Tuesday, April 29, 2008

we need to talk

but I don't have time.

Things I need to tell you about:
-Oregon:
-Raw milk
-cleansing and living with Dr J
-Dr J is trying to kill me.
-Portland is f*cking beautiful.

more later.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Time off for good behavior

This post is long. I shall splice in random pictures without any connection to the stories at hand to keep you awake.

So when we last left our heroine she was screaming at pretty much anyone unfortunate enough to be in her vicinity. Ok, not really screaming, more shooting silent dirty looks but I was screaming on the inside. I was hateful Monday, it never got any better. It did work out a little bit though as I got to apply my nastitude productively towards the end of the day to a local LAN administrator who for 6 consecutive months has ignored what has been requested of her in regards to my project coming to her building.

So Monday she tried to tell me there would be emergency costs associated with my needing her work completed by Tuesday and I was quite uhh..."vehement" in my assertion that since I had a documented set of requests going back 6 months and there was no need for it to be an emergency that she should get out her checkbook for said emergency costs. I thought I might have overdone it when my very reasonable partner in crime from NSI suggested I go busy myself in the other room with anything other than speaking, but I was comforted by the fact that I was right, and what's she going to do anyway? Start not doing what I ask of her because I'm a bitch?

Please. We're there.

From my walk Monday night. Dog and I both needed to pound the ground for a couple of hours and this just cracked me up. The barricade they made was most impressive.

Anyhoo, later in the day I noticed that the 2 people I was working with, both married men, just started saying "Yes, absolutely" and "wow, that's great" to everything I said. I started to think I was even more obviously heroic than at times past when I realized they weren't even paying attention to me! Anytime I opened my mouth, practically before I was done with my sentence it was "Wow. Great!" They were PANDERING! Not offensive, since "that's great" just never gets old (and to be fair, my ideas were all great) but it occurred to me I must be giving off obvious danger signals if I was activating Married Man Danger Evasion Behavior- so I got out the calendar and lo and behold if PMS isn't blinking like a neon light on my forehead. Explains so much (tight fitting pants!).

Prettiness in the parkage

Tuesday I was just busy which was fun-ish. It also involved a wet lunch, which might account for the majority of the fondness with which I recall the day. The local LAN lady isn't speaking to me but there were 8 new network ports activated and waiting for me at her building the next day. Not content to leave well enough alone, and not quite through to the other side of the nasty I completed one final steam blowing act of thanking her for getting that done so quickly, and then asking if it could be done so fast why it took six months and 100 points of my blood pressure to get it to happen. I've not gotten a response to that, but I asked her in email and cc'ed some key people so it's out of my hands. We were setting up one of the satellites of NSI to go live for Weds, and the fact that she didn't register my static IP address still screwed me, only I don't have time to wait because I'm off to Portland next week. This site is still using FILM people, I consider this an emergency and for 3 weeks now we have pushed it back because of this douche. I decided hell to the NO on waiting any longer. With some creative configuring and the help of the incredibly responsive and competent LAN admin at the main NSI site, I went through the MF'ing problem. As a result, Weds live came and went without a hitch as did Thursday, most of which passed in a fog admittedly. Allergies.

All the rain we've been getting has given the trickle of water at the park near my house the courage it needs to be a real river now. Complete with whitecaps!

So today, having decided that I need/NEED/deserve a new backpack, and having ordered said backpack in an "I must have this before I leave for Portland Sunday because I'm taking public transportation the whole 2 weeks I'm there and goddammit I NEED THIS" frenzy yesterday and paid in blood for expedited shipping, I am sitting at home waiting for "the package" to be delivered. I told everyone at NSI I may or may not be in at all, though I will indeed be going in now due to a run-in on the streets of Fells Point last night: HN and I decided to check out the Cat's Eye and see what was doing, and we ran into the brain trust from my company, who I knew was in town but didn't expect to see barhopping at night. Anyhoo, I've been promised some one on one time today with the CTO. 2 hours of sitting with him is like a semester class in 100 different subjects and I am unable to resist. He gives me just enough leads on things that I can look them up and work them out myself, and I'm very excited as I've just recently hit the wall of What I Know with a bunch of stuff at work. I am V nerdly excited.

I'm also excited about Portland because The Cleanse, while it continues here, has not made much progress. Still nothing worth writing home about, and I haven't had time or inclination to delve into what I'm missing so I decided to combine a bunch of birds with one stone and call in the Pros.
Notice Portland. Notice Cleanse. Through nefarious means I have secured some private time with Dr J and she is going to learn me, clean me, and poke me with needles (all of which I LOVE having done, sigh)
You might not even recognize me when I get back I'll be so clean and relaxed. And detoxed, which surely must be a first. ha.

There are also plans to take another, more serious stab the Mt they call Hood while I'm out there so I'll either have pics of that or awesome stories about rock climbing on Mt Smith. I'll keep you posted on the cleanse. This time shit's going to sparkle. Literally.

Monday, April 21, 2008

ugh.

So it's stupid Monday, which means I have to work. Not so bad in and of itself, except the torrential downpours that are taking place. Also not so bad in and of itself except that my car is still broken. so I had to walk to the bus stop. Run actually, because I forgot I was supposed to train my UK office. so I rigged up a plastic bag to cover my backpack to keep my computer dry and hit the road.

I forgot my lunch and my headset, which meant that when I got here I had to tell the UK office we couldn't use Skype to train today, we had to use the phone. Only they have no phone in the training room. So I ran here in the rain for nothing, because training them was the only reason to be onsite this early in the morning. and I forgot my lunch.

The West African Chicken stew came out fan-f*cking-tastic (I would post pictures, but it kind of looks like vomit- Tastes V delicious though), and I was looking forward to munching more of it for lunch, though probably actually before since I eat like a truck these days. So now I'm hungry, foodless, pissed off and working . A bunch of my least favorite things to be.

And what's the deal with single normal sized people and GIANT golf umbrellas?? If you don't weigh 600lbs, or are not escorting royalty, can you really not make do with the standard 2ft wide umbrella? Or if you insist on creating your own dry block by carrying around a king sized umbrella, could you at least be cognizant of the fact other people need to use the sidewalk, and since you are the one with the satellite orbiting your head, you need to make the room. I almost lost my fucking eye this morning because some oblivious tard was off in lala land, waving his stupid giant 10x bigger than any normal person needs umbrella around. That's the kind of shit that makes you want to kick a stranger in the shins.

/rant.

I'm off for more caffeine and an attitude adjustment. You hope.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Dinner on the Sabbath

Sunday is called the Sabbath right?

Anyhow, getta loada this sh*t. I've had it before, this is my first time making it. It's going to be hard to outdo the gourmet french onion soup I kicked out for lunch, but I have to try.

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/106049

Thursday, April 17, 2008

how was tomorrow? I think you know what I mean.

Nothing exciting to report on the results front. I mean, there's results but still nothing I would call a friend about or photograph and send to a website. I'm going to have to step up my game.

Yesterday I had smoothie for breakfast, with extra stuff.
Lunch was vegetable (mostly carrot) based sushi
spinach salad when I got home
Chili and a huge pile of broccoli for dinner.

And not as much to show for it as I would like. And definitely nothing crazy. I think I must be missing a key ingredient for this whole detox via the exits thing. I'm going back to the drawing board.

Today I had smoothie for breakfast with a PILE of Psyllium, spinach salad for lunch and ethiopian lentils for dinner. It can not be humanly possible for a person to consume more fiber than I have today but now that I've got it in my head that I'm missing something, I'm wondering if this was all for naught. I *must* find something to add here, I simply do not accept that this is what all the fuss is about.

My mother says I'm a fecaphile. I deny this claim.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Progress report

or rather, a *lack* of progress report. Still nothing newsworthy, and frankly I'm a little peeved. Where are the toxins, and the cancer makers, and the years of buildup that are making me weak and undermining my health without my even knowing?! Why will they not flush?? I don't know if my expectations are too high, I mean it's not like I'm expecting to produce glowing stuff with a biohazard sign on it, but I'd like a little result here. Something noticeable, or even something different enough that I can reap the psychosomatic benefits of thinking something's happening.

I want drastic results, so I think it's time for drastic measures. I'm going to have a second smoothie this afternoon. It's potentially risky, but I seek the cleanse. I need to GET THE DEMONS OUT! I may also not have any cheese today. Perhaps I will have a nice spinach salad for lunch, and something lentil-y for dinner. I live on the edge, motherf*ckers!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained right ? (or lost as the case may be)

Stay tuned, tomorrow I hope to have a tale of Woah! to share.

Another random dog pic. And one of the beach.

Dog keeping watching while I'm lying on the ground. I believe Judas Priest's "The Sentinel" would be the appropriate soundtrack here.


Polished rocks and sticky seaweed.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Day 1 results- the real day 1

so lucky you all, you get to follow me through the chronicling of my cleanse. Day 1 results were ok, but nothing to write home about. And definitely nothing I would send to a website, so it's back to the drawing board with me. I give it a 7 out of 10, and a firm "I can do better"
I'm into learning lessons the hard way, so I'm not stopping until something potentially regrettable happens.

Yesterday I maybe didn't eat as healthy as I was going to, I had quiche with cheese for lunch, which might be counterproductive to the cleanse goal, but then I did have 3 bean veggie chili for dinner, which I thought would even things out. And still, meh.

So this morning I tried stepping it up a notch. I added a seriously heaping teaspoon of psyllium to my morning's smoothie, and this time I left out the banana. I'm looking for results people! I want my colon to sparkle mother f*ckers! Sorry, got carried away there. It's kind of what I do.

Anyhow, today's smoothie was
-flax (1 jigger)
-almonds (1 handful)
-raspberries (a bunch)
-cranberries (a few)
-spinach (a bunch)
-PSYLLIUM
-milk to fill the cup

Breakfast was rounded out with 3 glasses of water*, a Vitamin B and a ProBiotic complex capsule. Apparently cleansing can backfire and remove friendly bacteria as well when it gets to the very lining of the intestines, so it's best to supplement with the probiotics. The B is just in case, and because I giggle at nuclear pee.

*3 glasses of water seems like a lot, but psyllium expands and congeals when added to liquid. My smoothie this morning was of the consistency that when I held the glass upside down, there was no discernible movement. So I was taking basically bites of what should have been my drink, then washing it down with huge gulps of water. Psyllium can also backfire internally if you don't get enough fluids, and I'm not going out like that. Tomorrow, I will likely increase the fluid/solid ratio in the smoothie, perhaps by as much as 35%. It's all very scientific.

Not much else going on these days. Ernest Shackleton was the man is all. What a lesson in project management.

Monday, April 14, 2008

What's that smell?

it's.....FREEDOM bitches! The piano is officially GONE, but not forgotten. And I donated it to the bar up the street so I can even go play with it now and again. Funny is 5 skinny emo dudes trying to lift a piano, only to be surprised by the fact that it's heavy. No worries though, they were able to rally and get it done, with my invaluable moral support and cheers of "yay!" to get them through. The last I saw of it, it was loaded into the back of one very sad looking little pickup truck, being played by one of the aforementioned emo dudes, which overall made for a happy little ending.

So now I have a giant half empty hole in my heart and my living room but I can finally breathe. Let's all take a moment to mock my commitment-phobia and inability to cope with not being utterly mobile, even though I have no plans to go anywhere anyway. There. Now, moving on.


Travel plans are underway for the 2nd annual HN/KS storm the world extravaganza. As Guatemala did last year, Alaska keeps popping up this year. We're thinking 2 weeks out, and then HN will stay on and either work with friends or ride his bike around. None of this is finalized yet, HN is still considering other possibilities but I know a divine sign when I see it, and the one I'm seeing says "Go to Alaska". It has NOTHING to do with the 9:1 male:female ratio.

At all.

And also: I'm reading South by Ernest Shackleton. Holy shit. I might never complain again about something being hard to do. Ok, that's a lie but I bet I don't for at least a week.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up when he drinks, he throws DOWN

I'm amazed at the outpouring of support on the colon cleansing thing. Who knew so many of my friends were also curious? Anyhow, I sort of stalled out on that, but as of today I'm back on track.

Today is the first day of (at least) 90 days of healthy living, so it seemed only right to cover all the bases. The real impetus for the 90 days thing (aside from seeing if/hoping I feel better) is that I'm signed up for a 10K in June, and HN has expressed skepticism. Nothing motivates me more than a detractor, so I intend to get my shit together, run this race and quite possibly do the dirty bird across the finish line. Today, I get my derailed training back on track. I was comfortably up to 3.5 miles as of a few weeks ago, so I'm utterly confident I can do 6.2 miles but for the purposes of securing bragging rights it is VERY IMPORTANT I get this done. I am serious. I went out of my way this weekend to brag myself into a corner, and I turned it up. There will be no end to ridicule if I don't skate through the tape here.

And so I thought that since I was going to start training, which means being mostly careful about what goes in (sangria contains fruit and is always ok), I should also work on getting historical bad food choices out. Seriously, I can see myself becoming addicted to this, and not just because I'm compulsive and love having routines to stick to. I don't know that I'll be one of those people writing to the websites and sending pictures in (why write to strangers when I can describe to friends!?) but I've given the psyllium it's own dedicated scoop and put it right next to where the Magic Bullet is (smoothie making central). I've also bought the biggest jar of probiotics I could get my grubby little hands on, and there's plans to return to Whole Foods to round out the cleanse with some tea "they" recommend (and while I'm on the subject, god bless the internet and it's myriad of other people who love to cleanse and poo!).

With the day's opening smoothie out of the way, I'm now planning the rest of the day's meals. It's going spinach salad and delicious quiche I made for lunch and lentil soup for dinner. I'm totally tempting fate with the amount of fiber I'm looking at for the day overall, but I'm in it to win it. I just need to make sure that fiber expulsion doesn't coincide with running/climbing. That could get weird.

Speaking of climbing, I'm off to Portland, OR in just over 2 weeks now. It's a work trip, but since I will have friends and a couple of weekends out there, expect great things in the climbing field. Here's a pic of Mt Hood from the parking lot, from the last time when I went glissading. The cars help with the scale, but you still don't get it. Huge about covers it I guess.


And here's a view down from one of the places we stopped to catch breath. This is the sunset, and had the camera not died, I would have had some bomb ass full moon on the snowy mountain pics as well. Ah well.

Check out my sweet axe. We should battle.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Day 1- post psyllium

nothing worth reporting. Going to increase dosage and see what happens.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

ahscuse me?

You got a problem?

imminent explosions

Now that NSI is up and live, I can see the joy in life again. This means I am back to inflicting myself and my completely juvenile sense of humor on the masses. Feels good.

Yesterday, I was talking to one of the Drs and I was discussing an ftp server setup. -ness being an amazingly versatile suffix in my life, I began to discuss the ftp-ness, meaning all things related to the ftp job in question. After about the 3rd time saying it I realized it sounds a bit like ft-penis. I did very well for the first 10 seconds after figuring this out, but then I kept forgetting what I was saying because of the running "you said Penis. do not laugh" monologue in my head. I didn't last very long after that, and said Dr was horrified, though I'm not sure if it's because he got it and my 12 year old-ness irked him, or because he didn't get it and I burst out in mysterious laughter and walked away mid conversation. That one kept me going for a while though, man. Sometimes.

Today someone sent me a "YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY RETARDED HERE IS WHAT I MEAN IN ALL CAPS AND VERY SMALL WORDS" email. So naturally, I wrote back and asked for clarification. I think the dude blew an O-ring, some people *really* need to relax.

oh! and I've been playing "will it smoothie" some more (you can never taste spinach and always taste corn, which does not go with Banana), but also I was in Whole Foods and saw a bunch of Colon cleansing kits. I know, I'm venturing a bit out there with this one, but I've talked about these things with friends. I'm intrigued, the stuff they show on the web is just unreal and I am curious to know if I too will be 5lb lighter, feel better and live longer by dumping 5lbs and 7ft of sticky nasty cancer making toxins, and I'm this close to finding out. However, I'm not quite there yet.

So I was checking some of the ingredients and noticed these Psyllium seed husks always seem to be involved. Coincidentally, Crazy Aunt Purl was talking about them too and I decided twice is a sign so I put back the 7 component master blaster pack and grabbed up a container for the bargain price of 3 AMERICAN DOLLARS. I'm sorry but you can't beat that with a stick, and furthermore, if it's the same thing in metamucil but this cheap, I know of few of you out there who ought to try this as well. It's huge! and good for you!

I was a little nervous about adding too much to this morning's smoothie, as I'm in meetings all day and I think we all remember the last fiber incident, so I went half the dose they recommend. I'll let you know in not too much detail how it goes. Fingers crossed!

But so far I've settled the smoothie at milk, a scoop of flax seeds, a packet of almonds, and a banana. Other items to be added and subtracted at will, and I will let you all know once I reach smoothie nirvana.


And now, so this doesn't feel too academic, I present you with "filthy dog trying very hard to look serious"