Mein Kampf, and mein subsequent personal and hard won victory

a list:

1) Mein Camera:
As of noon Friday, mein* camera (*no, I'm not letting this go. It's the theme of today. Mein theme.)
was on the UPS truck in Baltimore, out for delivery. Things were looking up! I was so excited! I was speaking in exclamation points! It was annoying HN! Anyhow, there I was, composing mental lists of all the things I was going to take pictures of with my new toy. HN was going to be gone for the weekend, dog and I were going to have the run of the place/the best girls weekend ever, doing things like taking awesome pictures, exploring places to find things to take awesome pictures of, taking awesome pictures of ourselves and of course the obligatory watching chick flicks and crying at the sappy parts. The FedEx dude showed up with the case part of the camera shipment, camera and case having been shipped separately even though I told Amazon I would prefer one shipment, but whatever. So FedEx man mentioned the street kind of sucking, but that he remembered that from yesterday so he parked around the corner and walked up with the package. Smart, handsome FedEx man. Lithe and in shape, likely from all the times he walks from around the corner to get someone's package to them because he knows they probably *really* want whatever is in there.

By 4 pm, as I clicked "update my tracking" yet again on the UPS shit brown website, I noticed "delivery canceled. Extreme weather or conditions beyond UPS shit brown control" BULLSHIT. "Extreme weather?" Heeeellllllllll no! Just plain Nah ah! So I called UPS to find out what the hell was going on. The lady on the phone told me that the driver had signified unsafe roads or icy conditions and extreme weather. I asked her for more info, since the extreme weather had been gone for days and while my road was narrow and kind of sucky, it sure as shit wasn't icy, because in fact my neighbors and I have all been out in the road chipping ice every day, and ironically, today was the first day the road was well and truly clean. I mentioned how FedEx had been able to get here. "Oh. Hmm." She said. We talked for a bit longer, but she didn't have more info on whatever the driver was on about, she being in someplace not Baltimore and driver being unavailable to discuss. The info she did have for me though was that my package would "probably" get there on Monday. Why Monday I asked, I know UPS shit brown does Saturday delivery. I could possibly deal with a Saturday delivery, but if the thing didn't come until Monday how was I going to have the best girls weekend ever with my dog and my new camera? Huh? Yeah well.

She proceeded to explain that because I had paid 25 bucks extra for next business day delivery, that it could only be delivered on a business day, and thusly was being shuttled back to the warehouse for restocking and would possibly make it here Monday if the driver felt ok about driving. To be certain, I asked again. "are you telling me that because I paid more for expedited delivery, that my package will now be deliberately delayed by UPS shit brown?" She confirmed this, my blood pressure spiked with the stupidity of it all and she said "Yeah, I know right?" which at least helped a little because I had external validation that that was FUCKING RETARDED. So I asked her what I could do by way of getting it tomorrow and she said "well, Amazon owns the package until you take delivery, so you could possibly call Amazon, have them call UPS shit brown and ask to change the delivery method to one that allows for weekends" I was just getting warmed up, I can be inexhaustible at times, so I did just that. I contacted Amazon, and Davidliu L., in a land far, far away promptly offered to refund my shipping fee. She then offered to call UPS shit brown and talk to them (note: I don't think she was expecting me to say yes, as she sounded really surprised when I said "Please do") 5 minutes later she was back. It was going to be a long wait for the UPS shit brown phone call, they seemed really busy.
"Davidliu is it? You get paid by the hour right?"
"Yes maam"
"Excellent. It just so happens that I have ALL NIGHT for this shit, and I really want my camera. It's personal now. If you don't mind, I'd like you call UPS back, hang out there as long as it takes, and get me an answer. I'm just going to put you on speaker phone and do my own thing over here while I wait. I promise not to hang up and waste your time"
"Yes maam"

15 minutes later, Davidliu was back explaining to me that even though the girl at UPS shit brown had told me there was a Saturday delivery option, there was no way the order could be changed. According the UPS shit brown , Amazon owned the package until I take delivery, that's why I can't change the delivery method. According to Amazon, UPS shit brown owned the package until I take delivery, so Amazon can't make the change. or something completely fucking nonsensical like that, the end result being no camera for me. I asked Davidliu what she thought I should do, since I *really, REALLY* wanted my camera for this weekend and there was a lot of my happiness hinging on this (Yeah I know. Not a crisis, but I can be a bit obsessive and the whole thing was just annoying. HN told me to put this "crisis" next to Haiti and I declined, because this is about me)

Davidliu's answer "why don't you go to a store and buy one if you need it so bad, and then when the shipment shows up on Monday, you can refuse delivery, we'll take it back and you get your money back" She was definitely tired of me by this time. I've read about the hotbeds of sin that Indian call centers can be, and clearly I was keeping her from something awesome. Her tone was not one of "I'm trying to be helpful" it was definitely more "Please fuck off crazy lady" In fact, her tone was DARE! and I love a dare! Hate and spite are my fucking fuel, so when Davidliu threw the gauntlet, I picked it up and slapped UPS' face with it, just like Bugs Bunny used to do. "I WILL. THANKS FOR THE GREAT IDEA. I LOOK FORWARD TO TELLING THE PUSSY DRIVER TO SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS" I replied, and Davidliu thanked me for my call and we decided to part ways while we were still friends.

As soon as we hung up, a UPS shit brown truck went flying by my house. My blood pressure spiked so high I passed out, and when I woke up I immediately began scouring the MTA website for bus routes to get me downtown- my car is still buried, and I was so not motivated to dig it out, but I was fully angry enough to hop on a damn bus downtown. Just then, HN called from the road to check in and I related my entire saga to him, including my plan for how to overcome. "You're overreacting. Don't do all that, just wait until Monday. You won't do that. " Oh Really? Have we met? Is that a DOUBLE DARE? Game on! And also, I had a weekend planned that involved this camera dammit, and I am the steward of my own happiness and I intend to make it happen. Overreacting my ass.

Anyhow, I decided on the number 27 bus, which would drop me off in walking distance of the Best Buy in the inner harbor, where I had confirmed inventory of my camera. This would be my Saturday morning. I figured I'd kick it around the inner harbor some, maybe see the Wolfman movie while I was down there, stop by Lebanese Taverna and nosh on some authentic hummus. And I would thumb my nose at shit brown in the process. It would be grand. I would be so happy.

I spent Friday night getting caught up on missed TV shows, and then dog and I had a rousing 90 minute game of full contact basement soccer with new giant tennis ball. There may have been gin involved, but we both had a blast! Incidentally, last week someone asked my "Why a pit bull? Why a dog like that? I love my golden retriever" Lady, I think your golden retriever is pretty swell too, but if I ever body checked him, he'd pee his pants and feel really bad about himself and wonder what he did wrong to make me body check him. My dog body checks me back and steals the ball.

Saturday morning I woke up bright and early, extra motivated because today was the day that not only I would get my new camera, but the first picture I would take would be of my middle finger and I would caption it "This one's for you shit brown!". It was going to be awesome. I had a delightful breakfast of spaghetti and meatballs (when going into battle, eat well first) showered, dressed and moseyed on up the the number 27 stop. And waited. and waited some more. I had triple checked on the MTA website that very morning, and while they mentioned minor delays and route changes, they were pretty clear in saying that the 27 WAS running.

So I waited some more. Then my toes got cold and I began to lose heart, so I called my mother to recount the whole camera ordeal and worked myself back up into a fury and decided to take matters into my own hands. I would walk the bus route, so as to be moving and keeping warm, while also not missing the bus. and so I walked. For kind of a while, and the bus never came, but as providence would have it, just about where I got tired of walking I was outside A CAMERA STORE. Clearly, this was all happening for a reason, so in I went where I inquired about the possibility of purchasing a new camera and lo and behold THEY HAD JUST ONE LEFT IN STOCK. It didn't quite have my name on it, but that's only because they didn't know my name ahead of time. It was meant to be mine, and now it is.

The first thing I did after tucking my new best friend into my backpack was to text everyone I had been torturing with this ordeal to let them know I had won. Then I decided I should probably start trucking home, since seriously, the number 27 wasn't coming anytime soon and I'd have to rework the rest of my Saturday plan but that was ok because the major points were still intact.

Saturday was different than my downtown plan, but was still pretty awesome and Sunday was *just* like in my fantasy. Dog and I hit the road and went exploring, saw some mad interesting stuff, hit the mother lode of old rusty stuff, which as anyone knows is the best way to test out the close up and depth of field characteristics of a new camera, took a crazy interesting detour through the ghetto and came home. After a delightful lunch, I went out again on my own, ran more errands, went to the bookstore and came home just in time for a delicious dinner with HN and a bedtime made all the more restful by the new camera smiling at me from my nightstand. I dreamed in bokeh.

At this point, I'm going to dispense with the list, though there were more struggles and victories this weekend. I'll get to those in due time I suppose.
Instead, let's check out the wares from this weekend:

Let's call this first set: "I heart shallow depth of field/Yay! I have a camera that does bokeh/why does a new camera make my old stuff so much more interesting?"

Focus Near

And far!

Radiators rule for this!

Tuning up before the big show

Mr Llama in the morning

This second group we'll call "I love old rusty stuff" As in, I traversed almost a mile of this path so I could get to where I know the rusty stuff is at.

Thirdly, just cruising around Baltimore.

Evening light on the BMA

Unimpressed dog, at the end of the 2+ hour walk. Ready for lunch

Icicles in the ghetto. This was about when I realized where I was, so camera went back in pocket for safety reasons.