PostSecret

Sorry to be boring you all with so many words, but I'm working this week and can't take any new pictures. Here's a link to one of the many sites keeping me entertained between patients though. Check it out. (click on the picture dumbass)


Though personally I don't know what's so secret about this picture. Everyone knows vaginas have teeth like Prince Charles.

Happy Happy Hump Day y'all!!!

wow, this day has been a rollercoaster of emotions already. I'm impacting the people of the world though, so that's very personally gratifying.

I woke up pretty happy because I slept in, and I had had a good night (with a weird ending, offline discussion for the ladies) My good night involved salsa lessons, my date Joe and the hot instructor Luis, who like every man's nightmare swooped in and decided I needed "one on one" lessons so he stuck my date with some other chick and took me over to a private corner to work. Everyone won though: Joe, because he got to dance with someone at his level and actually learn shit, and he got to leave with me. Luis, because he got to dance with me (duh) and me, because I got to dance with Luis (holy hotness batman!) and leave with Joe. Seriously, no losing there, for anyone. I might go back for a private lesson with Luis because he intrigues me, but I couldn't think of a tactful way to explore that with Joe there, and Joe looks like he might have some sweet moves, and also intrigues me (albeit slightly less than Luis at this point- I think it's the accent). So that was that, back to my day so far.

This morning was a little bumpy. I ran late (sat on my couch drinking coffee and reading gossip rags online), didn't have any pants ready to go, ran out of Downy wrinkle releaser and don't iron. So I put the pants in the dryer for a while with a wet towel hoping it would help. It didn't but I'm wearing them anyway, because there's nothing in my contract about professional dress or personal hygiene, so quite frankly at this point they're lucky I shower in the morning. Also, I spent 20 minutes waiting for them to come out of the dryer and I wasn't prepared to abandon my time investment by not even wearing them. It's the principle of the thing.

The ride in was gross, hit lots of traffic, but the bonus was that I found my dance party jammy jam CD so that was nice. I decided I could use the time afforded to me by the traffic to practice my sweet moves, at least from the waist up. If you have to sit in traffic, make it a dance party. Time totally flies when you're having fun, it's true. It was made even better by the fact that I managed to hit every word of that Beyonce' song about burning people's shit when they fuck you over. I'm totally digging that song this week, and getting all the words right was just gratifying. I noticed the guy next to me noticing my dance party, and I couldn't help think how bored he looked so I thought I would brighten his day. I decided I would use him to practice my video vixen face and I gave him a special repeat performance of the burn your shit song from my car. He was in hysterics, my work here is done. I'm leaving Baltimore anyway and as far as I'm concerned the more pubic humiliation I rack up before I go, the more motivation I have to leave. right?

then I arrive at giant medical institution that shall remain nameless to begin the day's work and drive my car into the wall in the parking garage. Not hard, no airbag or anything, just sort of like "Hey now, I'm in! " My car is plastic, little, 10 years old and all dinged up. It's practically an amusement park sanctioned bumper car, and I like to treat with the respect it deserves. As I was getting out of my car, some old guy stops to tell me that I should be careful. I give him my brightest smile and say "why?". Silence. Consternation. "Young lady, you just drove into a wall" Smile "I know. I'm not following you" Smile. Silence. Consternation. Horror?. It felt good and I threw him another winning smile and went on my merry way. That was nice. For all he knows I'm an engineer making sure the wall is structurally sound. Please, this place is full of old people, old people who come here for eye treatments. Like that wall's never been driven into before!

I get into the building and as I'm setting up my equipment one of the techs touches me. Not in a way that warrants a slap or I'm pretty sure I'd be writing this from my holding cell, but touches me none the less. I barely like being touched by people I know, much less people I work with. After the touch I just look at him, and he notices something's up. Taking the reins and addressing the obviously developing situation(what a man!), he says "boundaries are overrated. You're here too much for boundaries" well ok....so I put on my bestest, most winningest smile and say "you're right, and I totally need to talk to someone. I have horrible cramps and I think I might be getting a yeast infection". Now, neither of these things are true, but I just wanted to have something to offer back, so he knows that I'm cool with no boundaries. I didn't want him to be out on that boundary-less limb all alone. I couldn't tell if he got or not, because he didn't say anything after. Anyway, I'm pretty sure boundaries are back on, which is fine with me; I really have no preference in the matter. As previously stated, there's nothing in the contract about hygiene and he really can't only tell half of that story, so I'm feeling pretty ok about the whole interaction. He seems to be avoiding me, but I just keep smiling at him. He'll be back, and I'll be ready. In the meantime, I've got a new plan. First, and in a somewhat related vein, check this out (also don't miss the recap of their Oscar party, good stuff). Between the Hoff and Sheise porn, the krauts are totally freaking me out these days. They do make some mean optics stuff though, so I guess you have to take the good with the bad. Anyhow, my new plan is going to involve singing this song to people without blinking. Maybe just the first 2 or 3 lines will be enough. Guess who gets the premier performance? Right-o, boundary man. I'm going to wait until I see him go into one of these rooms alone though. Maybe we'll go from no boundaries to the 50 meter ones I usually encounter.

All this and it's only 10am. This day is going places, I can feel it.

you can tell i'm important and hard at work by all these posts today...

so today's menial job for the low man on the totem pole is...waiting for the movers to come to the CEO's apt and move him out. So far it's been a total comedy of errors, I can't wait to see how it plays out once they actually start moving him.

First I get a call last night that they will be here 2 hours early due to the weather. The weather which ended roughly 18 hours ago and has all melted. One might think rough weather would make them late not early, but these are no ordinary movers. So fine, good, whatever. Come early I say. I had a meeting this morning I didn't really want to go to anyway and movers coming in early means meeting postponed. Score one for the movers. I like them already.

Then I get a call this morning saying they will only be an hour early, and an hour later I get a call that they will be an hour later than the last estimate. This brings us to....the originally agreed upon time for them to come. Good thing I ditched that meeting this morning, the VIP I cancelled on was psyched! Apparently the movers have recovered from the weather, or didn't melt like they thought they would, or something. I could care less, my day is officially dedicated to this task and there's wireless here. Plus, I'm backing another tortilla of deliciousness, this one containing peanut butter, jelly and bananas. I could live for like a week with the food I brought, and important people own comfortable sofas. Not to mention all the extra time this affords me to tour his closets and stuff (and you know I did. I had actually told him I was going to and to clear out all his porn lest I be offended). Bring it on!

I will cut out the part about where I have to fight with the bitchy desk people here at the apt complex and their answering service about getting into the apartment. That is at least 50% the CEOs fault (shocking I know) and in the end I have a key, a reserved elevator and an open loading dock. Kerry's foul mouth and effectively channeled inner rage 1, bitchy giant apartment complex oppressors, 0.

When the movers actually arrive, there is a 15 minute Benny Hill-esque pursuit scene of us all chasing each other around the building trying to find each other. This is punctuated by phone calls from them to the admin of my office in NC. She asks for their phone number and they don't know it, she doesn't have caller ID and there is no end in sight. So she calls me to relay the latest location where she told them to stay and starts bitching about how they don't know their phone number. I asked her why she didn't give them mine. Silence. maybe a little growling, but whatever.

So I find the movers, finally and they inform me that they're going to go to lunch. I find this to be absolutley hysterical and commence laughing in the guy's face and ask him why he came without going to lunch then. "To be on time". Excellent, I like it. Punctuality is hot. Carry on brave soul, have a pickle for me while you're out...

I get another call from the admin, asking if I've found them so I tell her yes and give her the latest update about the lunch and we bitch a little and I laugh a lot about all sorts of things. 5 min later, the movers show up at the door to tell me
1)the truck does not fit in the loading dock: AWESOME Ensue raucous laughter.
2)the reserved elevator is as far away from the loading dock as you can get: hmm. if this impacted me even slightly the oppressors might get a point but as it stands, it sucks to be a mover
3) their boss called and cancelled their right to lunch (huh?) and they will start moving the stuff right now but could I go find them a sandwich, as they've come right from another job and are all hungry. Poor guy, I just stared at him for like a full minute trying to figure out if he was pulling my leg, and if not why he wouldn't just go eat like he said he was. A light dawns on MarbleHead: I asked "did my admin call and bitch your boss out?" he says "yes meees" (my best textual representation of a mexican accent) Interesting. I do some quick math and realize I don't get paid enough to oppress people, and I'm a sucker for the immigrant cause so I sign his time sheet, tell him I don't do lunch and to get their own, and to enjoy parking the truck whereever it does fit when they return.

And now here I sit. 45 minutes later. No movers in site, officially on the clock for 45 minutes now. I just hope they don't call the admin for directions if they got lost going to the McDs around the corner.

Recipe

So I just made this for lunch and I thought I would share.

I've been buying those big tubs of pre-washed lettuce and just eating lots of that in a tortilla with a little dressing as a lunch or quick snack and today I was out of bleu cheese so I thought I would try to find something yummy to put in. I made this nifty dip which also goes good with crackers.

It's like a hummus but not really.

In the blender attachment of the magic bullet I put:

-1 Can white (cannellini) beans (drained)
-some garlic
-some dried onion, parsley, basil, oregano, black pepper
-little bit of white wine
-squeeze of lemon juice

and blend. Spread it on the tortilla, drop some lettuce in and you're good to go. This whole whipped bean thing in a tortilla with lettuce might be my next featured food of the month. I'm going to try this with lentils soon, since I can not eat the soup for a while after last week's escapades.


I'm actually thinking I can make the soup just with less water and turn it into a puree. I'll let you know how that one goes, wish me luck.

My next mission

so. I currently have a mattress and boxspring just hanging out on the floor. For some reason (cough *nuts* cough) I hate having a boxspring. I don't know why, I just find it distasteful.

I'm going to be moving at some point and have no desire to acquire more shit to give away on CL so I was poking around and found this

http://www.43things.com/entries/view/1398716

I think I'm making this sometime this week. I'm torn about asking a friend to help me. I really don't want anyone else involved in my bedroom. I'm just not sure I'll be able to lift the plywood myself. All in all though, I like the hydraulics part. I'm going to hit the auto store and investigate this angle today.

You know this will be blogged! Then I'm going to chop the boxspring I have into pieces and throw it out. I can hardly wait.

easy like Sunday morning

yawntastic.

The weekend as a whole has been pretty good. Friday night my friend Bill came down from PA and we had a Harold and Kumar type adventure trying to find him some rum. Apparently nowhere within 1 mile of my house sells booze after 10, any day of the week. I only know this because we walked store to damn store to damn store trying to find it. I also found out that the Safeway on Charles is not open until midnight, even though that's what the sign and the website say.

We did the only thing we could think to do, which is to venture into the 'hood - the part where they have the police eye in the sky cameras - because the hood never sleeps. We were right, we found an open store. There are certain parts of Baltimore where you go into a store and have no access to either the goods or the clerk. Everything is behind a 1" thick layer of plexiglass and you tell them what you want, then put your money in a contained lazy susan and they spin back your goods and your change. You can not rob them, and the only people in danger of getting robbed if someone comes in are the other customers, not being behind bullet proof glass and all. This was one of those places. It really makes decisions easier, because I for one practice no hemming and hawing in places like that. I pick the first thing I see that I might want, buy it and run. and we did.

Then we proceeded to head home and have a War tournament while sucking down gratuitous amounts of rum (Bill) and Vodka (me). Haven't done that in a while, and first thing yesterday morning I remembered why, lol. All I can say is thank god I got distracted while going to get the Absinthe. That could have gotten ugly. We capped the night off with an ATHF marathon, and called it a day.

We spent yesterday bumming around not doing much. I was really tired, from being sick this week, from work being so crazy and from overdoing it Friday night so we were total lazy piles of shit and did nothing. Nothing is much more fun to do when you have someone to do it with. It was nice out though, so we did take a quick walk but every step was labor so it didn't last too long. (I had run outside on Friday and it's apparently way harder on your body than a treadmill as I was f'ing sore !!)

We wasted the day watching movies, cartoons, bad tv shows. I cooked all sorts of weird food based on the components available in my cabinets (like twinkie shaped nutmeg muffins because my muffin tin is gone) and Bill ate it. All good times. Not as productive a weekend as I like to look back on, but after my coffee (and possibly one more coffee) I'm going to remedy that today.

The one thing I did get done that was productive was to begin the process of getting rid of more of the crap around here that I don't want. Last week I had a little crisis and I couldn't figure out what was bothering me around here. I thought I'd gotten rid of everything extraneous, but I was still feeling claustrophobic and couldn't really figure it out until the other day when I realized that my living had seating for 5. Now the living room is 12 ft wide, 15 ft deep and had a couch, 2 armchairs, a giant ottoman, my bookcase and 2 end tables in it. Factor in that 1 entire wall is a door, and half of 2 other walls are doors and that I live alone and while I may at some point entertain, it's not likely to be 4 people. I did the math and realized I had too much crap and that was at least part of what was making me nuts- having to step around shit to get anywhere. It just had never occurred to me to get rid of furniture when I began the great purge of 07. So once I was able to wrap my head around the notion that I had too much furniture, and that I don't even really like it that much and don't want much of a future with it, I posted an ad on CL asking someone to please come take it away. Camille came and removed the armchair and ottoman from Adam's furniture set and the relief was immediate. haha, I can't honestly tell how much of the relief is due to the fact that it's more of Adam saying good bye and how much was space but either way I could breathe better as soon as it was gone.

and Camille herself was a trip, as was her teenage daughter. I got to see what I used to be like and what I will probably be like when I'm older, it was kind of weird and cool. My insurance company, and friends and family might not think it's as cool though, as it does appear that aging does not necessarily mean getting wiser with respect to "bad ideas" and "limitations".

So the chair is about 3x3x3 ft. Sort of cubic, and really light but bulky. Camille shows up in a dodge neon and I asked her where she thought the chair would fit, because her roof didn't look ready for loading or anything. She said "I have a hatchback, it will be fine". For about 30 seconds I believed her, then I walked over to the car. I can see how one could confuse a hatchback with a regular trunk- they both have 2 hinges and go up, and are located at the rear of the vehicle- but the similarities end there. Not being one to back away from an idea because it might be traditionally considered "bad", I decided I was game and the chair and ottoman were in fact going to fit. She sealed the deal by saying "I totally think this can work" At the sound of those words my heart got all gooey and I knew we were kindred spirits. yay! getting older doesn't mean I'm going to lose my charm! (and by my charm I mean my propensity for bad ideas and my tendency to execute said bad ideas, which sometimes backfires, usually sort of works, infrequently results in injury but ALWAYS makes a good story. I love a good story!)

"This can totally work": That is the exact phrase I utter when I am about to do something that is NOT going to work the way I think, that some people would say doesn't even make sense, that I probably shouldn't try, but am totally going to do anyway. I was sold, and operation "Get this shit the fuck out of my living room NOW" commenced. First off we got the fat bastard chair - thankfully light, and that's the only nice thing I can say about it - out of the house and over to the car. Inside the car was her teenage daughter, totally mortified that her mother was picking up free furniture off the internet (the ghost of Kerry past) and it was good for a laugh because I know I would have felt the same way, and I almost wanted to tell her to chill out but I hate teenagers generally so I made do with just chuckling. So the chair. We were able to get roughly 25% of it in "the hatchback" and I did some rough mental math (self delusion) and decided that we had the center of gravity of the chair in the trunk, and that she wasn't going far so we could get by just tying the rest of it on. At this point Camille produced 1 six foot length of 3 ply weird string, which was internally anchored to something in the car. 6 feet was not long enough to get around the chair, not did it look particularly sturdy. We talked about it briefly and she said she's used it before to tie shit, which was not only good enough for me, it was great for me- some people might be rolling their eyes at this point, but I for one had to admire her optimism. A woman after my own heart that Camille, making do with what she has and seeing how far she can push the limits- yeah, I know you girl. I *am* you and of course I'll help! I made her promise she was not taking the highway home (I don't mind injuring myself but I draw the line at endangering others with my bad ideas) and I went and got 3 more feet of some weird twine I had tied inside *my* trunk, did a couple of double fisherman knots to join them (yay! I have skills!) and sent her on her way, secure in the knowledge that at the very least my knots would hold and she wasn't endangering anyone other than the chair, since she was taking backroads home.

I went back inside, gave a big "aaah" and parked my happy ass on the couch with Bill to watch more tv and do misc innernet stuff. Side note: I love having old school friends over, exactly because sitting next to them is enough. I don't feel like I have to be chained to them entertaining them and I can do my own thing which is my favorite thing to be able to do- in short I like having old friends over because I am a terrible hostess and they don't care. Plus the whole "showering daily" thing is really not an issue. ha!

I decided to continue purging shit I don't want, not even sure why I had lost my momentum on that in the first place, and I posted a list of random chemicals and household stuff I don't want on Craigslist again. there's just a plethora of stuff that was here when we moved in because the previous tenants couldn't use it and didn't take it. I can get rid of most of it in April at toxic waste disposal day, but I don't have the patience to house stuff I don't want for 3 mos, nor am I particularly keen to throw it away. I'd rather see it used. So supposedly today this guy is coming to get a bunch of it and I can't wait! I'm fantasizing about all the space about to open up downstairs, even though I'll have nothing new to put in it. Stuff will be gone! yay!

I'm also going to finish out a couple of projects around the house that the previous tenants started and left hanging, undo a couple of Adam's false starts on things I was never crazy about, and maybe even get crazy and go to Home Depot* and/or Bed Bath n Beyond.

Should be a good little Sunday!

*I'm psyched. My old drill has kicked it, which means I need a new drill. RIP old friend, you're totally being replaced by something more powerful and cordless, which I've want to do for ages but didn't feel right doing for sentimental reasons, because you were part of my sweet 16 present from my dad. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

sometimes, new year's resolution = bad

subtitle "Soup 1, Kerry 0"

so as i may have discussed with some or most you (all 3 of you who read this) part of my new year's resolution was to take better care of myself and do all sorts of other good things for me. part of this was to stop being wasteful. by this i mean stop wasting money, stop wasting time, stop wasting everything, which somehow came to include food.

i realized that every week when trash day comes around, i'm *piling* food from my fridge into the trash and it started to get to me and make me feel bad. you know, a) i paid for that, b) people are starving somewhere and c)well there really is no c, but i hate a 2 item list. anyway, so i decided i would start eating more leftovers, stop cooking so damn much stuff at once, and try to be better about making sure i wasn't being totally horridly wasteful.

...it sort of turned into this game of "is this too old to eat?", which is what is currently passing for adventure in the exciting drama filled world of project management and 60 hour work weeks. i've gotten pretty bold and pretty creative, making dinner out of shit i never would have touched previously, all in the name of eliminating prodigality from my life.

tuesday night, i made a very bad judgement call. you know as time goes on, you want to test your limits, see if you can beat your own record, go further than you have before. in this spirit i played the "is this too old to eat" game with what could quite possibly be the oldest thing i've ever eaten- definitely never eaten anything older that i know of. i had made some vegetable soup, sometime last week-ish. i'm not really sure when, but i vaguely think it was sunday when i got home from boston as an attempt to remedy the stomach problems that had plagued me for the length of my aruba trip (eat the soup and be healed. praise be). so assuming it was that day (i'm pretty sure of this), that made my soup roughly 10 days old as of tuesday. i had made it, eaten some sunday and monday, and then pushed it to the back of the fridge and forgotten about it for a week. so i found it this tuesday and there was a ton left- just too much to throw out in good conscience. i felt awful about having forgotten it and i thought it over carefully and decided that there was no meat in it so i probably had some sort of grace period with being able to eat it. it also occurred to me, and i have no idea why this made sense at the time, that having put in extra jalapenos when i made it somehow ensured that germs would not be able to survive. honestly, i have no idea where that one came from, but i totally fell for it. i am a master of self delusion and this is no exception.

so i heated it for a good long while on the stove - just in case - got me a spoon and sat down and played "is this soup too old to eat?" it tasted ok, so i felt pretty ok going for it and i decided that yeah, the soup might have a shelf life of 10 days ish, which was very exciting. so exciting i had a second bowl. yeah. you know where this is going.

so as of yesterday at about 10 am i began to sense that something wasn't right. there was a little rumble in the bronx going on, all sorts of strange noises began issuing forth from my tummy and i began to wonder if playing this game with the soup had been the best decision i could have made. throughout the afternoon, this only got worst until it became clear that the noise inside me was my GI system sending me a resounding "YES" to the question of whether the soup had been too old. as the day went on, it also began to sound like the soup was saying "let me the fuck outta here!!! NOW"

so. yesterday afternoon, evening, night, late night: all earmarked by frequent, repeated trips to el bano. i won't go into detail, we've all been there.

i was supposed to have a date last night. a nice date. dinner and dancing, ooh la la; but no. i decided it best not to risk having something Really Bad happen on the dance floor, and in front of Joe. there were nightmare scenarios running through my head about how this could play out and i decided to cancel- clearly luck is not on my side this week so why push it? i didn't want to tell him the truth (we've only had one date and we're just not "there" yet) so i opted to do that thing where you make 2 unrelated statements that when strung together intimate a 3rd thing, which may or may not be true but you didn't exactly say it so you're not exactly a liar. i just didn't know what else to do. after talking to him, we had tossed around the idea of going out tonight, but i am STILL ILLIN'. i had 3 meetings this morning, a 6, a 7 and an 8 and all 3 hours were painful and nervewracking (or stimulating and exciting if you're in sales) because a) the soup is now loudly kicking and screaming to get out so sitting next to me is all like "gurgle gurgle weeeeeeeeeeeahhhhh" from my belly, b)they were my meetings, so i was in the hot seat and couldn't exactly run out every 5 minutes like i needed to and c) i still don't like 2 item lists. it may have been the most difficult thing i have ever done, keeping my shit together (no pun intended) in this meetings. where there's a will there's a way, at least this morning there was.

side note: i have to wonder what the people in the meetings thought. they were in small rooms. what could they hear, is it just me with the telltale heart (only intestines) who hears the noises? did my facial contortions, or tightly clenched jaw and distant stare give me away? could they tell i was sweating?
i may never know.

to get back on track:
i'm back home now, and marginally more comfortable in my fleece pants and own house but what to do about tonight?? i can make no better case for going out than i could yesterday, but i don't want to cancel on him 2 nights in a row. i know there's medications for this, but i truly fear for what could happen if i trap the soup in my intestines by means chemical or otherwise. i mean if it's tearing up the joint on it's way out, what would it do if it had time to plot?!

Q) how long can old soup stay mad at you?
A) more than 24 hours, that's all i know so far.

i'm seriously beginning to think i might have caught cholera or something - i have been spending an awful lot of time around the hospital lately - but this can not go on. i'm seriously debating getting some sandwich baggies, straws and duct tape and just making myself an IV setup, for which i would use old coat hangers bent together to be the metal wheelie thing to keep the bag up high. i've been trying to stay hydrated, and i feel good about the amount of exercise i'm getting, since my bathroom is upstairs, but i really wanted to go on this date. i'm torn between just coming clean (which carries the fear that he would head for the hills, because really how much information is too much and am i capable of stopping before then) and continuing on with last night's implied need to be here. i am also (because i live on the edge, because i am a rebel, a loner, a wildwoman) still thinking about going for it and hanging out with him tonight. it's just that dinner and dancing is also an option tonight, and there's 1000 what if's going through my head.

what if "something bad" happens (god forbid) while i'm dancing, or what if i laugh too hard and you know, "something bad" happens. say it happens and i am able to make it to the restroom, how long would i be in there, what if there was a line, etc and so on. i know in my brain that i should not be going out tonight, but i also knew that the soup was probably too old - you see this pattern? logical mind knows a bad idea when they see one (*cough* adam *cough*), but stubborn brains says "i can figure this out. this could totally work" (*cough* trying to tow my own car using a dog leash, and with noone inside to brake the damn thing *cough*) you'd think that even sitting here and re-reading everything i've written would be enough to convince me that i should stay home (i've thought that oh, about 12 times today on my way to or from the bathroom) but then there goes the other side of me saying "no, what you need to do to make this work is this..." commence all sorts of whispering to myself, false logistics that i cling to as if they make any sense, and the fascinating dance of the bad decision begins again.

the only thing that might actually keep me here is the knowledge of exactly HOW bad it could be if it's bad. there's some things you can not come back from as someone who's supposed to be sexy. G-n-L* is one of them. bah. will it stop me though? who can say...

*G-n-L is a phrase that was coined by a man i used to work with. it stands for gambling and losing and basically means when you think you have to fart, or might have to poo, so you take the gamble and try to fart- and lose. do the math, i'm not spelling it all out for you, yuck.

sigh.... i still have time to think about it. maybe i'll be better by 5. right?

btw, my new new year's resolution is to throw everything away. i don't eat leftovers any more. ha!

pop art with eyeballs

so i went in for yet another 6am photo call this morning (not me getting dilated these past few times thankfully) and got some cool pictures.

apparently this is what happens when you try to take a 12bit image with an 8bit camera. supposedly it means something bad, but how can something this pretty be bad?

this is just shooting the flash with an aluminum lens cap on


This is an actual image of the eye, same style.


Trippy huh? For those of you who care, on the left side you can see the optic disk, which is where your nerve connects to yout eye, and see all the blood vessels running out of it. On the right, that little circle is the fovea, where all the light rays focus for you to see.

/lesson

how come...?

if you say you're hearing voices in your head and being told what to do by them, you're schizophrenic and delusional but if you say "it's god i'm hearing" everyone's all "oh wow, how special, how lucky"?

'imaginary friends are imaginary friends people. let's be real.

and furthermore, how does half the world follow the teachings of a fucking zombie? i mean is jesus not technically a zombie?? sure, he may not have eaten brains that we know of but you get killed, you come back, you a zombie dude. i've watched the movies, i know this!

oh, honestly.

so stupid adam came by yesterday to drop off some stupid pictures from back when i was stupid and thought he was worth the effort. having smartened up considerably since then, i advised him to drop the pictures off when i wasn't home so i wouldn't have to see his stupid face (why he thought i would want him to drop them off in person is so SO way beyond me).

so now here i am with this stupid piles of pictures of him that i took back when i thought i would want to remember him, all of which have been summarily dumped in the bin which will be collected tomorrow and then it's done. but still, having to think about him and look at his stupid face pisses me off. and why would you give someone you fucked over and walked out on pictures of just yourself? does he think i want them? does he think i want to see him? forever FOREVER when i think of him, i will immediately think "that asshole, that fucking pussy, who just walks out on someone without the decency to tell them" good riddance, to him and the pictures. i'd say thanks for the memories, but there aren't that many good ones.

and then i go upstairs thinking i'll put my favorite sheets on the bed and kick back with my book, only my fave sheets are gone.

HE TOOK MY FUCKING SHEETS!

like there was any confusion in his mind about who bought them. fucking cunt! there, now he made me use the c word. how crude.

if they couldn't so easily be replaced i would demand them back, or at least pick a fight about what exactly the fuck he thinks he's doing, or who he thinks he is, or something. it's so not worth it though, i know there will never be any satisfaction in talking to him. he will never think he did anything wrong, and i will never let him off the hook just for the sake of peace. the boy (not man) is a douche.

i wish i could just punch him in his self righteous, justification spewing little mouth. just once. fucking POW! i know it would feel so good, and i truly hope i never see him when i'm belligerent because i would be so tempted to try it.

anyhow. the sheets are not worth opening Pandora's box, and certainly not worth the aggro of dealing with his stupid ass. he can be replaced, the sheets can be replaced. they both will be replaced. fuck it all.

so instead of bitching him out, i will bitch to you.

cleansing breath, sigh. peace out bitches!

time for concern, or cause for applause...?

i vote for applause, because it's me and i'm worth it. if you disagree, please post and i will summarily delete it because after all this blog is my legacy, my tribute and i won't have it smattered with anything unflattering (true or otherwise)

so i need something to do with my hands other than googling "britney" and "losing her mind" which is something i've done a couple of times lately, because work has been so crazy and i need some brainless relief. i've decided to channel my energy creatively and get back to knitting, because i have an assload of yarn kicking around and i can't buy more until i use my current stash all (or mostly) up.


here's a couple of people that i think are hysterical, which isn't to say that i'm not going to try to stuff my cat into a sweater anytime soon. i had never even thought it could be done! oh the possibilities!

Cat or dog sweater

A little doggie version of Martha Stewart's freedom poncho

cargo pockets!!!

These things are all over the place, and i'm single, live alone and hate the cold. talk about fate.

i think the best thing about terriers (mine anyway) is that they're smart enough to feel embarrassed when dressed in froo froo clothes. and i have a whole box of froo froo yarn upstairs with star's name all over it. no more of this "your dog's so handsome" crap. we are going P to the INK and fluffy. oh for shame! she's going to go so well with my new $7 barbie jacket.

holy crap. there are so many places i could go with this: there's BOOKS on the subject. ima get my crazy on, forthwith and post haste.

where is everybody?

am i the only one who didn't get today off? boo working for the nazis!!!

and where the hell are my supposed "friends" to get me through the day ?
you people are all sleeping in, or freezing, or whatever it is you freeloaders sucking the teats of society are doing, and i'm out working hard (when i'm not blogging)

i had to go in for a 7am photocall this morning. yes *more* stupid eyeball pictures. from there it was off to fight the wicked witch of the west (someone's secretary) and then i got to poke at my numb eyeball while i tried to upload 184M of data over a 10Mbps net connection. total snoozer...it was like trying to paint a house with a q-tip, or something else really painstakingly slow for the job at hand but without an alternative.

then it was back home, then to planned parenthood for more pills, which was my first inkling that it was a holiday because they weren't even f*cking open! on the ride home i stopped to get a huge nasty sub (because i'm worth it and i'm bleeding and thanks to stupid PP i shall continue to do so) and the lady behind me almost ran into my car, but she managed instead to run herself into the curb and snap her axle. here comes the part where i'm a bad person. i saw she was ok, so i just kept driving - quit driving like morons in the ice people! i'm not hanging out in the cold with some dumbass in the middle of the ghetto just because she didn't think ahead when she felt the need to switch lanes at 40mph without being able to see. plus, i was hungry and the sub was smelling up my car and i really thought i should get home before it got cold.

all i can say is, thank god i had a good night (great night even! and morning!) last thursday because otherwise, someone would be dead. as it is, i'm just smiling like a mo-ron

all
day
long.

got plans for tomorrow and then my new fake boyfriend is taking me dancing weds. salsa, ay!

mentally, i am here...

this should do the trick.

so, i thought of something.

i've been suffering from a total lack of motivation since i got back from aruba, exercise wise. hanging out on the beach drinking all the time seems to have put me a bit off track. i mean, to be sure it was awesome, but i was also starting to feel awesome running. i was getting high on life, which is sweet because it's free and i'm on a budget (i put back 2 really gorgeous sweaters i wanted last week, go me!) :o)

so i was thinking about what motivates me, and i decided only the prospect of complete and utter public failure would do the trick- that is, only my pride can save me now. in the name of not only not publicly failing, but seriously crossing something off a list of life things to do, i'm committing to this publicly.

courtney and i running a 5K in april. i forget the name of it, but it's the same weekend as the sox series in baltimore and hopefully the slob olympics
there, everyone knows now so we have to not be total jerks and we have to run it :-D

i'm working on my follow through. i think it has potential.

it got something of a kick in the pants today, because i volunteered at a competition at my climbing gym. i was completely humbled by 7 year old kids who can send shit i could never dream of doing. made me really feel like i need to get my shit back together and get back on track. i'm looking to be running 3 miles, at least 3x a week by the end of feb and hopefully i will be up to 4 miles a run by the end of march at which point i can start working on my time.

if you see me, be sure to ask how running is going, and to shame me if i have anything lazy sounding to say.

yawn.

in the meantime, here's a funny picture of star. this is her tommy lee and pamela harness getup, as i like to call it. i got this so becky and ich would be able to get her up and down the stairs, since carrying her can be a bit awkward. here's a picture of me testing it out for demonstration purposes:

she's looking away because she is ashamed. there is no dignity in the tommy lee and pamela harness, or in being carried around like luggage...

martin!

i'm worred about the hoff!


you have to talk to him.

eek! a mouse!

ok there is a mouse on the loose in my heating duct. im currently trying to figured out how to get the cat in there, and where are the places he could potentially end up if i did it and he got lost.


bastard mouse die! (but not in my wall please)




UPDATE: i've put the brain on the case. i might tie a glue trap to a stick and lower it into the duct to catch the fucker. i can not NOT have dead rodent in my wall. NO NO NO!

i just hope its a mouse and not a rat. that would be bad, especially as kitty is stalking it's ass. i dont want to see that showdown, baltimore rats are inner city tough.

thanks, i needed that

i have been left almost completely incoherent by the events of the last 12 hours. about fucking time!

oh.
my.
god.

sigh...

no VD is a good VD

i'd say happy v*lentine's day, but fuck that shit. it's not even a real day, and everything costs 10x as much as it did yesterday and will tomorrow. pisses me off.

and i'm not just saying this because i'm single and got dumped last month*. i have a long history of boycotting VD, which has caused major fights with boyfriends past, who i would tell not to do anything special and they inevitably would, thinking i'm doing that girl thing of saying things i don't mean (thanks lying coy bitches everywhere for that) and then i would be left holding the bag, because i had been serious about boycotting and not gotten them anything stuffed, stupid, useless, or chocolate.

3 times for "VD" i have given the aforementioned suitors candybars and a magazine, because that's really the only thing CVS has left on nights like this.

eh.

*oh no. because i got dumped last month, i decided to use today as a "cleansing" day, so i went through and cleansed my servers of all the online pottery photo albums, websites, and blogs i had set up for adam. it was really *really* gratifying, which make may make me petty, but definitely makes me happy.


i should be much more pleasant after tomorrow night, and i for one can't wait.

back to reality, and "the soup"

i'm back in baltimore as of this evening. the drive seemed particularly long, but i think it's because i wasn't on a beach and didn't have a tropical drink in hand. i am glad to be home, but it was such a fun week. if it weren't impossible for things like that to last forever, i would be devastated.

all i can say is "hallelujah, soup be praised" my stomach was not cooperative last week and i was all bloated and crampy but i came home saturday and ate 3 bowls, and body and me? well, we're back on track now.

i know it was only a week, but i kind of got used to looking at the world through beer colored glasses, and it was nice. i feel like i'm in that lily allen video, lol.

Highlights of the trip include the wedding (duh):

where holly and chris looked like tropical island wedding barbie and ken, right out of a catalog:
everything about the ceremony was perfect.

Courtney also told some very funny jokes, as you can see:

you can take the girls outta lowell, but you'll never get lowell out the girls.

and I got to stick my hands up the brides dress, Prima Nocta style:

yeah, that's right

and the reception, where again everyone was gorgeous:

awwwww

There was also a competition of sorts. More a bet, since the people involved in the competition didn't really know they were in it (ahem).

Anyhow, the bet was who was going to fall down first, and it was a stiff comp.

Contender 1) was Christy, and she was working for it.



Contender 2 was myself, and we were expected to be the main competitors, because we were both having so much fun. and by fun I mean wine.

as you can see, i came out of the gate pretty strong. was noticeably crooked by the time i was meant to give my toast. I managed to recover and give an eloquent toast. Or so I hear.

However, the race was thrown for a loop when a dark horse came out of nowhere and *snatched* the title of most wasted: Props to you JG, noone saw that one coming!

here she is, running in to claim her title!!


See Matt glowing with pride? He knows!



















Now here I come, to congratulate her. part of being a good competitor is keeping an eye on your opponents at all times. She thought noone saw her. Oh, I saw her.

Here I am, celebrating Jenn's victory as she settles in the grass where she fell and tries to pretend she meant to do that.

also, i met a man in aruba. I can't wait to introduce him to my parents!:

this is my new boyfriend, his name is Party Man. look, he's even nice to my friends.
KEEPER!!!

obviously, there was more this week than the wedding and Party Man, but that's all for now folks!

Have to go to that whole "work" thing for a while.

boo!

the final countdown!!

this is where i am today.

the high in boston today? 26 i guess. the high in aruba? 83

i'm in my room enjoying my last salami sandwich with holly as a free woman. just got back from the salon, both looking smashing i must say. i have bobby pins, makeup and flowers on. tell me im not a friend! you can't!

more pics to follow later, just wanted to give a shout out and a quick taunt to my chilly friends back home.

ok, and i really wanted to finish my beer and the bride is all "dont get drunk for the ceremony" as if i would. ok, i totally would, but i am *funny* when i drink and i get nervous speaking in public. it's all good.

later!