It's one of those days/weeks. My mouth is connected directly to my attitude, and the brain has left the building. And I have 0 patience units left, and people are legitimately being DOUCHE.
Example 1: FFFO. I erroneously reported on things on the farm evening out some and not being so bad. I may even have mentioned that we were planning on staying for another year. New plan: fuck her, we move. There's several factors in this, the main one being that HN can't get comfy. He still has hurt feelings over the fact that he thought they were friends but she turned out to be a fucking lunatic. It's easier for me to get over, because I spend the majority of my days here alone enjoying the rambling bucolic-icity of the joint, sunning myself on the asphalt driveway with dog and wandering the woods, also with dog. It is not a bad life from 9-5.
Anyhoooo, about a month ago I talked to FFFO about us not actually moving out. I told her I thought we'd like to stay, asked what her plans were for the place as far as finishing any of the work promised to go on when we first moved in, and asked her about rent. I got NO CAN DO on anymore work, MIGHT CAN DO on the issue of the broken thermostat and ANSWER UNCLEAR about whether they were changing rent (vague threat from way back) Conversation ended with "I'll let you know about rent" Fast forward one month. Not having heard back from her (and following her strict example of if YOU say YOU'LL get back to ME, I am absolved of ALL reponsibility for talking to YOU first) , I begin perusing housing listings on Craigslist. Once around the block with this ho was enough and I won't be caught out again by presuming she is a good person. Pickings are looking preeeety OK, so HN and I begin in earnest to discuss what to do. He basically takes a big deep breath and unloads about how much he hates it here, never comfortable, etc etc etc but hasn't been saying anything because I work from home and he knows how much I enjoy the aforementioned activities and he will stay and deal with it if I want to. Nice offer bitterbutt, but I think I'll take the trade of moving somewhere else with having my normal sane boyfriend back. I'm also not that fond of FFFO, but like I said, she's around like 20% of my life and I'm good at out of sight out of mind. So, for kicks the other night (and in order to have all pertinent info before pulling the trigger on a move) I decide to break down and ask her about rent and she announces they're raising it $100 and starts to list all the things they're going to do with the extra money. Bitch, please. Firstly, 100 bucks in the scope of what you pay for this place will make NO difference. Secondly, I believe NOT FOR ONE RED SECOND that you will do shit to this place. After all, they collected insurance money to do work on one part of the house last year and it NEVER HAPPENED. You have gotten complacent, because we're in and are reasonably tolerant and you are one of those "take what you can get from anyone/everyone types of people" Third, unbeknownst to you, I have looked around and one can get an INSULATED house for less than what we pay now. That's savings on rent, and the ability to heat the place for under 500 bucks a month (we are expected here to leave doors from the heated half of the house open to the non heated half so pipes don't freeze. Probably NOT this year). No, there are not 35 acres immediate connecting to 1000 more in the yard, but those 1000 acres are still within a bike ride of some new places.
After the rent discussion, she also says she wants to "sit me down and talk to me about the lawn" situation. More than done with the conversation after the last bullshit point,
I say "oh, (snickering laugh and pointing at you because you are a cunt) I don't get sat down and talked to. What did you want to say?"
Her:"Well, we'd like you guys to be better about the lawn next year. You were sporadic with mowing this year"
Me:"well is that all you wanted to say?"
Her:"well yes. "
Me: "well wasn't that easy. No need to "sit me down" now, right?"
Her:"umm ok. (seeing her dreams of calling me into the principal's office crumbling, perhaps beginning to noticeI don't care ?) Well, also (NOTE: shifty eyes and licking lips indicate BIG FAT LIE coming my way), uhh, I had to mow your lawn a few times over the summer. It was getting bad and there was poison ivy ALL OVER THE PLACE"
Me: (internally LYING CUNT DIE DIE DIE) "Weird. I hardly noticed, and it's so weird, because Star and I lie around the lawn ALL THE TIME. I know the lawn got long between mows, but you know we had problems with the mower we bought and we were pretty much at the mercy of the dude who was coming to mow for us. In the end yes, we could have been better" Bitchy smile, end conversation retreat to house. Announce to HN "Get the boxes, we move TONIGHT!" (we did not move tonight,but my point was clear)
ANGERING FACTS about the lawn issue:
1) she just bought a cadillac of fucking lawn mowers, which brings her stable of riding mowers to 3. She mows roughly an acre or 2 an hour on this thing, and for her to spin over our lawn would have taken her no more than 10 minutes. It is my opinion this should just be one of the things she does, or she should have let us use a mower. Instead, she insisted we should hire her kid to mow it, because the kid needs money. We opted to buy a mower instead, as I found it more palatable than being shaken down for more money by a greedy cunt who just dropped 900large on a farm she didn't need.
2)There is nothing in the lease about us mowing the lawn. In fact, we weren't even sure we were really on the hook for it until the day she stapled a nasty typewritten note to the door stating that the lawn had gotten too long. (she could not be bothered to mention it casually in any of the conversations we were having DAILY) It is my point of view that if you are going to have someone sign an 18 page lease contract which spells out things like having to close windows when it rains, etc then what you DON'T put in there becomes everything. There is nothing mentioned about the lawn.
3) SHE FUCKING LIED. Big stupid, coward, fake "all up in your face girl power" chickenshit bully. LIAR!! I HATE LIARS! HATE. Will not tolerate, do not respect. SUCK IT. She's a shitty, LOUD, righteous person who is always walking around proclaiming how she is the only one who can do anything right, but I believe a large portion of this issue comes from the fact that she thinks her ideas of what is right is so obvious people should always know what she wants, because she is too fucking cool to bother discussing. Peace bitch! You, I do not need. And I know she lied, because it's my lawn and I know how long it got, and I also was here everytime the dude came and mowed my silly long lawn. There is not one mowing unaccounted for. I WORK FROM HOME LIAR!
So this weekend, HN and I have plans to douche the house Saturday and break the news to her Sunday. I am most assured that once we tell her we are moving out, she will exercise her lease given right to enter the premises to inspect at anytime. (I personally believe she has already exercised this right, because while we were talking about the lawn, she started to say something else and stopped and looked away again and for whatever reason "she's been in the house" flashed in my head. I trust my gut more than I trust her and I fully believe) So, that's the FFFO portion of the giant asshole story.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE:
Example 2: Big boy, the snivelling CFO. The CFO of my company is this fat, balding, limp ass handshake having dude who always has a look on his face like he smells crap and it's coming from you. He also waddles when he walks, has man boobs and wears sandals in the summer that make him look like an overgrown 4 yr old when walking away. Think Baby Huey. It doesn't particularly bother me, because I work 350 miles away from him, and when I am in the office I work on the other side and never see him unless he's coming over for a soda or something. However, one thing that DOES get to me is that he is a perv and a bully. I caught him ONCE looking over my chesticles and waved my hand in front of the area while giving him a "I will eat your liver" smile and haven't had a problem since. It's disturbing to watch him with our comptroller however. She's a hottie southern girl, not modest, and not unaware that her boss harbors a sexual interest. He loves her feet (it's embarrassing to be in the same room and watch him watch her toes, watch her watch him watching her toes, and wiggle them now and then to keep him captivated. He loses track of what he was saying. Oh, have I mentioned he's married?)
Her tits, her toes, her problem I just try to avoid having to watch it. The worse part about him is that he is a fucking BULLY. He has made it his life's work to make the life of our office manager HELL, because she has self esteem issues and he smells weakness. She made a decision at some point to work 3 days for us and 2 for another job that she LOVES but can't afford to do only and full time, and this deal was approved by the president. (Her offer included volunteering to take calls from our company while she is at her other job, and this happens daily because she RUNS our company office). She also made a deal with her other job that they could call her on her days with us. Seems fair to me right? Roughly one month after we got a new part time admin to fill in the other 2 days a week she isn't here, DCFO (Douchebag CFO) sends an edict from on high that Innocent Office Manager (IOM) is no longer allowed to sit at the big desk in reception. He doesn't want her sharing a desk with the other girl (who mainly answers phones and stuff envelopes) Somehow, IOM comes out on the losing end of this deal, even though she ought to be out front because she handles everything, and really how big a desk does one need to stuff envelopes? Anyhow, IOM sucked it up because that's what she does, and took to a shared office with the comptroller. Within days, the points of the exercise became clear to anyone who is fucking AWAKE. 1)DCFO has started rolling MAJOR PERCENTAGES of his work downhill to comptroller, who in turn has to roll major percentages of her work to IOM. He rolls enough down that it is now a company joke to figure out what he DOES do. As in, even the president can't answer the question of what exactly DCFO is doing all day. So we now have IOM doing billing, taking checks, handling money- you know, comptroller stuff but not for comptroller pay. We also have DCFO strolling in all day to look at comptrollers boobs and feet, and hiding in the hallway looking in over IOM's shoulder so he can gaage what he thinks she's doing by what apps she is having open at the time, which was the second point of his relocating her. He couldn't previously see over her shoulder because of the way the big desk out front sits, and she types really fast which makes him suspicious and afraid that she is planning his death or something I guess.
From time to time we get edicts from on high penned by DCFO which I guess answers some of what he's doing with his time (though not enough to explain why it took 4 months for my stock option grant paperwork to come through). Everytime one of these edicts roll down, I know it is a stab at IOM and I always call her to ask what she did. She always has an answer So about 2 weeks after giving up the big desk to do more of comptrollers work, there is a edict issued about IM at work (laughed over when I called my boss to ask if we weren't supposed to use IM at work, would it be better if I called the UK office from my cell for $1/minute.) I call IOM to get the dirt, she replies "I was on IM with other job when he was watching" IOM did finally work up to say to him that if he doesn't want her answering queries from her other job while here WHICH WAS AGREED TO BE OK BY YOUR BOSS, then would he circulate something about how noone was to contact her on her days away from our company? Nothing came out, so the current system stays in place.
This goes on and on. Little person, snide emails from DCFO, always prompted by some way he is trying to make life harder on IOM. I have even brought this to the attention of the president, who in SHOCK OF SHOCKS (and I mean that, I was shocked) is a super conflict avoider! I've made the point and the case that DCFO is a bully terrorist and asked Pres to go across the hall and tell him to quit it with the mails, and maybe even pay attention to what DCFO is doing and to stop the insanity. No luck so far. I will not give up.
The lasted edict came out last friday. It reads:
To all MY COMPANY staff,
Just a reminder that the office hours are 8.30 am to 5pm EST Monday to Friday. Our customers and prospects are familiar with these hours making them the most likely times that they will call and it is important that we be available in the office when they do.
I appreciate that with such a small team there is a need for flexibility and thank you for being flexible. It is common for each of us to take calls outside of those times as well as being available for travel sometimes well into the early hours or over weekends. However, I ask that you also respect the office hours and be available at your desk for when the phone rings.
To make sure that we are all aware of who is in and when they are in, I will ask IOM to post a shared file that we can update for ourselves so that the rest of us know when we are on vacation, travelling etc.
Thanks for your cooperation and understanding.
DCFO
Just to review:
1) office hours are 8:30-5, but you are also expected to suck up answering calls before and after that time, and also to suck up travel time without being comped for it (oh right, he never travels so it's not a big deal) btw, the only one who ever leaves the office at 5 is him. And also, noone ever calls him so he doesn't do shit before of after business hours except for the rare early UK management calls.
2) IOM gets to manage us like a daycare in addition to all she does otherwise.
I read this, utter SEVERAL curse words LOUDLY and call IOM to ask how late she was this morning. She got in a 8:41 and by that time the president already had mail from DCFO about how he was ON A CALL and the phone rang TWICE and NOONE ANSWERED and he was VERY DISTRACTED while he was on his IMPORTANT CALL and would the president PLEASE ask IMO to be in the office ON TIME. UGH.
I call my boss to rant about this BECAUSE IT'S BULLSHIT, she agrees. I call the president, he laughs about how DCFO is walking funny and it might be because he tore a hamstring answering the phone or worrying about answering the phone etc etc. I ask him if he is aware that this is another one of DCFOs plots to terrorize IOM and he laughs more. I get fucking irritated and swear at him. He laughs more (NOT THE INTENDED EFFECT). This goes on, I get worked up more than I know is good for me and hang up before I say something stupid. (this topic will be revisited in person the next time I am in WF. Fuck this shit, we're not a big company and I won't be cunted around by policies based on the smallness of someone with a title)
Cut to Monday and Tuesday. IOM and everyone else show up at 8:30, in keeping with NEW IMPORTANT POLICY and....DCFO rolls in around 9. Both days. Without explanation.
I stew on that (now taking this way too personally but I hate me some bully and I need a cause and I also have my period and you know how that goes...)
So yesterday goes like this:
DCFO late again.
I fire off mail to my boss, Pres, Vice Pres, and IOM. Contents below (let this be a lesson about the perks of working in a small company. I know this could not happen in the real world):
IOM,
Big bitchy kisses to everyone,
k
I get a bunch of "oh you so funny" responses (I AM NOT KIDDING MOTHERFUCKERS!), including this gem from El Presidente..
Sending this is a direct violation of employee hand book directive 1.A.II/c.3 subset 97. You can look it up.
He's joking. Ahaha, isn't that DCFO a card? I don't think so, I respond:
We could just have IOM violate it then we would all get a public reminder.
No response. Color me shocked. (well I was a little, but I'm accepting of it until I get him in person) So I just followed up with a nice note about how I respect the office of DCFO, I understand by the lack of response from the president about this silly email that he must be on board and close by telling him how much! I look forward to my new office hours.
But it is not over by a long shot. I keep hoping DCFO will take a direct potshot, preferably at me because then I would have a leg to stand on with my arguments and it would no longer be ignorable or deniable even to The Pres but you can't just go getting in someone's face until that point. I know it won't happen though, because I don't smell scared like IOM does and he is exactly the kind of person who will never say anything to someone who would speak back. A girl can dream though.
/rant. For now.
2 comments:
Well said!!!
Holy shit dude.
and I mean this
HAAAAA!!!
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