I might be a giant bitch.

disclaimer: Still in a mood most foul. Probably only close friends will get through this whole thing. and by close I mean bored at work.

Kicking it at home tonight, still not really in the mood to do anything.......glad I had knitting class last night, because I couldn't take 3 days of this craptastic-ness.

looking forward to My Name is Earl. I think Earl and The Office have really brought back the Thursday night for me. Maybe it's because I got a job I have to leave the house for and stuff- I'm not sure if it's that the shows are new, or I'm a working stiff now or what, but Thurs is a welcome day for me. Funny shows are on, and tomorrow is Friiiiiiiday. yay! :) It's almost as good as Friday, which is awesome. But Monday is poo... Anyway, back to Thursday and Earl. and me :o)

oh, speaking of poo, and The Office. Today, work was a trip. The whole day was just surreal. First off, the weather was jacked We had the in-between of whatever is going on in the NJ area and the NC area, so we had all kinds of storms but they were blowing through so fast! It seemed like every time I looked out the window it was alternating sunny and black clouds. Then it finally rained and we had all these whack flooding drains on our street, which was interesting to observe from the building. People really lose their shit when it rains around here. Then after the rain, there was a double rainbow, and I knew suddenly that Nick and I weren't meant to be and that I needed to go home and get a divorce.

Then, things are all crazy at work because we're in the middle of some "restructuring". Some are taking it better than others, and I happen to share a cube wall with one of the ones who's taking it badly. In many ways he is like a child; and so I yell at him. Not like *yell* yell, but speak strongly. I am trying to keep it constructive, like Dr Phil or someone, but I think I'm more like Judge Judy. just a bitch, but man he makes it so hard to be otherwise. Maybe I'm more like Jan Levenson. Not bitchy but intolerant . Yes. In fact, I rule. Think about if you worked with a guy, who was a jerk and whiny and not good enough at his job to compensate for either of these traits. Add in a little chauvinism, nothing overt but definitely there. and fucking petulant as all hell when he doesn't get his way. I know it's not just me who's dated/known/been related to guys like this. He always has to have the last word, and often mumbles either when he's walking away after we argue or sitting in his cube WHICH IS RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. Hi! I can HEAR YOU! it's annoying! anyway. so imagine you don't answer to him, he's completely lateral in the company and you're stuck right up on him daily. Now sprinkle with PMS and that's where I'm at. And for some reason, when I'm bitchy I get very smart (like Will Ferrell at the debate in Old School) and make excellent speeches, and am moved to give them frequently- I have the complete lack of ability to refrain from speaking my mind (and this is not just a work problem, this has been a lifelong struggle for me). I even try to muzzle myself-but it doesn't work and blunt truths just abound from me. Maybe I have that half autism where you just can't filter stuff. Then again, if I have it all my friends must have it too. and my family. hahahaa. That's funny to think.
Sorry, off topic. So anyway, this guy is like Dwight from The Office with less social grace (?) and a way shittier attitude. and he can't do anything to me - he has no effect on me workwise other than irking me. and he won't just act normal. Let me know if you've been here, because I might just be a giant bitch. But I feel like he's the kind of person who brings out the worst in me because he's a jerk (and I try not to let it get to me but it does)but weirdly submissive or something and he just ignites confrontation. If he doesn't like the answer you give him to a question, he just comes back every 5 min with a badly disguised rewrite of the same thing- he gets totally hung up on things. He offers opinions loudly when noone has asked for them. And he most especially offers his opinion -loudly- if anyone else is ever asked for theirs- and if he hears part of a discussion, he will come back later and ask you about the rest. No boundaries. His catch phrase is "you gotta understand" and he uses it with everyone he talks to. I tried nicely a couple of times to explain that no, every other person in the world does not gotta understand, and that that is not justification of any sort for any behavior which someone points out as inappropriate or unacceptable. It never occurs to him that he might be the one who has to understand. Anyway, he's basically a constant source of irritation, and I think I'm gratuitously mean to him and I'm struggling because I don't really feel bad about it, even though rationally I know that means I'm a giant bitch. lol, the question is do I care?
He totally deserves it, but those are always the people most puzzled when they get it. argh.

Anyway, I'm off to watch my Thursday shows and go back to my happy place.

I won't get into my commute home because I don't want to poison you with all my venom today. and because my shows are on. (hint, see above report about weather)

woe is me, and I am woe

a pic is worth 1000 words but that wont stop me. more bitching later!

have I ever told you that my mother calls me "Poison lips" ??

So, sorry I never got back to you about my dinner the other night. it was a disaster. I mean, noone got sick or anything but it wasn't good, and my coping skills are pretty weak this week so it was really hard for me.

First off, I got some whack ass generic brand chicken that tricked me by being in a Purdue looking package. I FALL FOR THIS ALL THE TIME- I really need to start reading labels. Apparently, the horrible conditions under which you raise your chicken make a big difference, because this shit was nasty. It was just tough and not good. Think I got an old assed chicken or something- and I know it's not me, I can make chicken ok. Anyway, all I did was bread it with some bead crumbs and spices (homemade Shake n Bake) and bake it.

Then, I made lentil and rice pilaf, which is always delicious except if you accidentally use sticky rice like I did, then it's just weird. Enter strains of that old song "so close, yet so far away".

The third and final straw was that I had a broccoli craving, so I bought 3 lbs of broccoli (seemed reasonable at the time. In retrospect it was probably too much), then I couldnt think of how I wanted it, so I just ate a bunch raw. So by the time my subpar dinner was ready, I was fat full of broccoli. I mean, I guess there are worse things to be full of, but it was all so unsatisfying!

After the whole dinner disaster, I just lied around bemoaning my fate and trying to decide what to do with myself but there was nothing I wanted to do! Knitting? no. Sewing? no. Reading? no. Walking? no. Working? Aahahahahahahahahha. sorry, I meant no.

I motored around a little trying to find something that felt worth doing but couldn't so I finally just plopped my butt down on the couch so at least I had one part of my brain taken care of and I could just sit and ruminate on nothing in particular and just overall be pissy and yell "ugh!" every 10 min or so. Truly an example of a miserable person was I.

I should just put a big sign on my head that says " I have PMS and am wracked with non specific cravings and can not be satisfied. don't bother trying to please me, I'm destined to be miserable. Just go away." In fact, I think I might. It would save me the trouble of shooting people dirty looks or ignoring them when they come into my cubicle.

and then there's work....can't say much right now but it's pretty intense. And I'm a lazy person who has had it pretty good for a while, so this whole "Corporate Barbie working late all the time" crap is taking its toll. TGtomorrow's F!!!


Adam's going away this weekend and I'm going to do nothing-stuff all weekend. Nothing-stuff is that peculiar breed of things you do, which aren't very important in the grand scheme of things, but they occupy your time and make you happy and you have end results so you feel productive. This weekend's planned nothing-stuffs include a trip to the thrift store because I need Xmas sweaters for the whole family, hitting up the stich n bitch downtown to make fun with some old ladies, some miscellaneous crafty work around the house, minor carpentry and shelf hanging, and cooking something delicious which I will proceed to pig out on while I watch Grey's Anatomy Season 2 and sniffle, while in bed WITH THE ANIMALS (Adam's going away...paaaaaaarty). Grey's is my dirty little secret. I watch it on my computer when Adam's not around so he doesn't see my cry at all the silly girly moments- damn them! Once again, secret blogs rule.

And I'll probably work on "Operation: Bark, Howl and Dance when I say Snookums" a little bit too. She's coming along, but hopefully this weekend will be like boot camp and we can get way ready.

Ok, I'm back to making busy in the cubicle. Check back later for more bitching and tales of completley inappropriate nasty reactions to innocent comments made by the annoying man in the cube next to me. Wish him luck, I'm in rare form today.

tidbits

im listening to Nelly Furtado (All) on my ipod while i troll for anything interesting i might want to add to my breaded chicken. so far, little luck but i had the best idea and i needed to share it with like 5 people so im posting it here.

i'll post my dinner recipe later, its going to be quite a treat if i do say so. breaded chicken, lentil/rice pilaf and broccoli, gussied up somehow (im not sure exactly how yet). look for it later.

so back to me: i havent told adam about my new blog site and i dont think im going to. i think im going to start playing practical jokes on him intermittently, and posting the resulting hijinks here.

to start with, and this goes to show you that i dont bear slights slightly; this goes back to the crazy dog lady comment. upon further reflection, the insult is magnified because he was in my craft room when he said this. i get to be crazy in here, its my haven. to the basement with thee, hippy!

anyhoo. so not only am i going to start calling star snookums, im working to train her to bark whenever its said. so ill say "snookums" she'll say "what" (or whatever it is in dog, i know they dont really say "what") this will of course necessitate use of the name Snookums going undercover for a while, at least around the house, while we finish up training but its going well and i am hopeful that i can have this done before the holidays. and i can definitely keep it quiet here at home if i can talk about it online. i keep irish secrets, which means i only tell 1 person. i can totally not tell adam before its time as long as i can can tell someone. secret blogs rule!


look for updates, suggestions for irritating stuff to do to him are welcome. nothing that will cause bodily harm though, just funny stuff.

stunning developments

i was in the middle of what was shaping up to be a pretty funny post that included some pictures of my dog when out of nowhere she f'ing jumped on my laptop and trashed that sh*t! Who does that?? Suddenly after 8 years together, the last 5 of which have consisted of me with a laptop going pretty much all the time, she doesnt know what it is???? I'm on the edge of the bed too, so when she couldn't find purchase, she raked her nails over the keyboard and took out like 5 keys AND the underlying circuits. new keyboard = mandatory

she messed my junk UP! I guess she doesnt like being called snookums (youll get it when i have enough of a keyboard left to finish my post.) F!!



There are no victimless crimes.

crazy dog lady ???

so Adam called me crazy animal lady the other day. I immediately thought "he has no idea" my second thought was "crazy? ju wanna see crazy mang?" and so I thought I'd introduce him to my new friend Ima. As in "Ima show your ass what crazy looks like"

Star's name is being immediately changed to Snookums, and Kitty, aka Mr Cat, well. That one sort of speaks for itself. Maybe I'll call him kitty-witty or something.

So in the spirit of madness, here is my first all animal, all the time post:
Here's Snookums looking very sorry after being busted eating cat poo. Look she feels shame! Isn't she the smartest!!


Here's Snookums catching some rays under the rake. Cos, you know. Rakes rule n shit.


Here's Snookums writhing around ecstatically on my knittig. My animals like to showcase their junk for whatever reason.




Here's Snookums and Mr Cat snuggling on the couch. Snookums isn't a big fan, but Mr Cat is persistent and in the end, Snookums is a very very lazy dog and not likely to give up the couch.



Here's a shot of Mr Cat's junk. He loves the ladies to see his stuff!

There. I feel as if I've scratched the crazy lady surface. Off to eat now.

How much info is too much info??

So I just played a mean game of "Bathroom Survivor" with some lady from the Mortgage company down the hall. If you're not into tales of bathroom exploits, leave now. I won't be graphic, but I'm totally going there.

So I realize that I'm going to have "to go" while at work. It's less than ideal but I'm stocked fresh full of Cottonelle clean wipes so I can deal. I start scouting comings and goings in the ladies room, as I prefer privacy when handling certain aspects of my "business" (privacy or a certain degree of familiarity. no problem pooping while friends are in there with me. not *INTHERE* but nearby. anyway, i digress). So I'm stalking the ladies room, which is easy to do since it's right next to my office and I sit near the door. When I feel the coast is clear I gather up my wipes and head in. psyche! I own the place.

I pick my stall (the one with the seat up, so you know it's pristine and hasn't been used since he washed it) and get settled. THEN the door opens, and my privacy and sanctity are violated- unfair universe!!! But it's ok. It's cool, I can hold this. It's not urgent, I got a minute. She heads in the handicapped stall and right away I get a little concerned. That's usually for serious business but I'm not sweating it. Then silence, and I know what's going on. She's gotta go too and is waiting for me to finish so she can let loose. Only I'm not done, haven't even gotten started, so I'm not going anywhere. I'm chilling there, thinking through the possibilities....I could just go for it, but I ate Mexican and I don't know what's going to happen. Could be embarrassing, unless I can get done, clean up and wash my hands and be out of there before she finishes....but what if I see her while I'm washing my hands or something ?? Could be majorly embarrassing, and what if she tells her friends about what she heard ?? Neurotic yes, but this ending is written off as undesirable and subsequently discarded.

Option 2 is to retreat, but like I said I had Mexican and while it's doable I'd really feel better if I could get this off my chest (so to speak).

The third option is to wait it out. I risk a peek under the stall to assess my opponent. She's wearing spike heels...uh oh this means she's tough. I have crazy respect for women who wear heels all day. I couldn't do it. Not only would I slip fall and die before I got out of the house, I couldn't keep them on all day. They hurt . So I'm pondering her heels, starting to think I might be up against a brick wall here, and that I might have met my match, when I spot HAIR coming down. She's checking me out too! I manage to snap out of my spike heel induced self examination just in time to get out of there before we make eye contact under the stall (which has happened before and is SO weird). So now I know she has to go bad enough that she too has begun to assess the competition. My shoes are sensible, and I'm wondering what she thinks of me.

Now. What she doesn't know, and I can't tell her is that my bosses are all in Vegas. I have all day. Literally. and I'm not afraid to use it. I don't know what happened, but she has suddenly become The Enemy, and there are now principles at stake (no idea which principles, but some for sure). I can't just get up and run because some Amazonian bimbo has given herself divine rights over another campers parade. Well I could but I won't. I WILL NOT LOSE.

Yet I'm still strangely frozen in place. I can't go, because now it's been like 10 minutes and we're hanging out so if I was going to go I should have just done by now. Chances of meeting her while I'm washing my hands are now crazy high, and I'm not prepared to take the risk. But I can't leave, because I'm committed to this project, plus that would mean all the time I already spent in here was wasted.

We stalemated for a few minutes, and I'm seriously starting to worry. I mean, I have the will to win, but is my duodenum on board ? Can we last??? Just when I'm starting to think I'm going to have to break down and "go with a stranger near me" I hear the sigh. and in one moment, I know the truth. I WIN. I have outlasted, outwitted and out something-ed else her. I will once again be queen of the hill, left alone to live my excremental reign in peace and privacy.

Glamazon gets up, spends a serious couple of minutes f'ing with her pantyhose (must be control top) then stops by the mirror to fix her face before leaving. I peeked to see who it was so I can make completely baseless "I own you" faces at her whenever I see her in the hall. Not that she knows who I am (unless we meet again and she recognizes my shoes) But still....I win :o)