Thanks Hunt Valley Animal Hospital, for re-affirming my original fuck you assessment

Phone call # 1: Hunt Valley Animal Hospital

me: Hi, my cat used to be a patient there but isn't anymore because I live in the city. My new vet just told me he needs to be on a renal failure diet* but that this clinic doesn't have the capacity for that so I need to switch vets. She said that she would provide all his records and labwork for me to give you. Can I switch back to you and make you my vet for future visits and come get the food?

Receptionist: If he's not a patient anymore, we don't really do that. You'd need to make him a patient again and come have an exam and labs.

me: This exam was done Friday by a vet. I'll bring him for an exam but I don't think he needs new labs. (read: you're not stabbing my old sick cat again)

Receptionist: Yeah, we don't really do that.

me: So you won't give me the food my sick cat needs because the exam was done by someone else?

Receptionist: Yep. Did you want to make an appointment?

me: No, I think not. I can order the food online with vet verification, I just thought, you know, since you are theoretically in the PET WELLNESS business you might want to like, help keep my cat alive and comfortable for a while.

Receptionist: Well, good luck. Online sounds like the way to go.

me: indeed.


Phone call # 2 (Light St Animal Hospital)

me: Hi, my cat is not a patient there. My current vet just told me he needs to be on a renal failure diet but that this clinic doesn't have the capacity for that so I need to switch vets. She said that she would provide all his records and labwork for me to give you. Can I become a patient there and make you my vet for future visits and come get the food?

Receptionist: Yep. I'll go through and see what brands we have and have the Dr here give you a call back.

me: Do I need to bring the cat down for an exam or something?

Receptionist: No, we don't need to do that to him. Just talk to our Dr when he calls you - which will be today - and then bring down the paperwork and stuff from your other vet. You might call your current vet and see if she recommends a specific brand, but I know we have all that stuff on hand.

me: see you later.


I fucking hate Hunt Valley. The reason I stopped going there in the first place is that they are fucking money machines with no real regard for the comfort of the dog. Their MO as far as I can tell is to stretch the pets life out without regard for comfort, for as long and as much money as possible. When Star was diagnosed with her thyroid tumor, their immediate recommendation was a $3k surgery to remove her thyroid, then potential radiation something or other to treat what might be left. "BTW, she might die on the table since the tumor is enmeshed in her jugular vein and trachea and also, she won't really probably live any longer than she will WITH the tumor, and if we nick her trachea nerves she'll cough and gag for the rest of her life. Also also the whole rest of whatever time she is alive she will be uncontrollably hungry and thirsty all the time because she won't have any thyroid at all to regulate metabolism. But I think it's worth it, here's a pamphlet, call to schedule surgery. Also, she has some tartar, so I think you should schedule a second anesthetic session and have her teeth cleaned. That would be $700 but dog tooth hygiene is really really important".

I made that "am I confused or are you an asshole or am I missing something?" face, mentioned that I thought tartar was lower on my list of priorities than cancer, confirmed that life span with or without the tumor was looking like roughly the same, the only differences being that with the tumor, she just has a tumor (gross and sucky, yes) but that in order to be without the tumor (with the surgery) she would be miserable and possibly paralyzed in her windpipe, and also as a geriatric dog, probably have some issues recovering from the surgery. All of my suspicions confirmed, I informed the vet that we were going to go for a "quality of life" treatment route and that I would call her when I thought the quality was lacking, gathered my dog while she protested, paid the exorbitant bill and left. For good.

And as of this morning, I remember why.

*I am anti "keep the animal alive at all costs to make yourself feel better". I will however spring for some boku food if it means another year of little dude being comfortable and healthy, screaming all night and purring all day. For that, I can give up Starbucks for a while.

After all, Star needs someone to keep her warm in winter...