker under the window to see where you're at. So that was fun, or exciting at least, because people sure are friendly around here. Every time my car pulled up, someone flung open the door. I don't know who they were waiting for, because it wasn't me and I got a lot of doors slammed in my face even though I made a point of smiling. When I finally find my room I see a "lounge" across the way called The G Spot. Wanting to turn my frown upside down, wanting also to stop having work trips where I spend my night in hotels in the ghetto watching NCIS and fearing for my life, and having also recently been reading blogs of people who make the most of such trips, I decide I'm going to mosey over to the G Spot for a beer, because 1) I sure would love a beer, and 2) what a story. I can picture me telling my boss that last night I tipped one back at the G Spot. Oh what a lark it would be, telling this story.

So I give myself a pep talk about being a hermit and not sucking, throw my gear into the room and set out across the parking lot. I'm about 10 ft from the door when I notice they're hiring dancers, which heightens my ever present misgivings, and since I'm not really looking for a second job I decide maybe I could just have a beer tomorrow and that tonight I should stick with plan A which is watching NCIS while I fear for my safety. As a joke, I get into the room and I'm all "ha ha, let me look for bloody hand prints on the back of the bathroom door" and the joke immediately stopped being funny because:

Fucking seriously? Do I collect dead hookers or something?

So, I know that my sample size is small, but I feel comfortable saying that a crime has taken place in every hotel in Louisiana and I have the research to back it up.

I slept fully clothed, knife and phone in hand, because I'm crazy and more than a little neurotic and that's how I roll and in the A.M. I wake up alive and mostly refreshed and head for the shower....which has no water. I would have found that out last night if I had felt comfortable leaving the door unguarded but that aside, I wander down to the front desk and tell the girl and she gives me another key and says "go shower next door" I do love a problem solver, but friends there is not much that is creepier than being in a totally empty hotel room, with none of your belongings or anything. I was totally waiting to be stabbed through the shower curtain, and when that didn't happen I wrapped up and moved on back to my own room to get ready.

The clinic, as they most always are, was pretty awesome and so I'm always reminded of why I end up in the ghetto when I see the clinic running and helping people out and then the day was all better and I trucked back up to NoLa for hotel room number 2, which I already knew was not in the greatest area but was supposed to be decently nice. It's a motel 8 and while it won't be winning any awards anytime soon, it appears at least to have been painted since the last time a hooker was killed here and I felt pretty good about that. I threw my gear down again, had another mental argument about being a hermit and went down to the front desk to talk to the dude about where to eat around here. He directed me to Lucky Jean's seafood and I tried people, I really did. But I was a bit conspicuous in my work clothes and I totally felt weird and then there were signs saying "NO SLEEPING IN LOBBY" "NO SLEEPING IN DOOR" and inexplicably "DO NOT FALL" and again I decided that exploring by little girls in strange cities is best left for daytime, so I ran back to the hotel and ordered a pizza. Being so tired from sleeping with one eye open the night before, I actually did get a decent night's sleep and now here I am, up at crazy early EST time and plotting my day. As I said biegnets and chickory coffee are first. That being done I may check out the D Day museum based on a very enthusiastic recommendation from someone at the clinic, and then the NoMA if I can get in. I'm waiting to hear about whether I can standby on an earlier flight home, but I also am not sure if I want to. I really do want to have some sort of nice time in a strange place for a change instead of always having to run right back home and shower because I'm so glad I'm alive.

So stay tuned, because the next thing I write will be something about how much fun I had. I just don't know how long that will take to happen :o)

If I tweeted it would say...

2010-03-06T19:06:00.004-05:00

that right now I'm in the living room surfing for movies we might like to go see while HN is in the kitchen whipping up salmon jerky with the last of his alaskan salmon. He's also watching a video he bought on recreational tree climbing.

The dude in the video refers to himself as "Treeman", which is pretty spectacular in and of itself, but to make it even better:
1) this dude sleeps in trees sometimes.
2) HN is ordering supplies to do the same. Yep, sometime this summer I will be put on notice that HN is ascending and camping out in the trees behind our house, just because. If you think I won't least briefly consider paintballing him, you don't know me very well at all.

I would also mention that all of this is inexplicably made better by the fact that today while feeding the bees with no beekeeper suit on, HN got stung in the eye so his eyelid is swollen shut and he looks like a cross between Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront, a mongoloid, and Rocky.

I've asked like 100 times if he would yell Adrian and stagger around just a little, which is how I got asked to leave the kitchen and sent into the living room to check out movies in the first place.

2 legit, 2 legit 2 quit

2010-03-04T12:24:00.002-05:00

You're welcome!

Oh man, you guys are missing out on whole periods of my life. I take a million pictures, somehow uploading them to the computer has become a chore so I don't blog about them because why tell a story if you're not going to have pics and then by the time I do upload pics, the story's old and I just don't bother. You deserve better than that, so instead of working today, I'm dedicating my lunch hour to you, the people. All 3 of you.

So this past weekend as previously stated, HN and I went up to NYC to visit with his family. His sister is now home from Haiti and wanted to show everyone her pics and talk about her time there. We were offered accommodations by HN's godmother who is one of the nicest people EVER, but since we couldn't in good conscience kick her out of her bed we decided to rent a hotel nearby. HN put me on hotel patrol and since I love a challenge I set out to find some budget accommodations in the city and came up with the Hotel Gershwin.

Check it out!

Spermtastic!!!

Maybe you agree, but if you don't you're wrong. They did look like giant sperm hanging off the building. The theme continued inside, that one over the door goes all the way in and down the lobby- it's totally a sperm! There's also a HUGE bowl of condoms on the counter, because this is a hotel/hostel and things appear to get freaky on the 12th floor. HN was careful to stay close, lest his junk get fondled invitingly.

The room was definitely budget, but did the trick. Bed, bathroom, tv? check. 79 bucks? I'll take it. Apparently a lot of famous people stay there too, because they had pictures of them all over the hotel:

Sat night was nice, Sunday afternoon we killed at the Museum of Art and Design Slash exhibit, then headed home because I needed cheese and HN had work to do.

I busted out Pioneer Woman's Mac n Cheese, being VERY careful to stick to the recipe and it turned out pretty AWESOME! Who knew quantities really mattered?

Check mah cheese!

What's that? You want to know more about that cheese shredder looking beasty in the background? Why step right up and meet the Original Saladmaster Machine!

It slices, it dices, it shreds, it does other stuff....

I totally scabbed this from my Nana's kitchen when she moved into her new place. Old and foreign cookware is my jam, and she didn't disappoint. This is my greatest treasure. Apparently, my grandfather was a big fan of ordering gadgets out of the back of magazines, and in 1950 he ordered this little gem. I know the exact date because my grandmother's still pissed about it, and though she sometimes forgets the names of her children she will never forget those who pissed her off. Irish Alzheimers we call it.

Anyhoo, the Saladmaster is my shit. I have been known to shred entire bags of carrots just because once you start, it's too fun to stop. Someday I'll have a full on saladmaster infomercial made up for you all.

And speaking of infomercials, I just ordered a flip HD for my nephew. I plan to test it before passing it on, just, you know, to make sure it works and stuff. I've been practicing sounding informative and excited, and haven't told HN why. It's a pretty awesome game. Sometimes he infomercials back without even knowing why he's doing it. I'm fairly certain life is only going to get better once the camera actually arrives.

ShamWOW!

No animals were harmed in the making of this post

2010-03-02T14:12:00.002-05:00

Because it's Veggie Tuesday! Seriously this time! I ate like a whole cow last week and roughly half a pig so I might even throw in a 3rd meatless day this week to atone. (Maybe veggie tuesday is referred to now as VT? Something must sound cooler, I'll have to think on it. Though VT can be used for Tuesdays and Thursdays, and that's like recycling so maybe that is the answer...)

You might be noticing that the pendulum's swung back the other way and I'm all cheery again. Well, I'm faking it until I make it because I was getting a frown line, but either way you reap the benefits. Today is going to be a total success I just know it! I even entered like 100 internet contests just to prove it. I feel lucky!

Dinner is going to be squash, fennel and onion, which is always outrageously delish and for a side I'm torn between barley pilaf (tempting because it would finish the barley and is delicious, not tempting because I'm eating my way through the most mediocre pot of soup that I made last week in a failed attempt to finish the barley and a bunch of veggies that were going downhill fast and I'm close to barleyed out) and Forbidden Rice in a pilaf of some sort or laced with carrot shreds. and I can't help it, every time I make or say Forbidden Rice, my head goes right to that horrible lambada movie from the 80s and I run around singing a far removed approximation of the song at top volume. Sometimes, I pretend I'm the medicine man and I try to cure Star's ailment with an asp, only I don't have an asp so I have to settle for waving the cat at her while singing the song, which I guess means I'm being both the medicine man and the amazon princess but whatevs: I'm pretty confident I can handle both jobs and the cat doesn't seem to mind. The song really gives me the extra boost I need to make it. That and the 2nd cup of coffee.

In fact, sing with me friends! Seriously. Really good for getting people out of your personal space, and/or your general vicinity. And if you're not convinced that you should watch this clip, here's the movie description:

"An Amazon Indian princess, in an attempt to save her rain forest home from the destructive forces of a greedy corporation, travels to Los Angeles in hopes of convincing the company to change its ways"

It may be 9 minutes of your life that you'll never get back but the song will stay with you for ever.

Now, there's also a fully Spanish version of the song and that's actually the one I sing and I think it's really better in that case that I don't know Spanish. It really adds something.

OMG. martes sin carne ! that is SO the answer! Danger, mystery, manjar.....

a whole new case of the blues

2010-03-01T16:01:00.003-05:00

Somewhere in the midst of all my UPS troubles, I also got a new computer. It's kind of a beefcake spec wise, so I was pretty excited. It was delivered to the NC office and twice when I was supposed to go get it I got delayed because of snowstorms so I just got it Friday the 19th and finally opened it Monday when I got home.

It sucks. I didn't want to complain before because I was busy complaining about UPS and my period, so I left Citrix (don't get me started) and Dell(kill me, please) out of it.

The suckage comes from max resolution = not enough because the specs didn't list max resolutions so the guy ordering didn't think to ask and when I finally got it and opened it and called Dell I was told they only help you within 30 days and I had called at 32 days so I am up a certain creek without proper equipment, unless I want to pay 400 beans for a new monitor, which I kind of do but my boss won't let me. Anyway, I put it back in the box and went back to my old crap laptop with the useful display until today when I decided I really should be getting over it. Not 15 minutes into working on it I get this.

Blue skies, nothing but blue skies...

Excellent chance I am putting it back into the box again. Anyone want to buy a slightly temperamental laptop with cartoonishly large font? :o)

ok, no more of that menstruation business. for now.

2010-02-28T21:10:00.003-05:00

but I do want to talk about my zits. I think a couple of them were not actually zits, but I think I might have been brutally attacked by a spider in my sleep.

At some point after my last rant, I realized I might actually be the toxic employee and that I also probably needed a drink or 7, so I went up and had a little nap, employed a little mint face steam action and then refilled and used my special fancy homemade face/body scrub (olive oil and sugar), both of which make my skin really happy and things felt like they were looking up right away and I knew I would be better on Sat and fine by Sunday if I would just calm down.

Then HN and I met up with some friends for "dinner" which I really thought was just going to be a very grown up dinner with some older calm couples, but when the waitress came people started ordering tequila which is pretty much always an awesome way to start the night, and it did not disappoint. We did end up eating dinner, and HN had THREE beers which is the most I've ever seen him drink, though I'm not sure if it counts because at some point he began gesturing wildly and smacked the last 1/4 of his beer across the room, so maybe he only had 2 & 3/4 beers, which is close to but not quite the most I've seen him drink. BUT THEN when HN was all rambling on about something because he was a little tipsy (which I find intensely attractive in a man) and I thought we were saying goodbye, it became apparent that no, dinner was a pregame activity and now we were adjourning to another bar up the road to see some dude who used to live here but then he moved and now he was back for the weekend and we were celebrating because he sold a bunch of shit at some craft fair and knocked up his wife so drinks for everyone, and within walking distance of our house no less. So we continued on up the street, HN talking like the dude in a bud light commercial about how he loves everyone, and assorted other stuff he "knows" after like 2.5 beers and then we had another couple of drinks, which brought us both to "pretty drunk" and at some point the dude with the fertile woman left and HN and I stumbled home together while discussing profound topics I can not recall and sacked out in the rather choice combination of clothing that always (for me) accompanies overdoing the drinking. Always awesome the next day to retrace my steps around the house by what I've discarded where, and to marvel at what I chose to keep on.

Anyhow I digress, back to my zits. So my magic steam/olive oil elixir did in fact do the trick and cheer things up round the old melon, except for 3 spots which revealed themselves to be perfectly lined up and also a little, umm, greenish and puss-ish which has happened to me twice before, both times when I got bit by some whack spider. They're not like huge boils or anything, and the tissue isn't necrotic, but they're def not just zits. The trail leads across my cheek, so I comfort myself in the knowledge that I probably ate the dude, therefore making me the winner in the war which is what counts. The ones that really were zits are pretty much gone, I think equal parts because of my olive oil magic and the amount of water I slammed yesterday to make up for the night.

Yesterday we were both feeling a little rough but I had woken up at 5am Sat, taken off my other sock and then slammed some vitamins B and C and 2 huge glasses of water so I daresay I felt a little less rough, although in the end we didn't leave nearly at the time we thought we would have been leaving for our NYC jaunt (more on that later) because we spent the morning scrambling to get in touch with his family in Chile and people were unaccounted for so we went over to his sister's and checked in and stuff and then left mid afternoon for NYC where by the time we arrived the last of the family members in Chile were located and found to be safe and sound, so that was good even though we were still a weensy bit hungover.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about NYC and my new idea for a cooking channel but for now I have to go to bed because Friday was a rough night and last night we stayed in a heat controlled hotel room which was like a sauna and NYC is loud so I'm about half dead and PSYCHED to be back in my own bed, especially since I ate that little asshole spider and don't have to worry about him getting me in my sleep tonight.

When it rains it pours. But just because it stops pouring doesn't mean it's done raining

2010-02-26T16:04:00.002-05:00

I know how you feel, man. And also, his body is actually wider than his head. He looks all alien in this shot, but I do feed him.

I'd love to give you info on how the cleansing eating is going, but since I'm bleeding to death AGAIN I'm basically on a red meat and caffeine diet. By AGAIN I don't mean "another month" even though that shit does piss me off on the regular- and I don't care what people (mostly guys and my mother and my sister) say about it being natural it is not natural for ones lady bits to leak one's own life force down the tubes all the time, it's the ultimate act of betrayal by a region I'm usually so appreciative of. It's my blood and I need it to live!

No, I mean AGAIN as in AGAIN since last week. Last week I made the mistake of walking by Melanie who was all a la menstrual and since I am not woman enough to resist the siren song of any other female's pheromones, I instantly began bleeding and I was all "ugh whatever, at least it's out of the way early this month" only Nooooo, my shit's on a schedule so even though I had my "visit from Aunt Flo" THE LEAST WELCOME GUEST EVER last week, that ho is back in town. I'd use BF's analogy about guests and fish smelling bad after 3 days, but it just doesn't seem appropriate in this case. Hate stupid 2nd consecutive week period, and now I shall take my stupid zitty looking skin (am I 12? am I 16? In which case, where are my perky 16 yo boobs please?) and my stupid water retaining *everything* (seriously. I'm like a fucking dromedary right now. Does anyone need anything delivered across the Sahara, because I'm fairly confident I could make it) and my bad attitude (ask anyone customer service rep who has looked at me funny at all this week), and go cry (and yell and sulk) into the coffee I made and dumped 3 packets of hot cocoa into because it just really needed more cowbell. and then I'm going to go eat some more meat and try to staunch the bleeding, or dull the pain with advil until my eyes burn.

Anatomy of the perpetually menstrual

Back to my roots

2010-02-23T11:37:00.003-05:00

You know what we haven't talked about in a while ? Cleansing. "Cleansing", as in that kind of cleansing. Not that I'm irregular or anything, but it's been a while since I actively focused on picking up the pace if you know what I'm saying. I think it's about time to make some things happen.

I never did quite work up to doing a full cleanse, and it's not going to happen now but I think I can meet myself halfway (what?).

I'm still working my way through the contents of my cabinets and making decent progress but I think I can find a way to combine the 2 objectives: cleaning the cabinets and cleaning my innards out. To that end, it's legume week here at casa de awesomo and I have some cannelini beans soaking right now that should do the trick. I'm thinking a take off on cassoulet tonight. I have some sausage and some bacon in the freezer and onions and peppers that should be used like yesterday. I'll have to buy some kale to beef it up a little, but I have pretty high hopes for this one. I'll check back later, and expect some gory details regarding diet and results as the week progresses.

I didn't think of this until after breakfast, but to make up for it I just had a bowl of spinach, carrot and beet salad as big as my head so I feel pretty good about today.

I'm also formally instituting vegetarian 2 days a week, possibly 3. I've decided I have to assign the days though, because otherwise I lose track of it (Mike, so much makes sense right now!)

So the days in question will be Tuesday and Thursday (umm, starting Thursday I guess) . Sunday is my cooking day, which means meat, and then Monday for leftovers (of the meat). By Tuesday I should be sick of whatever I made Sunday and be ready for a break. Friday and Sat are just too unpredictable to plan for. So there it is. My new life in a nutshell.

Doesn't it sound awesome?!