Friday, March 30, 2007

mundane details about my day/TGIF bitches!!

So, I'm at NSI (nameless soulsucker institution) again today. Here is a little bit of how I feel:

This is me. I'm in prison and the sun is outside. Poor me. But doesn't my hair look nice? I cut it myself.

I'm really feeling this whole express myself via Paint thing, look for lots more drawings to come.

Anyhow, I only feel a little bit like this because today might actually be an early day. I just shot a patient (sounds funny) and I believe she has the magical 1 condition for which I have been waiting. I should know in about 10 minutes, and might be free in as little as 30 minutes.

I went climbing last night and got the 10s I pegged the other night again, so now as soon as I get a couple of new ones I will feel comfortable saying I'm a 10 climber. Very exciting stuff, I love progress. Especially when it's mine. I also love cheese (off topic) and I'm pretty sure I'm getting pizza tonight. yay pizza!!

I am going to this event. It's a steeplechase horse race extravaganza and I can't wait to see 1) how it goes, because I've never been to a steeplechase before, and 2)the local flavor as represented at this horse race. It is sure to be awesome, and I am so bringing a camera in the name of documenting it all. I'm actually bringing 2, a digital and a film back(cause I rock it old school sometimes) Right now, I am up in the air about what to wear. I'm hitting a thrift store first thing tomorrow morning, and if I can get my grubby little paws on anything that looks mildly appropriate for the Kentucky Derby (which this is not), I'll wear that. As a fallback, I will be going in jeans or something else (not a shock I'm sure). Whatever I wear, I will recreate it in Paint for your perusal and enjoyment later.


And in national news today, the jebus freaks are all mad because of this statue:
It's a big chocolate, anatomically correct, life sized statue of Jesus by artist Cosimo Cavallaro, and the Catholics are up in arms, especially because it's holy week, whatever that means. How can anyone be mad about a life size chocolate man, man? I'm not usually a big JC fan, but oh the things I could do to this guy. haha, I'd elaborate but on the off chance that the big guy really is listening, I would hate to get struck down with all these innocent people nearby. Seriously though, I could rock that, and that's all I'm saying. Chocolate appendages? Come on!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

the prisoner speaks

day 5: my captors continue to torment me. I'm still (always?) at nameless soulsucker institution and today I think Satan cashed in the second mortgage he took out on my soul.

It's hour 5 and I have yet to see a single patient. I'm waiting for one last specific condition and none have come through. Then my photographer was taken off the case for 2 hours when one of their cameras blew up and he had to fix it. If I believed in God, I would know he was laughing at me right now.

On the plus side though, I overslept this morning. Now I know that's not usually a plus but it was today for a number of reasons, not the least of which being that I needed sleep. It also means this is hour 5 instead of 7, and I'm pretty sure the thin thread of my sanity is largely maintained by this.

I've actually managed to be productive here today, so I'm not fussed about being here per se; it's the whole idea of having to work for a living that's getting to me. I hate *having* to work. If I were rich I would still work, it would just be fun, because it would be my choice (this is somethign I'm really feeling lately. I just want to do whatever the hell I feel like doing, and nothing that I'm told to do). Like I would work at Wal-Mart as a greeter, or McDs or somewhere else where the pay was for crap- and I would be as rude as I wanted to anyone who came in and had it coming. I wouldn't just be bitchy, but I would definitely give it to those people who everyone knows deserve it, but noone ever says anything to them because the customer's always right and you'll get fired if you tell them to fuck off like you should. In fact, anyone who ever uttered the words "the customer's always right" would immediately be subject to ridicule and harrassment. "Customer's always right my ass, fire me" would inevitably be written under my photograph on the "DO NOT HIRE" list in fast food joints across the nation.

Sigh. But as it is, I do have to work for a living. For now. I'm not giving up my lotto dreams.

I've actually been learning between bouts of productive - though not photographic- working today. Wikipedia surfing about rods, cones, color vision, night vision, circadian rhythms etc. I've learned lots of new big words, and wasted copious amounts of time WITH results no less: since eyes are what we do, finding out how they work is productive right? Plus, it's Thursday, which as you all know is my favorite day. Shows tonight, climbing tonight, tomorrow's Friday, sigh.

I love Thursday and it loves me back.

Grrrr.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

ZZZZZZZZZZZ: a story, by kerry

total snoozer of a day. i got my ass handed to me this morning because someone assumes i'm an asshole and read too much into my mail, there is political intrigue afoot here at nameless soulsucker and i think it's going to rain shit at some point soon- i just hope i have my umbrella handy- and now i'm stuck in the windowless hellhole that is photography trying for the umpteenth day in a row to get some specific pathologies captured. can i get a ZZZZZZZZ from the people??

it doesn't even matter though. today is weds, which means tomorrow is thurs, my favorite day. i had "the soup" yesterday and all is well inside as of this morning, and also i had a great night last night (which i totally needed because yesterday was also a snoozer, albeit a snoozer punctuated by bursts of sunning myself in various states of consciousness in the yard) what was so great you ask? WELL i'll tell you: first, i had a fantabulous sandwich of toasted cheese on rye (really, it doesn't take much to please me). i got this bad ass gouda last week, which has toasted mustard seeds in it and i have to testify, you put that shit on some rye and you have tasty things that happen in your mouth. witness!

also, climbing rocked. i pegged a 5.10a, which is something i haven't done in a while. then, just to be sure i could really do it, i hit up a few more and made those as well. the last couple were kind of ugly, i was clearly climbing tired (read: i looked like a monkey fucking a football) but i did them so i'm almost comfortable saying i can climb 10s, which is just about where i left off when i left NM. so that's nice.

i also got to talk to my brother and my nephew last night which i hadnt done in a while. quinn just turned 4, so he's very mature now and had all sorts of stories to tell me about bathtubs, soap crayons, fishes, and his new daycare. it's funny how shit like this is interesting because it's my nephew. we all know i don't care about this shit, but i feel like i could listen to him ramble forever (and i'm quite sure he could) sigh. it's the weirdest little things that touch me. haha

so you see, it was a good night. and here is an artist's representation of said good night:

Tonight promises to be just as much fun. I'm going to be spending some time knee deep in legal docs for my project sorting some stuff out, then I'm going to cut my hair which is always good for a laugh. If anything horrid happens, I'll take pictures and blog it Stat!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Someone call the Wah-mbulance!

Did you ever have one of those days, where you don't want to get out of bed, don't want to work, don't want to do anything but maybe faff about in a park or nap? Well, that's pretty much every day for me, but today feels particularly bad. I don't know if it's the weather lately or what but I am *struggling* to make it through the days. I'm beat (not from anything good today piggies), I have a cold(totally from something good), I'm whiny (in case you hadn't noticed) and I'm just irritated and lazy in general - well where work is concerned anyway.

For instance, I have a meeting in 10 minutes. I should be preparing, yet here I sit blogging away. Things like that. And then I have another meeting this afternoon, with a boring person I would rather avoid- I wonder what I'll do instead of preparing for that one. I noticed the bathroom is dirty, maybe I'll clean that up a bit. I'm contemplating calling him up with my new nasal pitch voice and asking for a reschedule but since I did that yesterday it would seem it may not be something I can use again so soon- although perhaps it is just a particularly virulent cold, no?

I keep thinking more coffee might help, but it never does so I didn't even bother with a second cup today- I'm starting to be afraid I'll be one of those people who can't get going without 2 cups and I already feel bad enough being that person who can't get going without one. And anyway, once I'm all wide awake I am only slightly more motivated, to do whatever the hell I want though - it totally doesn't help with the work thing. I just want to win the lottery and go on my happy way, in my airstream trailer, checking shit out, climbing rocks and camping, visiting folks and doing whatever I want. Are you sensing a theme here? lol

Running and climbing are coming right along. I realized I haven't been tracking my running here like I meant to but that's because I've taken my show on the road and I no longer have a mile counter thinger to tell me how much I'm running. I estimate that I'm doing roughly 30 minutes 3-5 times a week depending. It's starting to get fun again -man I missed endorphins!- so I'm hopeful that this time I will stick with it for a bit. I'm even going to treat myself to some new kicks today - my running shoes are from New Mexico and have definitely logged more than the recommended amount of miles so I think it's about that time.

Also coming right along in the fitness way is my work with the giant exercise ball of fun. This thing is awesome, and I think I may end up breaking a bone on it somehow. These would seem to be mutually exclusive statements but it's true! I've had some awesome mishaps on the thing, and I think I'm going to have to start asking people to watch because sometimes a fall is so spectacular that it ought to be witnessed. For instance the other day I was on it and because I am nothing more than a slightly evolved monkey, and monkeys love rubber balls, I began to just bounce around the house on it to see what I could do. All was going well until one particularly vigorous bounce, when I went up, saw the ball roll away, and came down. Hard. On my ass. Luckily nothing was hurt (not even my pride because that shit was funny), and I'm thinking this will eventually teach me either how to fall, or how to have reflexes and adapt. Life skills, go big ball!! Then last night I was hanging over the ball rolling it around under my back to stretch and at some point I must have rolled the thing over my ponytail, because when I went to get up off it, I damn near did a back flip but instead only made it halfway around, then the whole kit (and me) rolled over sideways. It's cool though, because once I was off the ball, my ponytail was free and the awkward part was over. This has to count as like combat training or something no? It feels like it's building character :-D

Artist's rendering of the incident

Maybe I'm under nourished? I haven't had the soup in a while, so I've got a pot on now but with being so lazy I haven't been cooking. I really hope it helps, I need a magic cure all right now.

Help people. Help. HELP!!!!!!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Working like a man should.

So today I attempted to pacify my neighbors by working to reduce the size of the rubble pile in front of the house. For those of you who don't remember, I had my pipes fixed and they never came back to remove the extra dirt and shit, so I've had a rather large poorly buried body looking thing going on out front of my house for a while now. I kind of liked it, I thought it lent an air of mystery, sort of like "it could be a person, and maybe I did it because they pissed me off so you should be nice to me", but my neighbors disagree and apparently they see it more as "an eyesore". They have been on me about it, and had finally progressed to talking about calling my landlord, so I decided to take advantage of the nice weather and shut them up all in one fell swoop.

It was a good day's work and the neighbor's boyfriend helped me, which was interesting since he is about as bitter and inappropriate a person as I've met in a while so I got to hear lots of comments that trod the fine line between funny and horrifying. Mostly because he's not my BF I was able to see the humor in his random tirades against the androgynous fashion trends of kids these days (inspired by and discussed in front of one particularly offensive he/she as he/she walked by), his (low) opinion of the heroin chic look he sees so many girls sporting these days (again inspired by and discussed in front of an offender) and other big topics such as the president (Louis thinks hes an asshole), Hitler (Louis is not sure he's an asshole, because he's Jewish but self loathing so I think he has a little soft spot for the fuhrer, and I will spare you the inappropriate comments he made, but this was the one time I had to ask him to shut the fuck up) and of course I got to hear about the rocks in the rubble pile. See, apparently Louis has a deep seated rock hatred, because he decreed we had to pick all the rocks out of the rubble pile. He can not stand the sight of them or something, and they had to go. Thankfully, we had been given a wheelbarrow, which Louis and I filled with offensive rocky items and Louis rolled up and down the street to our local woods, dropping all of the rocks off somewhere. There were a lot of rocks. * A LOT * of rocks and Louis was frequently inspired to discourse on the amount of "fucking rock pieces of shit" throughout the day.

I finally called it quits at 5, because I just couldn't take it anymore. I was out of answers for all the people walking by asking what I was doing(answers included exhuming Houdini to see if he was in fact poisoned, making a fort, digging for gold, Louis was freaking out about the rocks, and I was sporting a sweet farmer's tan that needed to be addressed ASAP.

However, as a highlight to the day I did see a fully dressed storm trooper. yes you heard me correctly, a storm trooper. in his full getup. he wouldn't wait around for me to get my camera, so I will have to paint a picture with my words and you'll have to trust me.

not *the* storm trooper of Hampden, but a decent lookalike

Saturday, March 24, 2007

My new christmas wish list

Check this out. Wow, huh? Now your p*ssy really can have fangs, like every man secretly fears. Now I know they say this is for protection, but I can totally see abusing this just because one is twisted.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

pictures

because i'm still here, and still bored, and still unable to be bitter after all the fun, neighborly events of the past 48 hours i thought i would see what i had been saving up on my phone for pictures. i present to you:

This is a brick on my street, and gives you a little peek into Hampden. Hampden is where we don't care what decade it is, we'll keep little souvenoirs from 70s, 80s and today. Hampden is like Jack, or Mike, or whatever the hell your local person free radio station that plays a crazy mix of all things musical is.


And this is some cat. I'm totally blanking on his name right now, but this bastard is huge and has an attitude. He's roughly 25 lbs and belongs to the office manager of our North Carolina office. She brought him in one day and he went over well so now he's sort of like our office cat. I have other pictures of him, taken with my real camera, and I will post those later because you need to see more of this guy. he lays where he wants *screams* and bites if you try to move him and has asthma so he makes a host of funny noises. Dude's a trip, I'm hoping I have a picture of his belly somewhere because that shit is HUGE. I like a kitty with love handles, cause that's a kitty I can hang on to.

things i am thankful for

so i am at nameless soulsucker institution today, doing more patient photos because we didn't get enough pathology last week and i was going to post a big old rant about the inefficiency of the corporate machine but i thought instead i would turn my frown upside and discuss happy things. so here is a list of things i am thankful for right now:

1) my friends. because you read this blog and without you i would just be some crazy bitch with a sad assed diary :o)
2)crystal light. it makes tap water tolerable, and seltzer water interesting. it's portable and comes conveniently packed in 1 bottle sizes. it also makes me have a pink mustache when i'm not careful, but thanks to bendy straws and nalgene bottles there have been no more incidents at customer sites. i've also tried just using the yellow stuff when i'm working, just in case.
3)the swiffer. how else can cleaning be so satisfying? i love looking at the swiffer to see what's not on my floor anymore.
4)spring weather. mmm, sun all day and still cool at night. last night i slept with my windows open so the fresh air could do me good. it was only like 45 outside, but my blanket is awesome and the dog was spoony so i was toasty. it was more like camping, but inside with a good bed.
6)summer, because boys run around with no shirts on.
7)cows. milk, cheese, ice cream, leather, steak, burgers. mooo-tastic!
8) craigslist. endless hours of work time wasted, not to mention the plethora of things i have found there. craig is the most stable man in my life at this point, and though i'm not hanging out with him much these days, i know there will come a time when i need something. and i know craig will be able to help me find that something that i need.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

SPRING

it might just be bad math on my part, but isn't today the first day of spring?

it's time for garden watch '07 to begin. what will she plant? who knows!

That means this weekend if not sooner, the saran wrap comes off my windows, the thick drapes go away and let the light back in and the heat goes OFF.

yay!

Monday, March 19, 2007

ahahahahahah. awesome!

Meet Conservapedia.

Conservapedia was created to fight the "liberal bias" of Wikipedia. it's either really funny or really sad depending on who you are. I think it's hysterical, I just read up on contraception and tried looking at what they say about premarital sex, but no luck. The page was deleted and is not allowed to be recreated. hahahahaha! (except that these people vote, in which case "uh oh")

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I like freeeeeeeeee stuff and I can not lie...

in my head that goes to the tune of 'baby got back' by the immortal sir mix-a-lot.

Anyhow, the free stuff I'm loving on today is my 6 greeting cards from my homies at Cerebral Itch website (check your mail, several of these are already en route). I linked to their page and their store because their stuff made me actually spit out my coffee while looking through it, and they noticed and gave me 6 cards just for linking to them! If anyone has a blog and wants free cards, link to them. They also said they're looking for ideas for cards so if there's a special occasion for which you are currently unable to find a smartass greeting, drop Paul and Kacky a note and they can put it in their think pile. Also check out their blog. It's short, sweet and often hilarious.

Let's see, when we last spoke I was getting ready to go explore the falls of Baltimore. I did in fact go for a bike ride on the Gwynns Falls trails, and it was a good, but strange, time. Very surreal experience, and I don't know a way to put it better than that. It's actually a cool little setup of trails, 14 miles long and it goes from the start all the way down to the inner harbor where all the tourist stuff is. So conceivably, one could opt to bike ride on the path to an O's game, which would be interesting to some I'm sure. (but not me)

Anyhow, here's a peek at the map:


And here is the website in case you're really interested in looking at it.

I learned a couple of things that day.
1)little dashes on the map mean it's going to be uphill, and steep
2)I *suck* at reading maps and signs. Now, many of you already knew this - I already knew this- but some days it is just underscored so much that it needs to be said again.
3)My bike seat is a bad bike seat. It tilts up in the front, and I believe I may be sporting some nerve damage in my nether regions. Good thing I'm not using those these days...

I set off on my trip from T2, the Winans Meadows trailhead, and the whole time I was completely amazed that this was all in Baltimore. You couldn't tell at all, you couldn't see any city stuff. Then it's even weirder because you all of a sudden end up on a street or in a park and you're smack dab in the middle of the city. It was very strange. The other thing is that it goes through all sorts of neighborhoods and sometimes you can hear things and then it's just creepy because you can hear things but are also completley isolated. I was very conscious of the fact that I was all alone, it's weird being in the woods with no dog for reassurance. Then I came upon some police tape- not comforting! Someone was on the ball though, because it looked like an excellent little spot to hide a body.

Overall though it was a good ride. I took a wrong turn and ended up going almost a mile uphill at the start, but once I got back on track (and realized the signs with the big arrows that said "Gwynns Falls Trail" were for me) it was a pretty nice little cruise. At one point after riding about 4 miles I realized I was about 1 mile from my car, the trail loops around and crosses the road I drove in on. It was weird, I would not have guessed. But still a good time.

I think in total I made it about 8 miles each way, and it took a couple of hours. At the end my ass was killing me, I need a new bike seat.

Anyhow, here is a shot of the falls. They were really nice to look at as long as you didn't look too closely. If you did that you would notice the state of the water, and the litter and all the mess and you would know you were in the city. blech.



ok, I'm off. Today is nice out and I need to get work done so I can slack off.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

today is the first day of the rest of my life. or of spring,whatever

So it hit 60 yesterday and it's going to be there all week and I'm thrilled to bits.

Here's a quick picture of kitty, who has figured out how to spoon with star in any position he finds her in. He has adapted this skill because she is a hostile spooner, so he has to make do with what he can. Notice the look on her face. She hates him, but at the same time is too lazy to move or dislodge him in any way. Instead she just sits around looking pissed and heaving sighs.



First let me update you on my wild weekend thus far. Well, I had a decent number of events planned, but then decided Friday that it had been such a tense week, what with 1001 people being up in my grill and handing my ass to me by way of verbal assault that I might just like to stay in and chill, so I had a wild Friday night of cleaning the house, apartment dancing, walking the dog, reading and going to bed by 11. I woke up yesterday and finished out the cleaning I hadn't gotten to Friday (this house is CLEAN! amen), did a bunch of laundry then went climbing with hot neighbor. We climbed until 1 or so, then when I got home I planted my peas and carrots because it's that time of year. I spent the rest of yesterday sunning in the yard with my face in a book, and also cancelled my party plans for last night. I'm just tired lately and I feel like I really need to take a bit of time and get into a groove with exercise and eating and then once that's established I can worry about the rest. Once I'm feeling humanoid this morning (after coffee) I am packing up my bike and heading to check out some trails in Baltimore that I keep wanting to try.

Now these pictures are of the animals, from our wild weekend at home. Hopefully tonight I will have more pics of my bike ride from today. Supposedly the trail is gorgeous so I'm hoping to find stuff worth taking pics of.

here is a shot of Star ready to walk Friday night. The last cold night (we hope) of the season!


and then because I am super stylish, I noticed we matched. I tried to take a pic and it failed, so then it became the principle of the thing and I finally got one. Sort of.

blue fleece and blue fleece. we fancy.

Then, because you can never have enough junk shots, here is Kitty enjoying the long sun that's starting to come in through my windows. And here's his junk too


Thursday, March 8, 2007

the plumber's here! yay!

and i'm in the living room guarding the front door so he can't get out. he tried to tell me it's because my shower drips outside or whatever and to be more careful and he tried to leave.
N F W but seriously, nice try! i told him i'm not doing anything exotic in there, and certainly nothing *new* and exotic so i don't see why it would just start happening and to please please please not leave me so i have to wait another week for someone to help me (he's wearing a wedding ring, so i know he can take orders and is likely susceptible to whining and sad faces). it might also have helped that i said all of this from my place in front of the door from which i was clearly not moving. he has gone back upstairs to investigate more.

so i made him go back upstairs and run the shower for 15 minutes and then come down. i will not let this man leave me in a lurch again. i want my damn shower! waaaaaaah! so it looks like i'm showering at the gym today, which is fine, because i have time to go to the gym because i finally have a day where i'm not at horrid soul sucker university. and i'm going out to dinner with a friend so overall it's a very exciting day.

long, hot shower here i come! oh glorious day.

help me. please.

So I'm on a conference call for work. Check this out.

Hours. Minutes.Seconds. ouch.

Yeah. and since I captured that little beauty, I captured it, cropped it, made this blog and posted it. And I'm still on it.


I've also taken some pretty cute pictures of the animals cuddling, eaten 2 helpings of lunch (at like 11 and 11:30) emailed my friends, emailed people for work, scheduled a bunch of meetings, peed twice, cleaned the toilet (the plumbers are coming and since last week my underwear were in the shower so i feel like i should make it up to them somehow) and cleaned a little.
This has to be the most productive meeting I've ever had. I need to make a harness for my laptop or something though. It's a hassle dragging it around. Bluetooth might be the answer to this problem.

torturing little old ladies and puppy dogs

So I sacrificed what was left of my soul last night.

Well yesterday, too. Spent the day finishing out patient photography at nameless soul sucker university. The thing that sucks is that most patients are like 100 yr old ladies and really sweet (although there was one stinker and 2 *nasties* during the day). Anyhow, this sucks because what I'm doing basically requires the photography procedure they're having to take 4 times as long, and it's not that fun. I've done it a bunch, the pictures SUCK to get done and it's supposedly worse for the old ladies. Anyhow, this tiny sweet practically blind little old lady thanked me yesterday for helping make research better and I was completely mortified. I don't know why, I just feel like since I'm not the guinea pig (and since I'm almost totally in this for the money -ha!) that I should be thanking her. I mean, I like that my job has a noble outcome, but that's not what it's really about for me on a daily basis. It was nice to have that outlook for a minute, maybe I'll nurture the fantasy and see if it helps motivation. Damn, I'm all mushy. Must be time for pierod, lol.

So this morning, I am waiting for the plumbers again. Seems like Thursday is my pipe day, which is sweet because worst case I don't have to go into the hospital until late, and best case they take all day and I can't leave.

I *really* hope they fix it today though. I need a 25 minute shower, I'm just so sad without 2 good hot showers a day.

So, then last night I noticed Star's knee thing was still swollen. I poked and pressed it and decided there was more fluid in it, and that another drainage session was in order. So I sterilized the stuff and poked a hole in her and nothing happened! Well, a couple of things happened actually but one of them was not fluid and relief, which was *really* what I was going for. Instead, I poked my poor dog with a needle, it didn't even work and she spent the next 15 minutes being all sad and "what did i do to deserve this". I also think that she probably wanted to bite me when I poked her. I totally can not blame her, I would totally have had it coming! Thankfully though, I have catlike reflexes (and a patient, broken shell of a dog) so she didn't bite me.

She's still a little pissed this morning, she wouldn't get out of bed. She doesn't usually get up at the same time I do, she's more of a 830-900 riser so I usually work (or fuck off on the web) and catch up on emails when I get up, have some coffee, then go get her. It takes about 5 minutes to get her up, and usually involves a 3-5 minute belly rub and some enticing phrases like "are you hungry?" or "do you want to go out?"

So this morning she was not interested in the least in getting up. No interest.

Fun Freedom Fact: Now that Adam's gone, I *never* make the bed. And I love it!
Also, I sleep sideways, diagonal, and upside down ALL THE TIME, just because I can.
I'm a rebel.

No eye contact, no tail wagging. I was totally getting the cold shoulder. I got in her face, she looked right through me:


At this point I figured out she was playing possum -and playing to win- so I decided to play dirty and just blatantly harrass her with the camera.

Work it! Work it baby!!


It turned out she needed some serious individual attention. Mostly because I was bored, but also partially because I needed her to get up and go out soon so when I lock her up when the plumbers come, I climbed into bed with her and started being super disruptive. It's really one of my specialties and the dog is one of the few who truly appreciates it. I love pits and other dogs with giant heads because they have so many muscles they can make (or I can hallucinate) more facial expressions than other dogs. And Star heaves great, heavy sighs when she's really annoyed but can't do anything about it, like when I climb into bed and start playing "I'm not touching you" when she's trying to sleep. She's like the imaginary friend/little sibling I never had to play with and torture. Apparently I have youngest child issues and I need someone to irk. Amazing how it works out isn't it? :o)

Anyhow, I got into bed, bugged the dog for a few minutes then offered a sincere apology for poking a hole in her with a hot needle last night (man, I suck!). She forgave me, we had some tummy rubbin' and then I happened to notice I could see us in the mirror so I thought I would take this picture of the 2 of us, since you can never have too many of those. You are seeing some of my finest work garments here, I'm dressed to the ones and making moves! My teddy bum sweat pants, my mario's pizza hoody and my Uggs. of course!


Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Dude, I just totally ate gruel!

So I made a tasty lentil paste this morning (I told you I was going to do it!), with the idea of doing the same thing I did with the bean dip, which was spread it in a tortilla with some lettuce and have a walkabout meal for my day at nameless institution. It was pretty yummy and still hot though, so I decided to use it instead as a thickener for a bowl of chicken soup. So I just had a bowl of 4 day (new cutoff limit) old chicken soup, which was nice and thick and spicy because i put a big plop of lentil/spinach/jalapeno paste in it. It was stellar, a must try.

I've decided I need to get back in the habit of eating better. I took a little detour with last weekend's meat fest (what do you expect hanging out with men all weekend) but I think today I'm starting back on track. I even took the dog out for a walk like I'm supposed to. I'm on a roll.

Work motivation today, not so much. Well, I'm actually doing work, but avoiding going to my hopefully last day of patient photos. Why I'm putting it off is a mystery,(well not really I hate it there especially after yesterday and quite frankly I'm sick of the place) but one that I must get to the bottom of. I'm actually supposed to be there now. Well not supposed to be, but could be. I'm supposed to be there around 1130 due to my 10am meeting, but that got cancelled, and here I am...juuuuuuust hanging out, blogging.

Wanna see a picture of my cat? I finally managed to capture the little bastard on film, and I've been trying forever! He breaks into the dog food container and snacks on it all the time. Sometimes the dog will go stick her face in too, and everytime I hear him doing it he takes off before I can get the camera. I feel like I just filmed a documentary.

Notice the Felis Domesticus, snacking on the senior flavor small bits kibble of
Canine Familiaras

Some times, I wish there were 6 workdays in the week.

Crap. yesterday was a craptastic mess of the proportions you will only find in large, pompous educational institutions where everyone is so concerned with who they are that nobody actually worries about doing anything. It's bizarre, and little wonder to me that said institutions financial rating is in the toilet.

I spent the first 2 hours of my morning in a meeting where my counterpart at nameless institution very thoughtfully dropped the little bomb on me that in the 2 weeks since our last preparation meeting he has done nothing on his list of action items and oh yeah, he decided last night to change his mind about some major work I was expecting to have completed early next week. It sucks, but in the end the change works for me so I wasn't too put out. Then I asked if he had just changed his mind last night, what was his excuse for not doing anything the past 2 weeks he did nothing? Shockingly, he had no answer. Ah well, it's documented and known to be his fault and the timeline is going to slip, and in the end I get someone more competent to work with on this part. But still, damn man. Seriously, who pays so much money for something and then blatantly fucks off instead of getting it installed? Nameless institution, that's who!
I was completely unable to cap my profanity by the end of the meeting. I think I may have spoiled the nice girl impression they had of me. fuck em, I'm not that nice anyway.

My day continued in this "would be so funny if it were happening to someone else" vein. Truly, I kept waiting for Candid Camera to pop out, but apparently the joke is still on me.

And today I'm sick and don't want to go in but can't go in tomorrow because seriously this time the plumbers are going to fix my still leaky shower, and Friday I was hoping to be on the road for a quick visit home. I'm seriously considering skipping today to do administrative work and catch up on mails and planning and just canceling the shower for tomorrow until Monday. It's only 1 additional day really, if you count that I would be gone for 3. Have to see what my boss thinks of this idea, though I suspect he might go for it. Apparently, one of the perks of being the only girl at the company is that these guys are all worried I'm going to cry. It's hysterical really, whenever there is something shitty (like yesterday) they come out of the woodwork to tell me it's ok, it's not my fault, etc. Fools- I know this! I wasn't taking the blame, I wasn't taking it too hard and once I got everyone off my damn back and got some quiet, the day progressed quite nicely. Still, it's good to know I have the "sad girl" ace in the hole if I need it.

Star has to get checked out by her (other) surgeon, who's probably going to tell me something bad. This makes me tempted to completley ignore the visit, because if I don't go they can't tell me she hurt her knee again, and everyone knows nothing is real until someone else says it out loud. Since Star fell down the stairs last week and smashed her knee and limped for 2 days and then she got that weird boil on her leg that I have been attending to daily, I'm pretty sure they're going to classify me as a bad dog mother. I also haven't been walking her enough but we both hate the cold and it's been *really* cold lately. When we walk, she just pulls to get back to the house, and we both hate it. We try to play inside, but I know she needs more exercise. We are so not compatible with Winter.

Anyhow, since cleaning her boil was the funnest part of my day yesterday, here are some pictures:

This first one is Star, after I informed her that she has to have "surgery" which is my generic term for anything involving a wound of any sort. I like to see what I can fix with household supplies, sort of like M*A*S*H you know? I'm not sure if it's a good sign or not that she knows the word surgery, but it sure is helpful since she's at least figured out resistance is futile, so she just sort of gives up once she hears the word.


here she is looking utterly defeated. She has been told the leg will require surgery, and told to stay while I get my kit together. I should post a close up of her defeated eyes. In fact, I will!

This is the face of a dog that has given up. They make excellent patients!




Here she is immediately pre-op. Check out my professional set up. I've totally been watching too much Grey's anatomy, so I draped the wound (with my purple towel), I have basins (yogurt containers) for hot soapy water and hot rinsy water, a band aid and some antibiotic ointment. Scalpel!


Now, the wound is a bit weird and I wish I had gotten a closeup of it for you.
It started out as this big boil-y looking thing on her knee, which looked to me like it was coming from the inside. It actually started to look like her scar was tearing from the inside out, which looked *so* uncomfortable! Anyhow, I lanced it and got all sorts of old blood and stuff out of it and then later in the day it split open. It is gross, it looks like a lesion or something. I swear, this might sound inappropriate, but can dogs get Herpes in their knee? It just looks like "not a regular cut" although I have no idea what it should look like when a dog tears scar away from the bone (which I had been trying to do gently over the last month but she did way more effectively in 1 second). I'm trying to see this as a positive. Trying very very hard.

Anyhow, here is the patient immediately after her treatment. See the bandaid? I got tired of looking at stupid white gauze, it's just so VA hospital looking to me, so I came up with this solution. The sticky bandaids I used for my fingers when climbing hold on to pretty much anything, even dog hair!


Blah. and with that, I'm off to get ready for my day. Boo working! boo!!!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Please please please Santa,...

Bring me an airstream trailer! It doesn't even have to be huge.

Check this out!:

In my head, this is me, my handsome male companion and his dog.
Star is inside taking a nap. Don't we look happy?!
oooohhh.

Although, if Santa wanted to bring me say, the 16 or 19 foot Bambi models I wouldn't give it back. Seriously, some days (like today) I dream of living on a giant chunk of land in my AirStream trailer, like the guy on Grey's. (and when I get bored with the view, I'll just pull that baby around and stare at something else) If the guy on TV can do it, I can totally do it and I don't even need to be near a hospital. I could happily disappear around the base of some giant mountain (maybe in Joshua tree?) and live off of granola out of my trailer while I climb anything I can get my hands on.

mmmm...what a nice idea. I guess I'll go off to the hospital so my dream can wither just a little more...

Monday, March 5, 2007

Finally, it's mine turn to harass someone.

Another day, another pin in my voodoo doll courtesy of the development team. It's times like this, the dev team begins to realize that they're lucky I'm perky because my natural penchant for disaster carries over into product testing, and I make things short circuit. Some days my irresistible shit eating grin totally carries me.

how can you hate on this?


So today I started day 1, take 2 of testing for the next release. Day 1, take 1 was the build they sent me to test Friday- I broke it so much it was rejected out of hand within 10 minutes, and sent back to them after an additional 40 to be sure. When I reject something, I like to send it packing with a list so extensive that the recipient decides that the only thing involving more work than fixing everything on the list is to come talk to me and hear the parts I didn't write down. I find it keeps people from challenging me, mostly because they don't want to have to deal with me.

Today they gave me the "no seriously, it's fixed" build, and I just popped a cap in the ass of .net 2.0 - 6 consecutive times. and I could do it again if I wanted to. My instrument of destruction? The new, improved build and one impromptu keystroke where noone was expecting it. For my next trick I am going to try to BSOD. That's right, I'm bringing down the house.


Maybe someone should warn them (Ichiro?) that I like to play the game "I wonder what would happen if I...?" The dev team tries so hard to test all the things one would reasonably do. Who are they kidding?

Fools, don't you know Ima? I'ma push every one of them damn buttons at least 5 times son, so don't SEND me shit that doesn't work!

Honestly, this is like the nerd olympics, or nerd rambo or something. It's me against them. Rambo's a bit much, especially this crew. Maybe like nerd Mental Paintball ?

Later I'm going to spin a little yarn about me, the dog, and some surgery. Check back!

Saturday, March 3, 2007

Star for the people

So we made it out of our beautiful prison today, but not before the boys introduced me to breakfast from the local AC&T truckstop. good stuff, and perfect morning after food.

Here is one of the previously mentioned pictures of Star in front of the giant wall o' windows. Pretty sweet yard right?

Outside is where she wants to be, but we can't go there right now.


If you look closely at the background here you can see the stream out back.

worse pic of the dog, better view of the yard.


Then there was some redneck drama! The dogs from the neighboring property were "on their land again" and this is apparently a crisis in Hagerstown or something, because Eddie (Jake's roommate, owner of the lovely hostess dog Halle) got all nervous and Jake got all excited and grabbed a baseball bat and a golf club ran outside. I went out into the screen porch, because I *had* to see this close up. These 2 are pure guys, girls you know what I mean and the whole weekend thus far had been teetering on being a JackAss video. I wasn't about to miss the best part! Jake tried to hand me the golf club to come outside, but I politely declined, on grounds that I was not one of his homeboys and wasn't planning to taunt vicious dogs, and also on grounds that I was more likely to hurt myself than anything hostile so I would just observe from a safe point, and thirdly on the point that he hunts, and is obviously much more comfortable and into killing things than I am, and he could just have this one if he wanted it.

Eddie has apparently had bad encounters with one of the dogs, because he wouldn't come outside at all during this. He used his interior vantage point though, to spot for Jake and let him know where the dogs were since Jake couldn't see around all the trees etc. Once the dogs were located, both on the ground and from the home base, there commenced lots of yelling and bat/club waving. The dogs were run off and the perimeter was considered "secured" again and the boys celebrated and were generally very pleased with themselves.

They've been friends forever, and I'm pretty sure I just witnessed an updated version of them playing G.I. Joe, it was hysterical and my only regret is that I got so caught up in the excitement that I forgot to capture it for posterity.

So anyhow, cream puff and I hit the road where I noticed she had a boil like thing. She got tons of exercise this weekend, and I think either they left a stitch in and it's working it's way out, or she tore the scar tissue inside, which was healing to her bone. Anyhow, I forgot to get a before picture of it, but when we got home I got my M*A*S*H kit out and did a little "boil lancing"

Here's the patient recovering:
Here is my shiny doggy. Don't hate her because she's beautiful.

Here is a close up of the wound. It is gross.

Off to make soup and apply compresses to the patient. I'll get a close up if it pusses anymore!

help, im being help prisoner in a bubble gum factory

seriously, i'm not but did you ever get that fortune in your bazooka joe when you were little? i did, and i always found them so disturbing. i would try to organize rescues, but noone would come with me, or even tell me where the bubblegum factory was. it was very traumatic, and always left me freaked out. looking back i think the brains over at BJ ought to make reparations and backpay for some of my therapy.

i am kind of being held prisoner though, but at least it's in a really nice prison. i needed some fresh air, so yesterday morning i came out to western md to catch up with co-worker/buddy jake and get some work done in person. we have a new release coming out and we needed to do a bug hunt, which i like to do in person and with beer and stuff. so we did that and bug hunt led to dinner with all his buddies, which led to lotsa beer, which led to star and kerry holing up in the guest suite downstairs. i was *just* about to take star out this morning, and was contemplating the a.m. creep when i very oh so vaguely remembered someone mentioning something about an alarm last night. i teased the idea for a while and realized jake had told me as i was concentrating very hard on getting down the spiral stairs of death that he was activating the alarm and not to touch any doors. doh!

so now star and i are locked up waiting for the boys to get up. we didn't go to bed until 2 or so though, so i will let them sleep a bit then we might go cannonballing. i've not yet determined how good a sport jake and eddie would be about this, but given enough spare time and no food i could probably get over my reservations.

in the meantime, we have ourselves planted by the 8x15 foot window of walls with a killer view of the stream that runs through the backyard, and we have wireless. we should be good for a while. i've taken some photos of miss thing in front of the window because the backdrop is incredible. i'm currently too lazy to bother with the transfer, but may come back and do that if the guys stay in bed too late.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

the poor thing

here is a picture of the prisoner. this is from this morning, because she wouldn't be good for the plumbers:


help! help! i'm being oppressed!

down came the rain....and then it stopped

So, I'm not sure who I've told this to or not, but for the past 2 weeks I've been on "sea shower" duty (wash the hairy parts and get out) because everytime I shower it rains in my living room.

This sucks, because I am a gratuitous water waster, I LOVE long showers. Especially after a hard day of climbing or whatever. So this has been very hard on me, what with my complete and utter lack of control and all.

So today was the big day, the plumber was coming. I was a little afraid that the solution was going to be expensive (my landlord's problem) and drawn out (my problem) but turns out I just needed some Glug and a good and thorough caulking (no news to anyone there, eh?)

I woke up this morning and my first thought was "dear god, i need to lay off the booze. fuck, where's my water. and *what* the hell am i wearing" but immediately after that I thought "yay the plumber is coming. please send me a handsome plumber, who wears a belt and *not* one of those big fat guys with 8 inches of crack hanging out" turns out, I must have mumbled that last bit because I got one of each, which is a perfectly acceptable compromise. The younger guy was hot and quiet, umm hello Perfect how are you ? Shhhhh, just smile. yeah.... and the older guy was a total townie and he was a riot and very chatty, and also compared himself to Earl from My Name is Earl. How can you not like this guy? Especially when he told me he has a 3 legged pitbull, and he loved Star. PLUS he fixed my shower. Go plumber man, it's my birthday...well not really but you get it. Honestly, if I weren't so superficial, I'd probably marry the guy.

Anyhow, I'm sure all of you out there are thinking "wow. uhhh great story" Whatever, you can't phase me right now. I'm sitting down to a delicious late breakfast of leftover meatloaf from dinner last night, with a freshly rehydrated packet of mushroom gravy poured on top. I know this is what my stomach needs. I'm also not at the hospital today. I was thinking now that the plumbers have gone that I could try to get down there and catch half a days work, but I can't shower for 8 hours at least. Darn! I was SO looking forward to it.

Anyhow, so as not to make the time you just spend reading my drivel a total loss, here's a new word of the day from Feb, courtesy MW.com (I love them!)

star-chamber • \STAR-CHAIM-ber\ • adjective
: characterized by secrecy and often being irresponsibly arbitrary and oppressive
I think they forgot the noun form of the verb, which is of course
:the place where the oppression takes place.

(see illustration and below and also a completely unrelated picture of the oppressee being further oppressed by not getting the steak she is trying to jedi mind trick ichiro into dropping)



Jedi or Bene Gesserit? You decide...whatever it is, bitch needs to practice more, this steak is delicious!


(ok well I can't find the picture of the oppression chamber, so here's instead a picture of the nefarious oppressor. Will find or recreate the jail pic later, promise.)


"My bitch better have my money, come rain, come sleet, come snow..."
All I'm missing is my pencil thin villain 'stache.