oh. my. gawd.

hahaha, this is great. when we last left our heroine (that's me), she was bitching about not having any christmas going on and just about fed up and ready to go haul a tree carcass in and string it up in front of the hippy (that's adam). she was also making a dinner los fabuloso, which came out as good as i knew it could be and was delicious. but back to my christmas cheer and the material display of such things.

it wasn't exactly true that we had no decorations, but they had been left by the previous tenants and were really tacky (it's kind of a thing in my neighborhood). i had sorted through them, decided they were all nasty and boxed them up to go to goodwill. more on this later.

so: not 2 hours after i posted, adam comes home and begins clearing a spot out in the corner. i knew something was up, but then when he grabbed a 10 in saucer i had lying under another plant, i thought the something might turn out to be pretty lame- what could possibly fit in that that is worth being excited about?? he makes one trip back to the car, returns with some hangy garland things. very nice- pine cones, mixed greens the works. 3x9ft lengths. so far so good, i'm impressed; excited even.

back to the car again. returns with 2 shiny greens arrangements which are nothing but frivolous- i mean, they werent the sort of thing youd expect your boyfriend to come home with. they seem more like the kind of thing a girl would want and a boyfriend would roll his eyes at but keep quiet and take it home, you know? i had one brief moment of "who are you because my boyfriend doesnt buy stuff like this" but i liked them so i wasnt complaining.

<- shiny green non manly things


for me, yay! --->

a third trip to the car, flowers for me (yay!) and some assorted snacky goodness from whole foods (also yay!). also on board are some nice shiny, classy bulbs (oooh) assorted hanging colored lights (hmmm. ummm) this is where things start to go "Different Than I Had Imagined Them".

fourth and final trip: Adam (hereafter referred to as Mr Christmas) comes waltzing in proudly bearing a 7 ft tall, LIVE AND WITH ROOT BALL canadian fir tree. Now, a couple of things are funny about this:
1) adam has a tree. like from a nursery, this tree needs a forest or a yard or something tree. he had at one point in some anti xmas tree slaughter rant mentioned getting a live tree and setting it free after but i totally didnt believe him. but he has a tree and is already going on about all the neat places he can plant it. he is making googly eyes at it, petting it's branches and all around looking way too happy to be near this tree. i think it's his new pet, and i suspect he may go visit this tree now and then once it is in the woods.
2)he has attempted to put this tree in a 10 inch saucer. this tree is about 15 inches and 50lbs too big for the saucer, yet he tried his little heart out to make it work. man logic becomes evident (the saucer is an unmitigated casualty, but well worth it in entertainment value) and i settle in to realize that my little tree hugger has just saved the holidays. most excellent.

that does not fit in there

so. we break for my fabulous dinner, talking about the tree and the lights. i try to tactfully bring up the colored lights thing and explain it isnt really my ride, and i was picturing more of a simple tree, with white lights and some classy decorations. nothing fancy, it's really more about the tree for me. and the lights. white lights....mmmm. adam-? not buying it, which was surprising. he's very minimalist and natural in his pottery, i was thinking he wouldn't want to decorate the tree much at all.

boy was i wrong.

after dinner, we adjourn and i head upstairs to putter. i mention to adam that the decorations that came with the house are boxed up out back and we should load them into the car for goodwill. i come back down 15 minutes later and he is up to his elbows in said boxes, exclaiming loudly over all the neat stuff inside. uh oh. he is also stringing himself up with silver garland, which he apparently intends to drape all over the poor tree, which at this point i just feel bad for. colored lights? silver garland? tacky leftover 80s ornaments?? ICK. so i see the garland, recognize that i am at a crossroads with this tree thing and i decide to compromise. he brought the tree home, i'm really happy about it and i dont for once feel the need to impose my will and put my foot down about the tree. silver garland and multi colored lights it is, how can i help you? (damn im a big person!) so he strings the lights. it doesn't look offensive or anything. go get 'em tiger! i can totally handle this! then he starts stringing garland. i attempt to get in the holiday spirit and start hanging bulbs but am requested to let him get the garland on first- apparently there is some sort of science to tree setup. i back off, wait my turn and eventually Mr Christmas deems me worthy and i am allowed to approach the tree.

the view from the couch, where i was sent after hanging that white bulb right there before himself had a chance to hang the garland.

i hang a bulb, all is well, we are merry. i grab some more, and get to hanging those too. then i notice that Mr Christmas is following me around, moving all the bulbs i hang around- apparently there is a very specific look we are going for, and since i haven't got the vision, i'm just messing shit up with my "random" and "obvious" bulb placement. he's not seemingly malicious with this bulb fixing, just really looks like he has a plan and my shit is freaking him out because im not putting it where it goes. he's sort of silently suffering and trying to be non chalant about the fact that he's rearranging bulbs on a live christmas tree he brought home and stuffed on top of a 10 inch saucer.

noticing his pain of course motivates me to see where i can hang things that might actually cause him to gasp or seriously freak out. this game is fun for a bit, but then i realize i'm just not doing it right and he's following me around spending *way* too much time thinking about bulbs. then a couple of things dawn on me:
1)the hippy has a vision. he's pretty good with the art stuff, so i thought he might have something great in mind that i just lack the vision for. i decide stepping back and letting him go might have interesting results.
2)my digital camera is right there. i can sit on the couch, supervise, photojournal, and post on my blog to take the piss out of him!!

WINNER! and so i settle in. dog in lap, camera in hand, and watch Mr Christmas show me how it's done.

more on the tree later

Star says "I know this fool is not busting out neon lights"