i really prefer it when my cup runneth over

so i've posted another personal ad on CL. gotten some pretty funny responses, including a few with some seriously graphic pictures. is it just me, shouldn't you wait to see if the person is interested in anything you have to say before showing off your root? or could i get a warning or something so i don't pop that shit open while i'm eating ??

what is the matter with you people?

also, i've gotten responses from a bunch of the same guys who emailed me below about having dinner. it's frightening to think i might actually be compatible with them (which is one theory i have about why they responded- the other, and more likely scenario is that they respond to all ads...yes, even via blackberry)

there are a few contenders. ladies, i'm going to need some advice on this one, so dial in! don't make me surprise you with nasty photos first thing in the morning, you know i'll do it.

i think i did a bad thing.

well to start with, i did a bunch of good things today. :o) i winterized all my garden boxes, gathered up all the nasty dead shit and dumped it all down the street. it's the final stage of my "get caught up on shit i have been meaning to do" campaign and i'm pretty pleased with the results.

i X'ed a bunch of other things off my to do list and thought i would give baking a try. i was going to go bike ride but the damn weather cant decide what it's going to do so i gave up. it keeps starting to snow, and i am all set with that. maybe once i get my new jacket clean...

so anyhow. i'm having dinner next door tonight and thought i would whip up some biscotti to bring. only i couldn't find a recipe i liked so i sort of started one then tweaked it a little bit. but i don't think i necessarily did a good thing. i think i beat the flour too much if such a thing is possible and im afraid of what's going to come out of the oven.

i am just not good with written instructions. or things that require precision.

there. that feels better.

so, adam came yesterday and got the (seriously this time) last of his stuff. i was all irritable all day, just because him coming meant i had to think about him, which of course led to thinking about what a giant douchebag he turned out to be.








the Peoples' Exhibit A


anyhow. i knew today was going to be a day when i would be a little irritated, because it's seeming to take a day or two to move through it whenever i am reminded of some other shitty thing he did, or see something i didn't see before. belated indignance, what have you. so yesterday i asked my neighbors if i could tag along to the thrift store with them this morning, because it's super saturday which means everything is half price. i've never been but she (barbara) always comes home with awesome stuff so i knew i would too and that it would cheer me up.

it worked. i have been struggling with the urge to drop a bunch of money on this jacket, because i really felt like i needed a knee length down jacket. well lo and behold, the first thing i peep upon entering the scene this morning is a knee length down jacket, for 7 bucks. WHATS UP. and i knew it was going to be a good day after all.

by the time we left i had a trash bag full of clothes: 5 sweaters, 1 shirt for work, my jacket, a purse, a hoodie, a pair of cords and a t shirt. the grand total? $27.10. rocking! i am so pleased with my haul. i love goodwill! not only do you get awesome shit dirt cheap, but everyone who's there is in an awesome mood because it's super saturday and they're about to rock a bargain. over all, it's a very positive experience and it truly lifted my spirits.

so we killed the morning there, and i had some nice time out of the house/social interaction (both of which i needed). when we got home i felt ready to take out my frustration physically and productively, and to be done with it and over it. so i grabbed a saw and "trimmed" my bonsai weed trees out back. they are 2 giant weeds- poison sumac or something- that i started shaping over the summer to look like trees. only it worked too well and they grew ridiculously fast and ended up near the power lines out back, and they're always hitting the poor trash guys on their way by. so i decided to trim them for the good of everyone and my own release. it was so nice out, i brought star's bed out so she could get some fresh air and sun. she has been bored to tears lately, not being able to do anything. apparently chewing a bone is only fun for the first 3 weeks, then it gets old. she's doing good though with the leg. we have been taking 5 min walks 3x a day and she can bear weight on it and stuff.

out in the yard she had a good time. she also took out her frustrations on the tree:

"it gnashes it's teeth in fury... UNLEASH THE FURY MITCH!!"
do you think that stick is big enough?

i actually really like that picture, i think she looks all rugged. you can see the hair has not yet come back on her ass fully. it's going to be an afro when it comes in i think, because it's all the same length. maybe i'll rename her Patty LaBelle or something.

as for the trees, well. the trees will be missed...or more likely since they're weeds they will grow back twice as full next spring.

The aftermath.

i'll have to find some before pictures to show you. the trees used to be hitting power lines that aren't even in this picture. but i feel *so* *much* *better*!! honestly, if you're ever feeling bitter demolition work is the thing. my neighbor louis - who helped me drag the tree carcass parts down the road and dump them in the woods- said i just had to release a little destruction wave and that this was as good a way as any. i think i might have scared him a little. at some point in the process he came over to offer me his fancy tools to cut down the high branches, but i had already gotten started. i saw an arborist do this once; i just climbed the tree with a hacksaw and started cutting my way down. when he saw me up in the tree, clearly manifesting some sort of anger processing he just backed off and watched. he said i'm very bold with the hacksaw. hahaha.

then i came in and took a lovely nap which hit the spot. had a delicious dinner


also, if you know me, copy me a cd and send it down. i need something new. please.

OH MY GOD I HAVE A "THING" IN MY EYE

ok, so anyone who knows me probably already knows I'm a minor hypochondriac. If I read a book about a disease I immediately start manifesting symptoms. I've been checked out for lupus like 5 times because in high school my dad got me this book "Our bodies our selves" (which is awesome by the way, especially if you're a single man raising a teenage daughter and you don't want to actually discuss sex and ovaries but want to make sure she knows about all that stuff). Every time I read that part, I *know* I have lupus. I even put asterisks next to all the symptoms I have, so it would seem not so ridiculous when I went to get tested (boy that that backfire!)

Anyhow. So in doing more camera testing for work I got my eyes dilated again yesterday and took some Red Free (black and white) pictures. Check it out:



Groovy huh? Anyhow, so then the technician looking at the pictures says "oh!" and I said :"oh!"???? "OH!"???? WHAT?!

I apparently have a twisted blood vessel section, which he said is "cool" and is "as unique as a fingerprint". cool? well let's just see about that shall we? Here is a close up:


So there it be, my little roadblock on the highway of life. It is actually kind of cool to look at, but would be way cooler if it were someone else's. He gave me a brief rundown of the kinds of problems it might ever cause, and symptoms, and told me to be aware and remember to tell people about it if I ever start losing my peripheral sight, but said it will probably not amount to anything. He also showed me the spot in my vision that would be affected, so naturally now I'm always trying to decide if I can in fact see things in that spot or if I am compensating with my other eye.

I tried to warn him not to tell me things like this, but he just didn't listen. So now of course I'm already practicing feeling my way around the house: "just in case"

oh yes i did.

so last night I decided I was bored and wanted to go out, but I didn't feel like going out alone for a change so I thought I would post a brief ad on craigslist and see who was out there.

here's what i posted:


Hi there,

30yo female, going out to dinner tonight because I am sick of cooking and I wouldn't mind some company. I live in Hampden, would prefer something within walking distance (Hon cafe, Dizzy's, maybe even something over by Hopkins)

gender, age, race, unimportant. This will be a dutch affair (each pays their own way), you're not getting laid, and I may or may not decide to hang out with you again.

For now, all I want is a dinner companion.Seems like it's pretty straightforward right? Here's a few of the responses I got...(caps and grammar preserved for your reading pleasure)

1. I CAN AFFORD BOTH DINNERS< BUT > WHAT AM I GOING TO SEE ? WHAT''S YOUR FIELD OF EXPERTISE>>?????? HOW BRIGHT ARE YOU??? I'm a dwm, 6' 175lbs, most of the right stuff.. A RETIRED MAGAZINE PHOTOGRAPHER & LIVE NEAR BY>>>""" THAT'S -30-
• I don't know dude, what are you going to see? not me, that's for damn sure. you use too many >, and " and ? for my comfort. Seriously, sometimes one is enough. Plus, THE FACT THAT YOU RANDOMLY TYPE THINGS BOLD AND ALL IN CAPS MAKES ME THINK YOU MIGHT BE FUCKING NUTS!!!
  
• How bright am I? brighter than to answer your sorry ass. "most of the right stuff"??? you can kiss "most of" my ass, cracker!
• my field of expertise? It's lunatic detection. What's that beeping? Oh, you're setting off my "fucking nuts"-o-meter. ciao!
• "retired" riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight hahahahahahaha, "retired". that was great, thanks man.
• "that's -30-"? *what* is 30? WHAT IS 30 DAMN YOU!!!
  
2. Hi, I loved that part about not getting laid! Seems like that's all anybody wants. I am also from Hampden and would love to take you to dinner and chat. Maybe we could meet before at my place. I live alone and would like to get out now and then. Thanks, Dick Email for phone no.
• Hi Dick: I love that you love that part about not getting laid. I actually meant forcibly in addition to of my own volition. No, you fucking twat I do not want to come to your random ass man from the internet house and see if you might slip me a roofie or something! What the hell is the matter with you anyway???
• what the hell kind of last name is Email for phone no. I think you mean: "email for phone?" "no"
• READ: I SAID DUTCH MOTHER FUCKER!!! don't offer to buy me dinner. usually non offensive, but I *said* in the ad that it was platonic, and dutch and no laid! take me to dinner, you ain't taking me nowhere fool! you're not buying me shit, I'm not coming to your house, and you won't knock me out and tie me up in your basement and make me live there doing your weird laundry until I escape one fateful day because you leave the door open when you go to work. NEVER!!!!!
3. Have a pic?? I'm in federal hill.. Wanna meet somewhere in bewteen? Sent via BlackBerry from Cingular Wireless
• Have a pic? = "I think I'm getting laid" or "I'm too pretty to hang out with people not as pretty as me" SUCK IT
• ?? .. = "I am compulsive. I can not use a single punctuation point or I FREAK OUT. I REALLY need you to know what I mean? You know what I mean?" PASS!
• Wanna meet somewhere in between? nope, that's why the ad said Hampden fool. beat it!
• "sent via BlackBerry wireless" = "I am sooooooo important, and I am soooooooo mobile. look at me. I can surf CL from my handheld and email random chicks who say I'm not getting laid, but I better get a picture anyway, just in case. Cause you know, ugly people probably don't make good dinner companions" I'm so tempted to show up looking purty and then pick my nose at the table or something. haaaa. that would be fucking funny. I might take it there someday, but not today.

Do I even need to say that I ended up staying in alone ?

honestly, people. HONESTLY!!!

Vegetarian goodness. check it out.

enjoy! i'm having leftovers of this for lunch today



Lentil Barley shepherds pie recipe:
3/4 cup lentils, cooked
1/2 cup barley , cooked
mushrooms (i use alot)
onion
garlic
some mixed veggies (lima beans, green beans carrots etc because i dont like any of these enough to use a whole can of any of them but i know theyre good for you so i try to eat some)
some frozen corn (or a can of corn)
vegetable boullion or broth (use better than bouillion, or gravy packets from durkees)
soy sauce

cut up some potatoes in a pot with water and set them on high heat- i like to leave the skin on. by the time everything else is done, the potatoes are usually ready to be mashed and added.

saute the mushrooms, onion and garlic in a pan with some olive oil until the onions are translucent and the mushroom starts to look cooked. (can add rosemary, thyme, etc if you want- not much, maybe 1/2 tsp of each) add the lentils/barley and the mixed veggies, a dash or 2 of soy sauce and then a cup or so of broth and stir it all up. if youre using bouillion, mix a cube with 1-2 cups of water and add that. i cook all of it for a few minutes on low-med heat to let the flavors sort of percolate. if you like a thicker gravy, either add some wondra, or some flour while youre simmering this all. (you can also use guinness beer instead of water when making the boullion)

put this mix in whatever pan/dish youre going to use to cook the pie in. top with a layer of corn, then mash up the potatoes (add milk or butter if you like) then spread it on top. i like to put paprika on the top of everything, just a light coat on top of the potatoes. bake in a 350 degree oven until the potatoes start to brown. you should also be able to see some liquid bubbling up around the edges, just to let you know everything inside got hot.

also, not sure if you like soups but i made WAY too much lentils and barley when i first made the shepherds pie recipe (1/2 cup seemed too little to me, but it isnt!) so last night i threw a bunch of onions, mushroom and garlic in a crockpot with 4 cups of vegetable bouillion and 2 cups of white wine and let it cook for a while (4 hours on high). when everything was cooked i added the lentils and barley, and cooked for another 45 min or so. it came out really good. you can speed this up by just sauteeing the mushrooms and onions first, then just cooking it all together for 30-45 min or so.

voila'!

a good hard look at me

so living alone has the weird advantage of being a little place where every thing and every change are wrought directly by you, (me) the live aloner. it really gives you clarity and the oppurtunity to examine things you do, without the interference of having someone else around to muddy the results.

here are some things i am learning about myself as time goes on:

-i use a lot of spoons. no ideas, no explanation on this one. we always used a lot of spoons, i just never thought much of it because there were 2 of us and somehow that seems like a good enough reason. but now that it's just me, i'm noticing there is still always a pile of spoons in the sink. whatever, i'm just saying i use a lot of spoons is all.

-i also use a lot of toilet paper. i drink a lot of water, and i love to poo. there's not a heck of a lot of wiggle room on this one, and very little shame on my end. i'm going to try conserving squares when it seems prudent to do so.

-i'm pretty neat. adam was pretty much constantly bitching about the state of the house. it's funny because now that he is gone and i have more room, and places to actually put all of my stuff and it's all put away. the one room upstairs is still a clothes hamper/closet/craft basket/work area pile of vomit, but it's just that one little room. who even cares ?? not me.

-i sleep better with piles of animals all over me. having dog and cat back in the big bed has really made a difference in sleeping. i have more room to spread out, but i can hear the assorted bodily functions of the dog, and the cat is usually on my back while i'm sleeping. both very reassuring, and it feels much like like back to "aaah" than the adjustment i thought it would be.

-i talk to myself: a lot. less so possibly since i started this blog, and sometimes i do pretend i'm talking to the dog or cat, but i'm pretty much just talking to hear myself talk. i think i am actually unable not to speak all the time, so it's a good thing i have the animals around as a beard. me != silent monk

-i like getting up damned ass early in the morning and doing work when it's all quiet and dark. i never really did that when adam was here, i'm not fool enough to get out of bed when there's a naked man in there, but now that he's gone i make very good use of the 5-9 period in the day and get tons more work done.


that's it. i'm still exploring, look back later for more findings.

and now, for your entertainment is a picture of my nephew *freaking* the fuck out because we dressed him up in a chicken costume and laughed at him. shit was funny!

pondering while i drink my coffee; murder most foul.

i think im going to drown my cat in the toilet. he's becoming very unruly lately. my dad postulates that the cat knows im off balance because adam left and all the other stuff going on, so he's testing my limits. i think my dad's giving the cat too much credit, but if he's right that's even more reason to drown him isn't it?

he's been *hurling* himself into my door at night screaming and when i don't let him in, he goes and attacks the toilet paper. this in of itself is not a huge problem, as the roll that's on there is there mostly to amuse him but it's annoying because he is so doing it to get back at me for not letting him in the room. it's the principle of the thing.

and when i go out, i lock him in the basement so star isn't tempted to go downstairs and raid his catbox (which she has already done WITH injured leg once when i forgot- asshole!). i went down there to watch tv last night and noticed he had eaten some of a hat i was knitting! PRICK! he severed the hat off the yarn ball and at like half a row. fucking dumbass blah blah blah cat.

so anyhow, /kittyrant i guess. i'm starting to take the animals way too seriously.

he is doing some cute stuff now. like cuddling with the dog because she can't really do anything about it.

Notice the helpless look in her eyes. She wants to hate the cat and be mean to him, but the pills make her feel so funny...

today at the gym

i was training for my 5k. because i have a goal now, and that is like so helpful. so yay!

anyhow, in 25 min i got 2.18 miles done, which is better than the other one (or at least not worse) so i'm happy. i felt ok too, though not motivated to do extra.

i also couldn't help but notice the handsome new boy at the desk at my gym. oh, mixed race boy. i love you. he inspires lovely samurai thoughts.....sigh...

it's curtains for me!

This is what I did this weekend. These curtains were a total emotional rollercoaster for me, lol. I had the red material for a while now, but I didn't have enough for the living room window and door. Anyway, I knew home dec stuff was on sale at JoAnn's fabric so I went to get material for the curtains I'm making my sister.

so I found this very complimentary green material, which was supposed to be $30/yd, and it was a 2.5 yd remnant, so I was going to get it for half price, about 30 bucks total. When I got to the register, it was on half price so I got it for $13 total. I was pretty psyched, it seemed like a good sign.

So I worked on the curtains for about 5 hours saturday. I hung them at the end of the 5 hours and was completly bullshit to see I had totally fucked them up and they were all crooked. And it was super noticeable too, the line between green and red was diagonal. I was pissed, so I put it all aside and went to bed.

I woke up fresh today and had another go at it, this time using my tape measure. What a change! here is the finished product:

The curtains closed, protecting me from the wind. and saving me money.

this is how the curtains are being kept open so I don't rot from lack of sunlight all day.
That's a dog collar holding the curtain together.

The rest of today was sort of blah'ed away. After I finished the curtains I climbed into the dog bed and took a 2 hour nap, which was awesome. Then I packed up a bunch of books I didn't want anymore and walked over to the book thing. Man, I wish I had my camera with me, it was *beautiful* out. It was all gray and snowing, and just gorgeous. I did manage to pop a few pics off with my phone.


here is a brick wall I walked by. I just liked all the contrast in colors;

seriously??

so i went to make some chicken and broccoli with garlic sauce for lunch, thought i'd put it on some pasta, only ADAM TOOK THE PASTA!

sigh. i swear...

remember that country song i talked about? this is the 2nd verse.

well add the car in now, officially.

my registration expired.
i brought the car to be inspected ($75) which has to happen before i can register is ($150) which has to happen because now i've gotten tickets for having it parked with expired tags ($80). apparently my plan of not driving the car until i can get it back on the road is not the one for me.
so. the car needs work ($200), which because i cried when the man said that (people shouldn't give me bad news - i don't like it) will cost only ($100), but i will have to do the work myself.

so, the grand total for this is....drum roll please....$400 USD, provided no other surprise fines await me at the registry.

and the dog is due to start rehab for her leg soon, but only no rehab places can take her. they are all booked out at least a month, because if your pet plans to get injured, you really need to plan for it.

i just spent 20 min hiding under the covers with the dog's bed with her, because so far today leaving the house has brought no good things upon me. in addition to the car:

i was at the hospital for work as of 6am this morning. i intended to do 2 things:
1)test the 4th and final fancy camera so we would be all ready to go for Friday. i like my shit confirmed early, with time for contingencies. ahahaha.
2)update SQL server on the test machine, so i could network a remote station into the database (which was not currently allowing this due to shoddy install work by a man who wore, in his own words "an infrastructure engineer hat" and also had horrible anger management problems).

i could tell a long story about this, and another one about the security thugs at the hospital but i wont. it was actually a funny story, but i'm too lazy to type it, and feeling a touch cynical so i don't want to taint it. suffice it to say that at 130 pm..a full 7.5 hours later, i am beginning a brand new install of windows server 2003 on the same machine that needs to have sql server 2005, all my software, and a crapload of fancy camera software suites installed on it and up and networked and also running a new web based product beta (untested version) stably by friday.

i'm currently 54% through the way of formatting the first of 2 150G partitions. and then there will be install. so if you need me, this is where i'll be. probably updating my rants tonight, lol.

this just in: my hero ichiro is going to send me some talk shows to listen to. so it will be like im with people. and if i talk to some people online, then it's almost like i have a life right? lol. i'm kidding. lives are overrated sometimes and right now i'm focusing solely on myself (including doing a kick ass job and getting a promotion and a raise and learning a bunch of stuff). i'm high maintenance and i've been neglected. i'm playing catch up is all.

i am not running today. or climbing. i am not leaving the house, more specifically this chair except to eat and pee.

plus, my body is one big knot of pain right now. it hurts to open sodas or do anything at all related to using my hands, arms or body. and running has made me ache all over too. this is so sad. i know the first 2 weeks are going to be though and then my muscles will deal and all that. i can totally do this. but man...

the best grilled cheese. ever.

it was like the perfect storm of melty goodness with delicious.

i got a loaf of rye at a bakery in bethesda this weekend. excellent stuff.



I took my time with this one. i preheated the pan (THE best grilled cheese or fajita pan ever, btw), and even got my fancy cheese cutter out so i could cut the gouda extra thin and delicious.

tA Da. perfect and delicious, just the way i like it. i think next time, roasted garlic cloves tossed in. or spread on. mmm.

tonight i'm having buffalo chicken wraps with my fancy new bleu cheese on top. i can not wait!

i also had a good run today. i'm doing 25 minutes to start with and i do a walk jog run jog walk thing at 5 min apiece. when i'm comfortable with that, i'll increase. today i covered 2.11 miles in 25 min. i'm going to track it here over the next few weeks so i have changes to look at.

i ate it with some fava beans....an ode to cheese, and the people it makes me think of

today has been a good day. star got her stitches out, which was FREE (which was AWESOME), i went climbing and then i bought myself some delicious food, which i will eat over the next few days.

the highlight is probably that i bought myself a bunch of cheese, and discovered that various cheeses remind me of various people.

i bought some gouda, which reminds me of jenn, because she got wasted at the wine expo of 05 and announced she knew that a certain smoked gouda we tasted would make "a bomb grill cheese", and proceeded to buy a big block intending to go home and make one. i remember my first thought was that the cheese lady was about to faint at our obvious violation of the "spit out" thing you're "supposed" to do at upscale wine affairs. but honestly, i paid 65 bucks to get in, i want some wine and i'm not spitting it out! that make *no* sense to me. and so i swallowed. ha! shut up beavis!
my second thought was "jenn knows snacks. follow that drunk!" and so i bought a big block of the same gouda, because jenn knows what to do with some cheese, and if she says grilled cheese, i'm in. it was true too, which was fantastic. i made one that night with a delicious little bottle of malbec. yum.
(my third thought was that jenn eats sweetbreads, and is therefore also to be considered somewhat suspect in the dept of foodstuffs picking, because alot of stuff she eats is organs, and i do not eat organs. <-ha! anyway, i remembered she was good with cheese and i went for it)

i bought a big block of bleu cheese, fancy, which reminds me of mike. he had a giant bleu cheese at his house once, someone gave it to him for xmas. a cheese of the month club. awesome. my bleu cheese story is kind of lame after the gouda i guess, but that's who it makes me think of.

i *saw* but did not *buy* a bunch of nice brie. brie reminds me of my sister, because on christmas this year we cooked a big wheel of fancy brie with raspberry jelly and wrapped in fila dough and baked. when it came out of the oven, we sat in the kitchen and ate it. we didnt share, and we told everyone to get out of the kitchen because they were crowding and we were cooking. way too good for her inlaws! :-D


feta cheese reminds me of courtney (i didnt buy that either. then i would never poop, which interestingly also reminds me of courtney, and of little k and of my sister) i think the first time i had feta was on court's salad she made for slob dinner, which was a recipe passed down from bloody mary. involving tomatoes, feta, balsamic vinegar and basil if i remember correctly. delicious.

mozzarella reminds me of holly, she gets *down* with some mozzarella! and i like that about her. thanks to all my people who it's still fun to remember! it's so much easier to cruise through the adam thing with you all around, you are all proof positive that when it's right, it's right, and i'll know it. now, i'm off to make a grilled cheese.
WHATS UP!

Look, no stitches!! also, no hair on her left ass.

hey ladies!!!

Do you need a real man in your life? Well look no further, you've found him. He's thinking of you and touching himself.

tgif !!!! (even though it's saturday now)

yawn. i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, and i feel great! work was a long day, and at the end of it i had to drive a couple of guys to dulles aiport. we left baltimore at 5, which meant we got there at 730. ugh. i was then left to drive home (another 2 hours) (but i get the company car for a while- sweet!) and i just dropped when i got in. it was nice to get some sleep, but now the only problem is i woke up a little too perky for 2am, so i'm probably going to to be up for another 3 hours. my sleep patterns tend to get a little weird when left to their own devices. it's ok though, because tomorrow being saturday and all, i can just sleep the whole day away if i want. which i kind of do. because i can. perhaps tonight i will get an early start on my the house douching i was planning for tomorrow. all sorts of dust bunnies have unearthed themselves over the week and it's scary. looks like i'm not alone though. check out what purl is up to

after week 1 of living alone, i'm feeling pretty good. most of the week flew by because of work, but the time i have had at home i have spent going around re-arranging furniture and undoing every compromise i made regarding house decisions (hence the dust bunnies, and some other rather terrible stuff). slowly but surely, things are beginning to look exactly how *i* and only *i* want them and it's kind of nice. i do like being able to do whatever i want without having to worry about someone else's opinion; it's pretty refreshing. i've never been really good at sharing or compromising and now i don't have to. kind of a plus.

rearranging, cleaning, knitting and sewing: that's my big weekend. i'm working on a big funny looking hat with scalloped edging and possible a pom pom, and i also need to get to getting on the theater curtains im making. my house isn't exactly what you'd call "air tight" and the saran wrap i put on the windows needs some help. since heating prices have just risen 72%, i decided one way to counteract that would be to sew some floor to ceiling reinforced curtains and just close them when i'm home. if tapestries were good enough for the medieval peeps, they're good enough for me. i'm going back to my roots n shit. at least, i'm pretty sure someone i'm related to lived in a castle at some point. i mean, why not? i mean, i totally feel royal, so i can see where having an ancestor in a castle would fit. either way, the curtains will help with the draft in my living room, so that's that.

is it just me, or do you out there get *way* crazy productive following a break up? man, i'm off like a shot these days! i even ran a few times this week, which was awesome and helped me sleep.

so this week at work i became patient 1, and took one for the team (speaking of going back to my roots!). we have an ongoing joke in the office, because we do retinal photography stuff so we all end up being experimented on to test things. not being a shareholder, i refuse to get a fluoriscein exam, but i did donate my left eye to science and get it dilated so i could capture some test shots with a *very* fancy camera that needed to be evaluated.

holla at my fundus!!!! (fundus = retina= lining of the back of your eye)


yep, that's my eye. on the left, that yellow blob is the optic nerve, and the dark spot on the right is the fovea, which is where the light rays focus for your sharp color vision. so things like tv, reading, surfing the web for pictures of famous people to see what they're wearing: all that comes from the fovea. i could go on all day about the whack shit you can tell about someone from their eye. it's pretty cool.

i must admit, all things being equal this whole breakup deal is working out for the best (which is good i guess, since i have no choice, lol). i'm still a little bent that he did it all without so much as a word, but in the end it makes it easier to write him off if he's like that. he actually helped a lot by sending me a little nastygram about my making him out to be the bad guy in all of this. he was actually indignant that i'm pissed!!! his defense was that once when he came home from a trip i told him i thought we needed to break up, so how could i be mad at him for doing the same thing? direct quote: "the only difference between what you did and what i did was that you just didn't move everything out" um, yeah. that's a pretty key difference, no ?

so anyway, at that point i commenced to laugh hysterically, because it just seems completely futile to be irritated over someone who thinks like that (but fucking wow, did i really think i wanted to be with him?? i don't do the boyfriend thing very often, but man can i pick 'em). there is clearly not going to be any satisfaction to be had by trying to talk to him about it, and so recognizing futility as i do, i give up.

ok well. i'm going to start cleaning now, and see how much i can get done at the exceedingly odd hour of 3am. this should be an interesting weekend, i will post pics of the various projects as soon as i unearth my digital camera (which i'm really hoping i do, since i haven't seen it in weeks)

don't you hate it when your mother is right ?

So I was talking to my mom about the current events and she kept saying she was so relieved Adam and I were done, because he reminds her bad choices in men that she has made, and other random choice stuff that was generally unpleasant and irritating but then I realized we wouldn't be having this conversation if Adam hadn't bailed so I guess in the end she was sort of right. ugh. I will never tell her that though.

So that's that. Today is moving day, and hopefully he's able to get it all out so this can just be over with.

I'm feeling very refreshed after a chemically induced calm nights sleep- "holy crap" tip: if one has an empty stomach, probably half an Ambien will do. I damn near tipped over last night when it kicked in, good thing I had already carried the dog upstairs and gotten her settled in bed, there's no way I would have been able to do that after the Ambien kicked in. We would just have slept on the living room floor.
Star was a little restless sleeping because I've been cutting back her pain meds so I don't make her into a junkie, but I think I cut back a little too far. She woke me up at 330 this morning, rubbing her nasty sutures on my leg, what a sensation. (barf) I think tonight I won't give her the pain pill until closer to bedtime tonight. aaah, the science of animal drugging.

Today I am in the office (or what's left of it) working with the extremely talented Pat Saine. He's a pretty renowned Ophthalmic Photographer, and takes some pretty good scenery photos too. Check him out:
http://www.pjsaine.com

It's pretty cool watching people work with what they're good at. I'm learning lots and realizing how much I don't know, which is always good for you.

All in all, I'm thankful all this stuff is happening in my life at once. The dog being laid up and this Adam stuff all coincide nicely with a crush of things going on at work, so I have plenty of distractions, and don't have to feel guilty about not having as much time as I want to run the dog around. Go me, finding the silver lining and all that shit.

Furthermore, look at my idea of xmas decorating. Clearly cupcake and I were not even close to being meant to be.

my life is becoming a country song, one verse at a time

so yesterday, adam rocked my world again. BY MOVING OUT WHILE I WAS AWAY FOR XMAS!

yes, i came home from 7 hours on the road with my post-op dog, after a hellacious week/holiday to find that my prince of a man had decided we were dunzo and bailed...conveniently forgetting to mention this factoid to me any of the times we talked last week, and even yesterday while i was on the road.

it's cool though, he wants to be friends. isn't that what friends do? walk out on each other with no warning or heads up or anything like that? no? oh. man, someone should tell him that. i'm sure he thought it was the best way to handle the situation. ha!


anyhoo, for those of you who got me through the night by listening to me sob and telling me im better than him, i thank you. today, all is looking up.

1)work is stepping up and saving me from having to get a roommate. i hate strangers, especially in my house.
2)my dr gave me some ambien. apparently this is par for the course when someone asks you how your day is and you burst into tears. she rightly concluded i'm not sleeping well and offered me help. aaaah.

tonight when i finish work i will conclude the sanitization process, fully erasing all traces of adam from the place. this includes but is not limited to:
-throwing some of his stuff away
-breaking some of it
-possible small fires, to be contained in the backyard.

ok, those are all lies. i could never bear to let a man drive me to those things. especially not such a chicken shit. it's liberating really; in that one move he made, he let me know i'm not much to him and he needn't be much to me. anyone who is worth crying over will never make you cry, says me.

but i am going around tonight and undoing EVERY last compromise i made on where i want things, how i like things, and i may or may not even get real crazy and move the furniture around. there is no telling what i can do!!!

so the dog is psyched, b/c she's back in the big bed where she belongs. last night her surgery paid for itself and i was reminded why i was willing to go through so much to keep her.


so that's that. onward and upward. and good riddance.

awaiting clever idea for title

those of you for whom i fail to paint a picture with my words will be pleased, as i've uploaded a few images from the week of the leg.

first, here is a picture of star the first night becky and ich were back in town. post injury, pre surgery. most definitely post painkiller prescription.

this is just a delicious pork roast i made

dogs on painkillers, part deux

this is the patient. notice the look of misery on her face. this was just after we hauled her out of the truck and got her settled in for the night. and this wasn't even the worst of it. i lost my journalistic edge and failed to blog her most pitiful faces. there's still time though. were i not too lazy to enlarge the eye, you would notice perhaps that the dog looks wasted which is a great look for her.


and this is the promising part. this is stars new elizabethan collar. its meant to help her resist the temptation of licking her wound, which would do something bad to the sutures. i couldn't help myself when i saw this in the store. once i stop feeling so bad for her, i'm going to want to be amused:


i think a dog with a hot pink collar ought to do the trick.

ok well we got that over with

star is home from the hospital. her surgery went well. she now has a new ligament and no more torn meniscus. blech.

i spent the morning preparing the house for her arrival. ok, well not the whole morning, but like an hour in the afternoon. the dining room at ichiro's has officially been transformed into a recovery ward. i set up her x-pen, which was a total steal on craigslist. i love craig. everywhere i go, no matter where i am he can help me find what i need. dates, dinner friends, dog pens, tour guides. dr recommendations, a good argument without lasting repurcussions, free removal of junk i dont want because one neurotic's trash is another's treasure?? oh, you rule craig. YOU RULE.

tangent, sorry. but craig does rule. back to the dog.

i went to jail and busted her ass out this afternoon 'round 2 ish. and by busted her out, i mean i gave them the rest of my soul (having given them the first half as a deposit at time of admission yesterday) i had set up her new bed (mad props to the save star smith fund, you bought that!!) and some blankets in the back of the jeep and got her in without issue. she seemed pretty groggy, but i wasn't really expecting her to be happy so whatever. this whole dog surgery thing is weird. it seems like a lot of the best thing i can do for her right now is leave her alone, it just feels funny. but i know she's just going to be in pain for a while and i can only do so much, so im resisting my natural urge to poke and push. go me! i feel so grown up...

we got home and she wouldn't get out of the truck. i felt really bad for her, but she really had no interest in moving and an uncooperative post operative dog seems like a poor choice of a wrestling partner.

so i brought her a painkiller and a blanket and let her hang out for a bit. around 6 becky and i just lifted the whole dogbed out and when we got her on the ground she hopped out and peed, which i took as a positive. i'm really looking hard for positives these days.

when i got her inside, i set up her bed and that's where she is now. she's *really* uncomfortable, doing the whole whining thing and i feel really bad but i cant do anything more for her. so i'm just letting her alone and she has dark and quiet and when i'm sick and nothing can be done, that's the best i can do so there.


so thats where we're at in case you were wondering. i will be posting pics later, i think im just too lazy right now.

and ever deeper i go...

"la deee daaaaaaa!, i just *love* what they're doing with this area..."

Thanks Martin, aka "nurse martin"

sigh....

that's it, just sigh. i found a horoscope i like today, so that's a plus. star goes in for her pre-surgery consult tomorrow so she is officially fasting right now. i'm totally freaked out, at a time when i need to be very focused for work. well, nobody does denial better than me (or so i'm told, but i don't see it) so here i am.





FU becky. mock not my primitive, PC based image enhancement skills. (you too court)














this is an old pic of star and i. denial is not a river in egypt, it's right here in the good old US of A. she's pretending she doesn't have a broken leg, and i'm pretending i don't have deadlines, a broken dog, and a busted ass bank account.

all this, and i have a swollen gland. poor me!! oh the humanity...

today is one of those days my away message should say "i have nothing nice to say today"

because i dont. have anything nice to say that is...new years came and went, now it's just the countdown to surgery for the dog. :o( i'm stressed about dog surgery and feel a little blah about everything else right now.

i have 5 knitting things going right now, i dont really like any of them. the one i did like, i messed up on and had to undo ...3 F*CKING TIMES!!!

f*ck knitting.

i thought being home would be more fun. in my imagination, star and i hiked lots in the old trails i used to like, i got to see tons of my friends and family, and didnt have to pay a billion dollars for surgery. so far, it's irony 3, kerry nothing.

points scored are as follows:
1)damn dog cant walk, she definitely isnt running in the woods. which means i'm not either. :o(
2)friends and family are sick or working. or both. gross.
3)i have to pay a billion dollars for surgery. also gross.

it's not a total loss, i just have nothing nice to say right now so i'm dwelling on the shitty stuff.