I have returned triumphant and victorious

and slightly bruised and smelly. But I digress.

First, to catch you up, I was in Portland for another week trying yet again to close out this new customer. Progress was made, there is a bit of work left to do but it can be done remotely and so it shall. Portland this time was not like Portland last time. What a difference having a weekend makes. This trip was in on Monday, out on a Thursday night red-eye from hell (perhaps more on that later but I'm trying to accentuate the positive right now and have nothing nice to say about the flight. Except I got to hold a cute baby, but there is a large negative to that as well so I will stop there)

Anyhoo, so I land in Baltimore Friday completely *completely* damaged because of the flight and the fact that I got roughly 10 minutes of sleep on said flight and I collapse into bed. HN and I had big plans for the weekend but between my being wrecked from flying and his other obligations, it was clearly going to push back from our original planned Friday afternoon departure.

Round about 10pm Friday night we finally get our act together and roll out of B'less and head for the hills. Final destination: WVa's pristine and hilly wilderness.
We made it about 2 hours of the 4 for the drive and stopped in at America's Best Value no-tell motel, which wasn't by far the worst place I've ever stayed and then up and out early doors on Saturday for the wilderness. Seriously this time.

During our 3 day/2 night stay in the woods I learned many things, some of which are just good life lessons and many of which I hope to apply to my Alaska trip to make that a more successful venture (Did I tell you I'm going to Alaska? Well I am)

Here are the lessons learned, interspersed with some not totally related pictures just so you don't get bored. Note: Sometimes the pictures are relevant to the point I'm making, but not usually. That would require a foresight I don't have, but it's something to think about for future ventures.

Lessons I Learned While Backpacking This Weekend
A photoessay by Kerry Smith

1) My balance? Not that great. Looking back, there were contributing factors like the fact that I apparently packed my pack like a total tard and didn't place things right at all. I theoretically know better but I never really stopped to think about it while I was ever packing up. Surely this would have helped, but not completely: lots of the blame just has to lie on me, I tilt to the left I guess. Every time we had to cross a major water or mud scenario (and there were plenty. The place is call the dolly SODS) I went in. This means I took my first dunk at roughly 1 mile into the walk on the first day. Good thing I hadn't ever gotten around to putting my boots around my neck like I should have. I opted instead to carry them in my hand, do you see where I'm going with this? When you fall you put your hands down. If you're falling over while crossing a river and you put your hands down with boots in them you actually dunk your boots and fill them with water. Go Team Smith!

The best fall I took had to be when Star and I both duffed and fell off some logs someone had setup to ford a particularly muddy pit. She went in right up to her backpack and got stuck, which I thought was pretty funny until my laughter apparently upset my already precarious balance and sent me in after her. There was a second of shock, followed by many minutes of raucous laughter on my part. All I could think of was Atreyu and Artax in the bog of despair, however I was unable to communicate this effectively through my alternating laughter and cursing and so it remained a supremely private joke.

Dog and I just a mile shy of the Big Muddy Dip.
We are adventuresses!!

2) HN is a freaking saint. I was a "little" grouchy at times this weekend. Just being beat from traveling so much lately, compounded by the red-eye of doom and complicated by feminine issues I was just beat. I would say I was operating at roughly 75% capacity overall and he dealt with it like a champ. Not only did he carry the lion's share of the weight from the start but he split the dog food with me when dog became unable to carry her pack and when I abandoned my pack to take a side hike and then refused to return for it (I was going to go back, just later after I rested.) he went and got it for me. Plus the second night he opted for water duty and walked 1 mile to get it and carried 3 gallons back to camp. Nothing like someone nearby remaining cool, calm and collected to make you realize you're a f*cking nutjob. Plus, every now and then when I would be clearly on the verge of freaking out, he would placate me with snacks.
Which leads to:

3) When I am freaking out, a cookie is the key. Must remember this one, perhaps start bringing cookies to work. There were a couple of moments where I was tiring and getting a wee bit cranky and HN would waggle a cookie at me and grant me some rest. This was V helpful. However I either need to bake lower fat cookies or undergo an attitude change because if this lifestyle were to continue I could end up large.

Cookie break!
Notice muddy and wet looking shoes.

4) No matter how much sense it makes or how careful you think you are being, you should not dry your soaking wet boot insoles in the campfire. You will mess this up somehow. Do I even need to explain this one? Perhaps I should just tell you about the 2nd day of hiking when we went over all the rocky terrain and how by the end of the day every time I put my right (now insole-less) heel down I could feel it straight up my leg into my sciatic nerve. You can bet I won't do that again!! (the fire thing, not the hiking thing)

Day 2 terrain was mostly like this. Hello sciatic nerve.
Ouch.

5) West Va = not *totally* behind the times. Wind power!!

There were lines of these and surely more impressive pictures had I been motivated enough to stop the car.

I think that's all I really learned this weekend, other than the fact the I need to stay home for a few days and recalibrate. I must be getting old, because I was B-e-a-t from traveling.

Speaking of getting old, my dog is getting old!!

What's up blue hair?!

Now, unrelated pics of wildlife:

Ferns a fiddling out

Sphagnum world. Neat stuffs.

Insectivorous plants rule!

the ultimate fireside lounging

Busted, cold dusted, hot dog, with mustard.

I find in my line of work it can be a saving grace to be able to keep my sense of humor about me. Yesterday I'm pretty sure that laughing at people instead of throwing my hot coffee at them saved my job. My sense of humor being what it is, not everyone thinks the same things are funny as I do, but that's ok because keeping me happy is really what it's about.

How can I be effective and helpful if I'm not happy, or at least laughing (at people)? I can't, so I take care of me, which is really for their own good anyhow.

Yesterday for instance, I was feeling a bit cheeky and grouchy all at once. (I'm tired. Very very tired) It's an interesting internal combo, but the end result is a healthy sense of entitlement, and inner monologue statements like "I don't feel like working. They're lucky I'm even going in today, so if I have to go I'm at least going to be comfortable"

I didn't really think my outfit was that bad- to be sure, it was comfortable; VERY comfortable which I guess should be a clue- but I got a lot of comments on it. Comments that were mostly tempered, because most of the time the commenter would show up or notice my presence, I would have my hand in the middle of their piece of equipment or their database on my screen and noone really wants to piss you off too much just then by asking what the fuck! you are wearing. I actually highly doubt that many of these people ever speak that directly anyway, regardless of whether or not you are currently buried elbow deep in the $10000 camera they have abused which is now filled with rattling plastic broken pieces you are fishing out, even though you're not really a repair tech, but the actual repair tech has emailed you that he thinks you can do it and you should totally go for it, because it's only like 6 screws just be careful with the chip. So for those people who told me that my outfit was sure something, I had a big smile ready with a chipper "I can't think of anyplace else I'd rather wear it to"

However for those few bold souls who really went all out in their admiration of the chutzpah they thought it took to wear that outfit to work at the prestigious NSI (I constantly remind these people, I don't work here and so am outside their stuffy dress code rules) I had a special little treat on deck: The Zombie Song! No less than 4 times yesterday did I sing to someone about how "All I wanna do is eat your brains!" That sort of thing really separates the wheat from the chaff, lets you know who is ok or not. And also indicates when you're probably getting a little burned out, because you have such little regard for peoples potentially bad reactions that you do things like sing Zombie Songs to people who no way in a million years are going to have any idea what you're talking about. Sometimes though, I just crave that look of "Does Not Compute" that you can see go across someone's face. The blank stare, followed by the wrinkled brow, followed by the inevitable "um, ok. I have a patient to see" and exit stage left! I know when I'm going the extra mile with it at work, at customer sites especially, that it's time for a little rest.

But as I said the cheeky side of the burnout phase can be helpful. It helps me laugh and make my point effectively, rather than boil when I get SOS notes from users like "PLEASE ADVISE!!!!, OUR ROUTER IS FAILING AND WE CANNOT TRANSMIT IMAGES" On bad days, responses can vary from the desire to send back a nastygram about how someone shouldn't have purchased the busted ass budget router I told them would crash under their projected network load, to the ignoring/binning of the email because this can not possibly be considered my problem. Yesterday however, his message reminded me of an SOS telegram, and needing entertainment I thought it would be fun to play back. So I responded with:

"GET A NEW ROUTER.
IN THE MEANTIME MOVE THE IMAGES MANUALLY.
PROCEDURE DETAILED IN MANUAL I GAVE YOU"

and I was *really* hoping he'd get it and write back in code, so we could continue the game because it seemed like it had potential to be fun. No dice -at least not yet- although this customer's local IT person did see where I was going with this, so at least it wasn't a total loss. It is occasionally nice to have someone with whom to share enjoyment at the bewilderment of others.

zzzzzzzzz. ok back to the grind for a bit. I'm "wfh" today so there is potential for more fun and games.

traveling and brains

first youre welcome for the video below. I have been singing it all day, and the looks on the faces of the people around me are priceless. I hope it brings you the same joy.


second, since i have a travel spate looming i am going to break down and buy nice headphones for the plane. (and also for nighttime when i can't sleep so i clean) do any of my traveling friends have recommendations for noise canceling fatty but reasonably priced headphones?

cheerio!

Huzzah!!

I have finished a knitting project! For reals! Well mostly finished. I still needed to tie in the ends, etc but I was so excited that I finished knitting it that I immediately made HN try it on (it was part of his birthday present. His birthday was in Jan. ahem.) , and like the excellent sport that he is, he has claimed to love it and has taken it with him and been wearing it around pretending not to notice the loose thread hanging out of the bottom of it.

He did comment that it looks like a skater hat and makes him feel young (he's old). My knitting is like the fountain of youth! Or I have inappropriately selected a young knit for an old man. Either way, I am stoked to have finished something as it has been a while. I have been a bit thwarted with the cat separating a hat in progress from the yarn ball and hiding it (found it though! now have just lost the momentum I had going) and then losing a hat I made just before I could put the buttons on it. Found that too, but have now lost buttons.

Next up I have the seriously ambitious hope of knitting this bad boy. But do I have the attention span for it? I should have loads of work travels on the horizon, I'm hoping being shoved into a can in the air helps motivate.

A Walk in the Woods (the Kerry Smith version)

Off topic: I want this thing for Star. She would be like my little prisoner of love in a bubble. Every little girl's dream, no?
Now, onward. This post is the story of a hike I went on, in pictorial form. Enjoy!

First, the characters:

This is lady. She likes car rides, walks on the beach, dead stuff. She does not so much like smaller dogs, which gives her points in my book.

I like to call this one Special J. You can't quite see it, but her outfit was truly something to see. I can appreciate the style of dress, and I think I got to see a little bit through the eyes of my friends how I might sometimes look to them.

And of course me. I wasn't wearing this outfit this day, but I thought since I was in Portland a little WEST SIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE love would be appropriate.

Now, the Story of Our Walk, as told by Kerry Smith, B.S. in BS

First, we walked through a path in the woods, under the highway to get to the beach. There was a suspension bridge and a spectacular view:

We are going right down the middle there.

Then, we got to the beach and marvelled at it's hugeness. I've seen "cliffs" at beaches before. I've never seen Mountains.

surfer dudes for a totally inadequate idea of scale.

Then Special J and I set out over some streams, over some fallen (giant!) trees, and up a path she had read about in her guide book.

We eventually got to this place, and took a left.

as you see, left was really our only option.

Going on a bit, we ended up here. Someone had conveniently placed a park bench so one would know where to sit to appreciate the view, though it was a bit windy for my tastes so we didn't linger.

Glancing off to the side, we noticed a path less travelled, so we decided to see where that led. Good call us!

It turned out to lead to a completely wind sheltered little cliff thinger, with this view, among other things.

After we realized we were out of path (unless we wanted to risk grievous bodily harm, which we didn't because we had dinner plans), we decided to lounge for a bit and enjoy the scenery, the effects polarized sunglasses have on waves, and a frickin' evil snack break:

Having taken our fill of self portraits, ocean waves in 4D and assorted snacks, we went back to the windy side of the cliff and continued on up the mountain.

At the top of the mountain we discovered a geocache box, full of notes and other stuff (including treasure!!)

There is treasure in here! I know this!

After taking more rest, sun and water, we grabbed our booty and headed back into the land of the lost:

We sat here to enjoy treasure and delicious mountain sorrel

Then boogied back down the mountain so as to get to a place serving real food, and meet up with our surfer dude pals at the beach.

Lady would have liked to linger:

We got back to the car area, Lady and I zonked out while other people did more industrious things involving surfboards, a truck and some tie ropes. Sometimes being too short to reach things is a real blessing. Amen.

This is what Sundays were made for.