Southwest airlines RULES

so I'm supposed to be going to Portland tomorrow via denver, but when i went to check in, I saw this note:

Travel Alert for Wintry Conditions in Denver (DEN)

Currently, we are operating our scheduled service at DEN. However, because of forecasted snow, our scheduled service could be disrupted. As such, there is the possibility that our flights to/from Denver (DEN) could be delayed, diverted, or cancelled. Please check Flight Status Information under the Travel Tools Tab for specific flight information.

Customers holding reservations to/from DEN for flights on Friday, April 17, thru the close of business on Saturday, April 18, wanting to alter their travel plans may rebook in the original class of service or travel standby (within 14 days of their original date of travel between the original city-pairs and in accordance with our accommodation procedures) without paying any additional charge.

So I checked the other flight options, the listed prices of which were $200 more than what I paid for mine. I called them up to ask about making the change for free and they did it. Who gives you a heads up, THEN doesn't commit ass rapery when you want to make a change?

My new best friend Southwest does!

Some days I love my job...

Like today. The VPN is down, so I can't do anything. Pretty much literally, there's nothing I can do because like a conscientious employee, I work on the remote machines and leave all my files and reports there.

I called my boss (also remote worker) to ask her what do I do, since I can't really do anything?

Her answer "go to the gym or run errands or something. That's what I'm doing"


Yeeeeah, buddy!

I am compelled

I need to get a TV or something. I'm all caught up on Grey's, no new episodes to watch and I'm too far behind on anything else to get involved. So I've been sewing...







Don't think I'm done yet! It will only get bigger. I think. It's also occurred to me to just bind it off and call it a blanket.

Are you on the edge of your seat?

Parlous Porcine Parlay

Electric fences are not for sniffing!

Ms Thing may or may not have learned her lesson this week. We'll see how long it lasts. Last week she was emboldened when she managed to make her way under the fence without getting zapped. Hilarity ensued, for several reasons:

1. It was pig feeding time, so Marla was walking through knee deep mud with a trash bag full of school lunch leftovers (i.e. pig food)
2. Marla was alone.
3. Marla was outnumbered.
   
4. Star was equally torn between trying to snipe at giant pigs and steal their lunch from Marla.
5. a most fortuitous gust of wind happened to blow down the 2 boards Marla uses to block the pigs in pigpen when she is in there and doesn't have gate closed.
   
6. 2 pigs were very afraid of Star and headed for the hills when the boards blew down. One pig was not afraid and proceeded to engage with said fat dog in a fight to the finish over the burritos. (my money was on the pig, btw)

Noticing that dog was gone from sight, I wandered over and happened along just as all of this was coming to a head. 2 pigs, screaming and running, 1 Marla screaming and stuck in mud and totally flummoxed, 1 dog unsure as to whether she should run from the very obviously not afraid pig, chase the 2 scared ones, or fight for the food. It was pretty great. I gave her a big neighborly smile and great big wave and a "Heeeeeeeeey Marla, how's it going?" a la Craig's mom in Friday. She looked up like a crazed woman, not sure whether to believe I was that stupid and throttle me or not. I helped her out by laughing at her and letting her know I was on the way and would help.

For roughly 5 minutes Marla and I tried to handle the wrangling, but as Marla kept yelling "Pigs come here!" and Star (being addressed as Pig in the familiar) kept coming back and making things worse, and the pigs, *clearly* not giving a fuck who was driving where to get their sorry asses burritos and who also built them a "pretty pink pig palace" could have given a fuck less and went immediately away from where she told them to "git!" to, we got not very far. We did manage to at least block the 2 pigs into the far pastures, thus preventing escape into the great wide world, though not effectively sealing them off from the pond, the woods or the golf course beyond.

Eventually, Marla decided we needed reinforcements, so she ran to get some help and at that moment I was able to NOT be doubled over with laughter and a plan came to me. I decided to use the scaredy pigs' fear of the dog to my advantage and gave her a Stay in one of the doorways they had open as an escape route. My girl has a solid stay, especially after a certain point in my tolerance for her antics has been passed. Once she was settled and blocking, I went wide and just began wandering around the pigs, drinking my beer and chatting sociably with them about things like bacon, sausage, veal (unrelated I know but ghastly just the same, not that I think it much matters to them because these fuckers EAT PORK!). They eventually came round to my way of thinking and fast waddled back to the pasture, where just as HN's dad, cousin, sister, bro in law and himself came back with Marla I was shutting the gate on the pasture and muttering how that had been enough of that.

I have sweet pig skills, indeed I am like the pied piper of pigdom.

Now if i could just get my dog under control...

Off Topic: picture coming soon, but holy crap can a pig till the land. These things should be rented out as organic rototillers. It's way impressive.

Good Friday Vignette

aka, the instant cycling of my karma:

The scene: Friday afternoon, I'm a little annoyed (I forget why. Sometimes I'm just bitchy like that) Going to Home Depot to get a plant because I've decided today is the day the big bathroom becomes a real bathroom. Now that it's warming up some, it's possible to do things in the uninsulated side of the house. Get to Home Depot and decide I want *that* parking space. The one with 2 giant trucks one either side, and not enough room for me. Sigh...

Me, suddenly convinced my 11 year old car corners like it's on rails: "fuck those guys. who do they think they are, space hogging? I deserve to park here too. I'm going for it"
Karma: "Oh really bitch?"
Car: BOOM! as I drive into one of said big trucks.

Me: Sigh...( I had that one coming.) I hate knowing I had something coming. I hate it more when I get what I had coming.

So I go off and find another spot to park, dig around for some paper to write a note on and head back to the scene of the crime. There is a man there unloading a pallet of bricks into the back, so I grit my teeth, muster up my most winningest smile and shuffle over.

Me: Hi (BIG GRIN)
Man: Umm hi. (eyes saying "what do you want? Is she a beggar? Is she crazy? Might I ever have gotten her pregnant?")
Me: So. I just drove into your car. *Smile*
Man: What?
Me: That car right there?
Man: Yes (looking at truck)
Me: *big smile* I just drove into it. Drove Right Into It! (pantomine collision with fist and palm) *smile*
Man: Oh. (looking at car, not much to see) Well, thanks.
Me: Well, I didn't do it on purpose, but you're welcome. I was trying to park.
Man: No, no. Thanks for telling me.
Me: No problem. I figured if I'm going to drive into your car, the least I could do was come say hi.
Man: oh. Well thanks anyway, I appreciate it. I think it's fine though. I think you drove into the tire.
Me*: Well then take my number. If the tire blows up on your way home or something, give me a call and I'll buy you a new one.
Man: (taking number, still not convinced I'm not begging for money or something) Oh. Well, thanks. Have a good weekend. Thanks again, I hope this nets you some good karma.

Karma: Fat chance. This wipes the slate clean, but remember me bitch. I'm always here.
Me: Fuck you karma. I know, I had that coming. I'm glad we're even and I won't drive angry.

Remember: Don't drive angry!

* Sigh. I firmly believe no good deed goes unpunished. All I could think was this dude was going to let me off the hook and then on his way home get a flat and have no recourse, it being his own fault for not getting my info. So, I guess in the end I'd rather put myself at risk for the punishment of doing the good deed of giving him my number, than put it on him. After all, it was totally my fault I drove into his car. I mean, it did jump right out at me and all, but whatever.

The aftermath

Well. I don't know if I would do that again...if I did, I would do some things differently.
-some sort of medicated pad, with soothing properties
-NO ACIDIC FOODS
-try to coordinate this with a fast of some sort. Food doesn't last long, even in the upper GI it turns out. Also, it comes out whole (disturbing, but educational in that I really don't chew enough; gotta work on that), and acidic. For reals.
-no carbonated water. I'm not going into it.
-definite alone time. HN didn't end up going out, it got weird.

On the whole though, it was quite a thorough process. Somewhere around hour 9 (because it has been going on for nearly 17 now) it occurred to me that having had the flu recently, I might not have enough buildup to really be reaping the benefits of all this. Had I not already been drano'd from the inside out, I might have had more appreciation for this.

Also, you could totally half and half that shit with some Sprite and trick someone. I'm not saying you should, but someone asked if you could. and yes. If you added Vodka, it might even be good.

I'm never taking unopened drinks from anyone again, you people are sick.

Product review: Magnesium Citrate Oral Solution

This post is not for the squeamish. It is also not for people who hate it when I talk about poo.

You go now!

Now, the reason for this little excursion is several fold. Probably none of them make much sense to anyone, unless we're super tight and then you're probably all "oh, that Kerry". My mother tried to be surprised but wasn't, nor was she supportive. My dad just sighed. However, my brother and several curious friends are on my side. My friends ostensibly because they need a laugh, and my brother because he just won the biggest loser competition sponsored by his work. He used the magic juice to get through the finish line (though he had less than dramatic results I suspect because he was at the 7th day of a juice fast anyway).

Anypoo, in helping my brother research possible products to clean his pipes and win the cash I spoke with several friends who had had colonoscopies and they all said this juice was the poo (no pun intended). Basically drink a bottle (2 if you're crazy) 24 hours before the procedure, grab a gallon of water and don't go far from the loo. I googled a bit and found this dude's story. Now I'm personally hoping for an experience somewhere between his 2 ends of the spectrum, but I understand the risks involved.

It's HN's night out with the guys (weds prep for the KSR) I've got a good book and several at home activities planned tonight (also implementing an awesome new twist on my mac and cheese but it just doesn't seem right to talk about food right now).

Time of Ingestion was 3:42 pm. It's been 45 minutes, nothing yet. I guess that's good?

5:00 Nothing yet. Ha! I laugh at this and briefly wish I had bought a second bottle.

5:12 A little rumble in the bronx. Tummy feels funny. hmmm...

5:25 WOW! and also OUCH! and OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!

More to come. (apparently MUCH more)